April 5, 2011
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My Poetry
A while back, I_once_was wrote a lot of haikus and I commented in haiku form. I wish I had saved those comments but I decided to write some of my own haikus. I probably started saving these on Valentine's Day which might explain the tone.
Lonely, yet again.
Eating my weight in Cheetos.
Cheese flavored penis.Love is in the air.
But why does it smell so foul.
Oh wait, it’s a fart.It’s Singles Awareness Day
Those who are very alone
Hand lotion sales riseSuicide is bad
Doing it alone is wrong
Masturbate all dayValentine’s Day sucks
Being alone hurts my soul
Penis has blistersThe empty bottles
Of beer lay on my old floor
Drink the pain awayDon’t know what you got
Until it’s dead and buried
Table for one, pleasePhiladelphia
Isn’t that sunny, assholes
Figures, it’s from FOXHands off what is mine
Fuck you, won’t do what you say
Collective bargainSo many lives lost
Never had the chance to live
Wadded up KleenexSex sex sex sex sex
Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
Forever aloneA loveless marriage
Not something I really want
Happy endings ruleA douchebag named Scott
Pretends to be governor
Government cheese, pleaseI like seeing feet
Delicious Painted toenails
Orgasm on the spot.I like touching boobs
But I am very ronery
Tears are great for lubePorn online, always
There's so much, my cock is sore
I should get some lubePanties peaking out
Her ass is a spaceship
I want to ride it.Girl in my class
Distant, irresistible
Forever AloneGirlfriend's tiny shorts
Take off with my teeth and then
screw like animalsboobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobsfap fap fap fap fap
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
fap fap fap fap fapI apologize
but we must make much love in
refrigeratorHaikus are awesome
But sometimes I get horny
Potato rapistMiss Rebecca Black
Gotta get down on Friday
We so excitedTODAY IS SUNDAY
TOMMOROW WILL BE MONDAY
CANT WAIT TILL FRIDAYI think my kidneys
Are failing because I am
Retaining fluidHow I Met Your Mom
Is a show that I think will
Have a bad pay-offOh, The Price is Right
I am always wrong for you
Drew Carey is skinnyNothing left to eat
I guess i'll try something new
CannibalismIgnite the green stem
Thick smoke fills the cramped room
What is the meaningMaking out with her
Our pants are off, dad walks in
VICTORY BONER!Like wind through the trees
He stalks the apparent prey
The prey has a gunEarthquakes are not real
I don't believe in earthquakes
Haiti just wants cashMaking me some lunch
Is a poor man in a truck
Mexican peopleHaikus are the best
They make white children almost
Feel intelligentDo you like haikus
I can go on forever
I_once_was made me
If you're in WI, make sure you vote.
Comments (70)
"I saw a rainbow
On the day my grandma died
Fucking lesbian."
- Bo Burnham
I'm notoriously bad at writing poems/lyrics, otherwise I'd try to incorporate it into my standup.
Stay away from the potatoes and all should be okay.
I thought you said these were bad and junk. Lies.
I like it!
"Philadelphia
Isn’t that sunny, assholes
Figures, it’s from FOX"
After that I couldn't contain my laughter any longer!
wow, tears for lube. Now im kinda disturbed. thanks. :0p
that's some profound shit right there.
This is a side of you I only suspected you possessed. I'm referring to the cheese flavored penis, of course. I figured you to be a closet poet all along.
hehe...politician gone wild....hehe...
There once was a man from Nantucket...wit, wrong form? D'oh!
At least someone is keeping Napomo alive.
Lol
lol @the prey one. Haiku can sound so wrong.
I suck at haiku. I'm decent at all the rest of stuff but I suck at haiku. I think its because it involves math, and I hate math with a burning passion. Also, the one about its always sunny made me laugh out loud.
"Ignite the green stem
Thick smoke fills the cramped room
What is the meaning "
Hahahaha, this is fuckin' elegant! I almost applauded. Love the ending, it's so mystical. Having so many cats around has its benefits.
Such an eloquent flow of unified ideas in a coherent and well concieved form! I especially adore the manner in which the whole piece pinnacles with the stanza,
"boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs"
It brought tears to my eyes.
what @Aloysius_son - said, I totally agree with !! Haha, these are the best I've ever seen omg, awesome lol
Cheese flavored penis and haiti just wants cash were my favorites, haha. They were all really entertaining though. I'm not big on Haiku, but you made it interesting.
Believe it or not. This was very inspiring to me.
@GodlessLiberal - That's why I do haikus. You can just write anything and have it be considered poetry.
@Automaton_Emotion - I feel pretty racist sometimes since I only go for the white potatoes but I just received a seed catalog and they advertised blue potatoes.
I'm pretty sure I set poetry back a few years. And here's a haiku for you.
I'm on Jersey Shore
Orange skin, fake tan, hair gel
No fisting for me.
