March 28, 2011

• BLOGATHON (The Best for Last)

  So it's officially the end of the blogathon and I found out that I haven't raised any money and the Xanga blogathon wasn't about any cause or paying the godfather's bills.  So what is the point of this blogathon?  I think it was a ploy to get people active and show that Xanga is alive so they can sell the website or take it public.  Would you buy Xanga stock?  I would.  This place has been good to me and I love all of you except that one person, you know who you are.  Basically, if you an read this then I love you.  Something fun I learned about Xanga this week, if you are on friends lock and want to read someone's post, you subscribe to them and then read their post in the subscriptions page.  Weird.  You can't leave comments but you can find out what people are saying.  So much for privacy, right?  Remember how Jerry Lewis would lose clothes during his telethon as the weekend progressed?  Well this blogathon has done that to me.  Currently I'm wearing my glasses and eyebrow ring.  I'd invite you to see but that might cause an international incident. 

  In case you haven't read them, I've done other blogathon posts: Mischief, Wisconsin Town Names, Question for Christians, Terrible Tattoo Thursday, Rebecca Black, and Caturday.

  I should have done this post first but oh well...drum roll please...drum roll.

  Because I am a self-loathing narcissist, here's a post about me.

  When I was younger I was able to slam dunk. Most people look at me and would think otherwise but being able to squat 700lbs and leg curl 300lbs helps develop the muscles needed for dunking.

  At the height of their popularity, I wore nothing but Zubaz pants.  During that year of school I don't think I owned even one pair of jeans.

  I think I was named after some dude out of the Bible who wrote a book but my parents thought they would put a spin on it and use a European version of said name.  Too bad when I got old enough to speak, I couldn't say my name.  Thanks a lot hippies.

  The last time I cried was last night after I watched the movie Bobby.  RFK...what a loss for our nation!

  I'm an only child or at least that is what my siblings claim.

  I wear size 17(the American sizing chart) for my shoes.  It is damn near impossible to buy shoes.  Most shoe stores only carry to a 12 or 13.  I have to go to a store that deals with the Wisconsin Badgers.  I remember my shoe size was always a source of rumors on the bus.  Yes, I rode the bus in high school.  I lived away from home during high school and my parents wouldn't let me have a car because they couldn't keep tabs on the car if I was away.  Anyway a group of girls asked me my height and my shoe size.  I told them and then I heard giggling and then gasps and then muffled, "I really want to see it."  I always tried to figure out their devil's math but they refused to tell me.

  I once got drunk at a party.  A friend and I coerced our designated driver to take us to a 24 hour grocery store.  Once inside I was stumbling around.  The dd tried to get me to sit down but I screamed, "I WANT CHEESE BECAUSE I'M FROM WISCONSIN!"  The check out guy gave me one of the motorized carts and all hell broke loose.  Driving up and down the aisles screaming, "Look at me!"  My friend crashed his cart into a bread display and I started laughing so hard I cried.  It was a fun time and I think our dd broke up with her boyfriend because she realized we were the type of people he hung out with.

  I once wrote a pamphlet detailing how to survive a zombie attack and posted it around my town.  If you've ever been to Wisconsin Dells, you have seen the info stands with pamphlets for businesses.  Well I stuffed a few of my zombie attack pamphlets in there.  I watched people take them and read and show concern.

  I had chicken pox three times as a child.  It has left my skin allergic to numerous things which include nickel, ink, and Ivory soap. 

  I currently have 3 piercings, two in my left ear and my eyebrow.  I once had up to 8.  5 in the ear, eyebrow, navel and my thingee.  I worried about infection and my thingee falling off so that one came out plus it hurt to walk.  I accidentally ripped my navel piercing out and 3 of my ear piercings got really hard and my ear started growing over the studs so I took them out.

  I enjoy movies.  I have over 1200 DVDs.  Thank you Blockbuster for being unsuspecting about my rental activities and thank you to the inventor of DVD burners.  Oh and this may explain why I don't have a girlfriend, I spend all my money on movies.  I watch movies instead of TV.

  I admire James K. Polk.  He accomplished all his goals as president in 4 years so he didn't seek another term. 

  I have a fear of birds.  I was divebombed while on vacation as a kid and the bird crapped all over my face.  Also, my aunt and uncle raised parrots and they would attack me.  Birds hate me so I avoid them at all costs.

  I have 8 myspace accounts and 3 facebook accounts.  I enjoy making fake accounts even though it is against their terms.  I only check one myspace account daily.  I rarely use it anymore.  I also creep out my students with myspace because I was a member before the "boom".  I heard about it because I am such a devoted Weezer fan and Rivers Cuomo released "tomorrow" from Annie on his so I just had to hear it.

  The hardest thing I ever taught in my teaching career was sex ed to sophomores.  I taught it in a religion class so you can guess how we handled sex.  Anyway two jokers ask me questions that stuck with me:  "Mr. W, I'm a male and I know Jesus was a male and as a male certain things happen...well do you think Jesus ever got boners?"  "Mr. W, is S&M sinful?"  Maybe I should also include all the times I was asked if oral sex "counted".

  I miss Hunter S Thompson and Kurt Vonnegut.

  I have had 5 car accidents in my driving career.  4 of those accidents involved deer.  I think it was some karmic thing because I hunt.  When I shot my first deer, I ate its heart in the field so its spirit became a part of me.

  I enjoy roller derby.  I think it was more of a thing for seeing women fighting in roller skates and skirts.  I dig the alternative look girls.  I also dig ladies who work on cars.  I also love women.  I'm weird.

  I never use sarcasm.

  I had my tonsils removed when I was like 3 and it was a botched operation.  They destroyed nerve endings in my mouth that suppress appetite.  I don't know what it means to be "full" or at least haven't experienced that since I was 3.

  The last person that I talked with on the phone was my U.S. representative.  He actually talked to me but he didn't help me.

  They call me Tank, Tiny, and Wurm

  I enjoy eggs sunny side up and not impregnated.

  I think I once received a lap dance from Diablo Cody.

  I went to a religious college and it was required that I take piano.  I had piano for 6 or 7 semesters.  I was also in choir for 7 of 10 semesters and here are some examples of me singing:
  

  People say I’m indecisive, but I’m not sure what I’m gonna do about it.  People say I'm a skeptic, but I don't believe them.  People say that I’m apathetic, but I don’t care.  People say I'm too sensitive, and it really hurts my feelings.  People say I have a good sense of humor, and I don't think that's very funny.  People say I'm paranoid, but that's because it's all part of their plan.  People say I'm too accepting, and I love them for that.  People say I'm ignorant, but I don't know what the hell they're talking about.  People say I'm blind, but I just don't see it.  People say I'm creepy, but I like that blue shirt you're wearing.  People say I don't make sense, ting-a-ling ting-a-ling!  I had one of these about being forgetful, now where did I put it?  People say that I don't finish things that I sta

  Most importantly, some people call me the space cowboy and some call me the gangster of love.  Some people call me Maurice because I speak of the pompatus of love
  

  
  

  What the hell happened?

  • 12:58 PM
  • 57 Comments