March 23, 2011

  • Motivation

    I was at the Goodwill Store browsing their selection of stuff.  I found the board game, “Worst Case Scenario”.  It was opened so I decided to look inside to see what it was about.  On the first scenario it said: “You’re in Goodwill and you’re considering buying a board game…”.  I passed.

    I think Crocs are purity rings for guys who don’t like the tight feeling of shoes or vaginas.

    I really wanted a Super Nintendo when I was a kid but my parents didn’t think I needed one so they put a cape on my regular Nintendo and told me to enjoy.

    I’m writing a film version of Full House and I’ve cast Gilbert Gottfried, Mel Gibson, and Charlie Sheen as the three males in the house.  Did I mention that it was a thriller/dark comedy/anti-drug PSA?

    So it appears that AT&T purchased T-Mobile.  Do they change their name to AT&T&T and use Mr. T as a spokesman?

    Is it retro is a coffee shop doesn’t have free wifi?

    They always say, “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.”  I say opinions are like assholes so you better watch what you say when you’re in prison.

    I’ve become too lazy to masturbate, want to lend a hand?

    The only reason why I wanted to join the Big Brothers program is because I have a lot of crap that needs to be done around my house.

    I’m not Dr. Phil but if a girl takes off your belt I’m sure that’s a good sign.

    My bracket may be busted but I am winning my fantasy tennis league.

    Would you send your child to a school where the person in charge demanded they be called “Headmaster”?

    A female friend of mine once told me that penises are like fish.  I said “Slimy and scaly?” She said, “No, the little one you throw back and the big ones you mount.”  I laughed and she said I was cocky so I pulled down my pants to prove her right but she threw our friendship away.

    What do soy beans and dildos have in common?  They both are substitutes for meat.

    The reason why I enjoy drinking at bars that serve beer in the can is because that makes it easier to sneak in my own.

    And now your weekly dose of motivation:






    Why was I cheering for Morehead State in the NCAA tournament?

    I plan on drinking for a week straight just so I can get Sheen-faced.

    It was sad to see Nate Dogg died but I wonder if it had anything to do with him hanging out with Michael Vick.

    Video games are babysitters for adult virgins.

    You say “pajamas” I say “Walmart tuxedo”.  You say “toe-mah-toe” and I call you a fucking douchebag because it’s toe-may-toe.

    Hate is such a strong word but according to facebook it’s a weak password.

    In the time it has taken you to read this post, Guy Fieri has styled one of his bleach spikes.

    That’s all for this week but remember, I have a missile poised to fire at labia.

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