@hesacontradiction -
with all my big heart
it's large because of red meat
I say many thanks
@LadyMira -
Philadelphia
Makes me scream "Wildcard bitches"
I enjoy that show
@too_restless -
Using tears for lube
Is much better than warm beer
Drunkard's paradise.
@theloniusmarx -
Many thanks indeed
The profound shit is profound
Your mind is now blown.
@Writing_the_Tides -
Cheese flavored penis
How would I know, I can't reach
Or so I've been told
In high school I wrote
Haikus about Spam and sex
stays in the closet
@jiazy_1 -
Politicians are
the bane of society
Anarchy forever
@Rob_of_the_Sky -
Not gonna let go
Never gonna give you up
We are not strangers
@POETIC_ISIS -
I am so winning
All my replies are haikus
Charlie Sheen poster
@ctaretz -
Did you laugh out loud
or are you pulling my leg
holding back my tears
@nov_way -
Haikus are the best
Especially those of mine
Potato rapist.
@TheGiantSlayer -
I am a math nerd
I suck at regular poems
your winning reply
@windoftheforest -
It's marijuana
Romania have good weed?
Light me a big joint
@Aloysius_son -
I like floppy boobs
they're the best kind of all boobs
whiplash inducing
@Leap_toads -
A personal poem
written just for you because
I am so WINNING
@stoic_asylum -
I'm interesting
the alcohol makes it so
No Pabst Blue Ribbon
@SignificanceOfTheMightyClit -
I like to inspire
not only through my haikus
I'm a stupid male
@GodlessLiberal -
Haikus are easy
my comments are all haikus
except the first one
Love your Avatar..hehe..
@jiazy_1 -
Alpha Charlie Sheen
The alpha male of alphas
he's always winning
@godfatherofgreenbay - Ah! Truer words have not been spoken..-:)
transcendentally giggelicious.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I am all teeth tonight..wish I had a web cam so you could see them..hehe
I like the spaceship ass one. Your blaming ME? for being inspirational? I inspire the cheese penis?? I do like cheetos...how'd you know? heheheheheee.
don't defrenistrate
this writing penetrated
yes, Demonstrated.
@distractedbyzombies -
the mini is nice
I don't get them that often
my nipples are hard
@godfatherofgreenbay - are they shooting lava?
@jiazy_1 -
why are you all teeth
webcams are a lot of fun
I don't get naked
@godfatherofgreenbay - Because you are hilarious...GRINZS
@I_once_was -
Inspirational
I wrote haikus in secret
Fabric of our lives
@distractedbyzombies -
My nipples are hard
they don't shoot lava but scotch
I have drunken kids
@jiazy_1 -
I'm hilarious
Maybe this can be confirmed
I enjoy haikus
@godfatherofgreenbay - a soiled mind's ink--
sneaks up on propriety--
spanks the bottom pink.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Better drunken than ashen.
@I_once_was -
hot, seductive, pink
slowly sliding out and then
your Spam is ready
@distractedbyzombies -
My skin is ashy
Hand lotion for other things
Beer for my horses
@godfatherofgreenbay -
slurping the ashed can
damn. am I that shortsighted
lazy smokers, Man.
@godfatherofgreenbay - as do I!
@I_once_was -
Regurgitating
Spam is better than canned Treet
Off-brand Spam is bad
@godfatherofgreenbay -
spam?, why not chicken
lickably luscious salad
sandwiches worth! pickin'
This made me wipe tears from my face from laughing out loud:
Haikus are awesome
But sometimes I get horny
Potato rapist
You completely rule Matt!
Oh my god...will you please consider adding a haikus post to your week? Please for the love of god I need it!
Even better dude...I think I'm going to have to put that one on a tee-shirt...for real. I'll wear it everywhere!
@ExposedWrists -
Given that I wrote
all my comments in haiku
haikus-a-plenty
The ones I wrote took me a while to post so maybe I'll see how creative I am. Oh and a few of those may be true stories. I'd love to see a t-shirt with my words on it.
I'm sorry but some of these were hysterical. <:) I should try haiku.
@theladyofabundance -
I hope you noticed
All my replies were haikus
Charmin Ultra-Soft
I must write haikus
Haikus save my mortal soul
You must post haikus
I'm glad you liked them
they're supposed to be funny
Come on, ride the train
this post did well, better than most any of mine mr poet master.
@I_once_was -
I cannot write poems
Haikus are easy to write
refrigerator.
@godfatherofgreenbay - fell upon thine's FOOT -- that junky refrigerator--your poeams aren't caput.
@I_once_was - Thanks to all these comments I think I have about 60 in reserve ready to be posted.
@godfatherofgreenbay - yays sighs of poetry--plenty to be dished out--and it is steaming.
Your articles are solon than wow!
top rooted android apps
man thats freaking awesome. but seriously, get some lube. or silk.
Comments are closed.