April 24, 2011

  • I invented solipsism

    No...I didn't but I thought people might come here to see what solipsism is and be overwhelmed with glee when they discover it's CATURDAY!



















    If you celebrate it, I hope you have a wonderful Easter.

    -EDIT- so not long after I posted this I tried to go to sleep because my church has a sunrise Easter service at 6AM.  Well those two little devils in the last photo prevented me from getting any sleep.  I guess it must have been because I slept in an unusual spot.  My back pain was acting up so the best way I relieve it is to sleep on my floor.  Well the cats find that to be their time to play or investigate to find out what the hell I'm doing.  I'm laying there with the lights out and with in five minutes I have Lua walking around me making her shrill tweeting sounds and Kiki crawling around the couch making her grunting noise.  I find some cat treats and think that would appease them but no.  They kept on investigating.  Lua crawls on me and walks the length of my body, up and down...up and down...up and down...up and down...up and down.  Finally she settled down on my hip and then started kneading her paws.  After about 15 minutes of kneading she curls up right on my hip bone.  I laid there with a cat on my hip for what seemed an eternity.  Soon she started heating me and then my hip throbbed and I'm in pain so I move a little and she growled at me.  I went to pick her up and she lets out this cry that was more of a "I'm going to slash your throat with a straight blade" cry instead of her usual "Oh gee why are you so mean" cry.  I shouldn't have moved her because the rest of the night she wouldn't leave me alone.  She crawled around the couch...yes, I sleep in front of my couch...she would flop down on the cushion and for some reason her silky smooth fur would make her slide down and land on my face.  I think the reason my cats have such silky fur is that after I finish showering they're in the shower rolling around before I can get out.  So after about the tenth time she slid down and landed on my face I decided to face the other direction.  That worked until I see Kiki scratching my speaker covers.  I yelled and that made her run to the kitchen and jump on top of my cabinets.  She was walking on top of the cabinets the rest of the night or so it seemed because I kept hearing her collar hitting bowls and beer mugs.  Then I hear a huge thud followed by two glass thuds.  Kiki jumped off the cabinets to the floor, about a 7 foot drop, and she brought down two beer mugs with her.  Thankfully they didn't break.  Those Germans sure know how to make a beer holder.  I lay back down my back pain is a little better.  I start counting sheep and I know sleep is imminent even though it's only going to be two hours.  MRWOW MRWOW MRWOW...if I ignore it she'll leave me alone and I can sleep MRWOW MRWOW MRWOW...oh crap what's she doing?  I think she's trying to crawl up on the pillows.  Yes, she's on the pillows.  Her whiskers are tickling.  Do I brush her off?  No, I'll just let her settle down so I can get about an hour and half of sleep.  Why the hell did she lay down on my face?  I can't breathe.  I ended up picking up Lua and put her down on the floor but she jumped back on my face.  I pick her up and put her on the floor again.  This time she jumps on me and walks the length of my body, up and down...up and down...up and down...then she settles on sleeping on my hip bone.  The next thing I know, it's 5 and I have to get up.  I'm sure the paper lady loved seeing me walk around my house in my tighty whities.  Then as I'm showering my cats stare at me.  It's very unsettling.  I think they are plotting something or maybe they are just atheists and are fraught with skepticism about me going to church and I should be staying at home to worship them.  I get to church and go sit in the balcony because I like sitting up there now because there's fewer distractions although this week I was distracted by the family with all the women who were wearing pajama jeans.  Seriously, they were wearing Walmart tuxedos to church.  I thought about doing live tweeting but figure I have enough reasons as is for getting sent to Hell so I shut my phone off.  Then after the service we had a breakfast in the basement and that was pretty much how I envision Hell.  That smell of hard boiled eggs permeating everything and old folks who don't give a damn passing gas whenever they feel like it and that sulfur smell burning your eyes.  I am now sitting at home.  I was going to take a nap but within seconds of getting in bed I had two cats jump on the bed and start whining.  Looks like I'm not getting any sleep until this evening.  Now comes the time for the traditional family Easter celebration when we go to the casino for lunch followed by some craps and roulette.

Comments (50)

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment