July 5, 2011

  • Meh

    I’m sort of in a writing slump.  I can’t think of anything besides the jokes I post with my Motivation posts.  I’m not doing a homework assignment because I thought it’d be cruel and unusual punishment to hand out homework on July 4th.  I had an epic post for Caturday but I think I’ll just push that back to this coming Saturday because so far people have taken heed of my admonition for all the talk about LoBorn.  Blah blah blah.

    1. What are your initials?:
    GOGB

    2. Does your printer print fast & well?::
    Yes, I thought I got suckered into buying one of those Kodaks because of Donald Trump but it’s been very reliable…much better than the HP I used to have.

    3. Do you have shoes on?::
    no I am barefoot but not pregnant

    4. Are there any lights on in the room?::
    yes, my overhead lights are on because I can’t sit in the dark

    5. How many days of school left do you have?::
    I’m already looking forward to the next school year

    6. What are you going to do right when you get out of school?::
    well if this was when I was a student I usually masturbated and when I teach I go home and have a drink and then go to Xanga and then masturbate

    7. Are you going to be sad that you are leaving?::
    Leaving?  I’m never leaving Xanga.  I’ve seen the error of my ways when I get pissed off at people who claim to be comedians and spew racist posts and the people who claim that they are the funniest people on Xanga.

    8. What was your last entry about?:
    Not having anything to say and posting funny photos.

    9. In the last IM you sent, what did you say?::
    so is it my turn yet

    10. What is your favorite crayon?::
    macaroni and cheese or flesh

    11. Have you ever gone streaking in the winter?::
    I wouldn’t go streaking in the summer let alone the winter.  I’d fear shrinkage.

    12. What time did you go to bed last night?::
    about 1AM

    13. Are any of your great grandparents still alive?::
    No

    14. What era do you wish you lived in?::
    I remember a Xangan saying that they’d love to live in the 50s because it was wholesomer…their word…Yep, racism and segregation are wonderful as was blatant misogyny and spousal abuse.  Teen pregnancy rates were higher but girls didn’t flaunt their knocked up nature on TV shows but they went to live with relatives up north and their children were subsequently raised by other family members and sometimes their children were raised to be their siblings or they gave up their children for adoption…THE GOOD OLD DAYS!  Fuck that, I’ll stay around here because racism is dead…oops…there is no misogyny…oops…no spousal abuse…oops…teen pregnancy rates are lower…oops…I’ll just go to a deserted island.

    15. If you were stranded in the forest, what would you do?::
    well Bear Grylls would say I should drink my own urine but I’d probably not panic, kill some animals, gut them for warmth, and what not.

    16. What is your layout of?::
    I don’t get this question.  Whoever wrote this survey has no clue about the Bloom’s taxonomy.

    17. Have you ever thought of where the world ends?::
    Are you saying the world is flat or are you talking apocalypse?  To all people who think they want to write a survey…READ BLOOM’S TAXONOMY! 

    18. What exercise equipment do you own?::
    I would say Shakeweight but that has only improved my sex life and by sex life I mean masturbating.  I think I will lose readers after I post this because of all the masturbation references.  Face it, people, we all do it.  Just read Bloom’s Taxonomy and it’s all there.

    19. Are you wearing a watch?::
    My wrists are too big and I have bad allergies.

    20. What brand is your shirt?::
    I’m topless but if a member of PETA saw me they may say “Fur is murder.”

    21. Are your toenails painted?::
    I am missing toenails.

    22. Are you going to take a shower after this?::
    All this talk of masturbation has me all riled up so I’ll have to go take a cold shower.

    23. How many stories is your house?::
    2 but whatever house that houses me has countless stories

    24. Have you ever shocked yourself?::
    Numerous times, the last time was the worst

    25. Have you been hit by lightning?::
    No but some days I expect it

    26. Have you ever been swimming while it was raining?::
    Of course

    27. Do you usually tan or burn?::
    I used to tan really well and you could tell my ethnic roots but then I got on the blood pressure meds and I only burn showing other ethnic roots

    28. Have you ever been in a tanning salon?::
    I only wear a sock

    29. What kind of surveys do you like to take?::
    I like ones that have good questions written by people who have obviously read and understood Bloom’s Taxonomy

    30. Have you ever flashed a guy?::
    Does getting naked in the locker room count?

    31. Have you ever given out your # to some random person?::
    no, I don’t even give out my pound sign to my parents.

    32. What do you think about online dating?::
    I think it’s the only way I could date because it’s the only way I can trick women into liking me.

    33. Are you scared of the dark?::
    Only when I think there are aliens roaming in my kitchen

    34. Do you ever study?::
    Well it seems as if someone didn’t study Bloom’s Taxonomy

    35. Do you say that you will never raise your kids like your parents raise you?::
    I will raise my children to write proper questions on internet surveys but I probably won’t have children because I haven’t tricked the right girl into liking me yet

    36. How many kids do you want?::
    well since I won’t be the one who is pregnant…as many as the grains of sand on the seashore

    37. Are you scared of giving birth?::
    not really since I have a penis but then I fear childbirth because if I watch that I fear impotence.

    38. Do you think you’re annoying?::
    I think there are about a couple hundred people on Xanga who will agree

    39. When was the last time you were extremely sick?::
    I am currently extremely sick of the poor questioning of this survey.

    40. What is your favorite kind of underwear?::
    I enjoy the briefs because I like the tight fit.  With boxers it’s total anarchy down there

    41. Do you wish Xanga had forums?::
    Hey, instead of trying to make Xanga something it’s not or doesn’t need to be let’s celebrate the fact that Xanga is Xanga

    42. Have you met anyone on Xanga?::
    poor questioning…I have met a lot of people on Xanga but not outside of the internet unless you include the people who I knew before I started this site.

    43. Would you date someone more than 10 years older than you?::
    If they were rich and could pamper me then yes

    44. Where are you planning on living when you get older?::
    I am happy where I currently reside but when I get extremely old I don’t want to live under the ground

    45. Have you ever been to the Naval Academy?::
    No

    46. Do you know your family history?::
    Pretty much

    47. Do you like to make lots of screennames & link them all together?::
    No

    48. What is the most overused smiley?::
    I don’t get the faces with the XD are they racist?

    49. What is the most overused word?::
    Why

    50. Do you like the movie “Napoleon Dynamite?”::
    In total hipster mode here…I liked it before it was commercially released.  I got sick of it when I had students who wore nothing but Napoleon Dynamite clothes every single day.

    51. Would you ever name your kid Napoleon?::
    Yes, and if anyone would say I named him after the movie I’d put them in the guillotine. 

    52. Do you own a beanbag chair?::
    I had one when I was growing up.  It was actually my dad’s and he said it was the only piece of furniture he owned before he met my mom.

    53. What magazines do you get?::
    Bloomberg, ESPN, Casual Male Big and Tall

    54. Do you wear a lot of hemp?::
    No, what do you think I am, some sort of founding father?

    55. Do you play handball?::
    oh yeah, I play LOTS of handball.

    56. Do you find yourself daydreaming a lot?::
    What was that?  I wasn’t paying attention.

    57. What is your home football team?::
    I have no football team in my home but I enjoy the Green Bay Packers

    58. What is your home basketball team?::
    I have no basketball team in my home and I hate refball

    59. When was your last shave?::
    yesterday

    60. What parts of your body do you shave?::
    face, what else would a guy shave?  Do you think I’m some sort of perverted Frenchman?

    61. Do you like open or enclosed areas?::
    open

    62. Do you like being alone or around a lot of people?::
    I can do either, currently I’m enjoying the aloneness

    63. Do you think what type of music a person listens to says a lot about them?::
    Yes, totally, I listen to a lot of classical music while I masturbate so that automatically should tell you I’m a high-falutin’ masturbator.

    64. Will you have a job over the summer?::
    I like having free summers

    65. What was your last search online?::
    How many days is it normal to have diarrhea?

    66. Do you own a poodle?::
    No

    67. Type whatever word comes to your mind.::
    nonfarcicality

    68. Close your eyes & grab something.::
    and then? 

    69. Try to describe feet in as many words as you can.::
    feet is a non-metric unit of measurement that belongs to the United States customary units of measurement.  1 foot is 12 inches and there are 3 feet in a yard and there are 16.5 feet in a rod and there are 60 feet or 4 rods in a chain and there are 10 chains in a furlough and 8 furloughs in a statute mile and 8 statute miles in a league.

    70. Do you have a dirty mind?::
    no, I keep my mind pretty clean by huffing a lot of Pledge

    71. Do you have a maid?::
    not yet but I’m hoping I’ll eventually get married

    72. Do you make your bed every morning?::
    oddly enough, yes

    73. What day of the week is your favorite?::
    Flursday

    74. Would you be capable of making your own survey?::
    Yes because I’ve read Bloom’s Taxonomy

    75. How long have you been online?::
    I didn’t know of the internet until 1998 and that was when I first started using it

    76. Does your best friend annoy you?::
    not really but he sometimes spits at me

    77. Is there someone you don’t talk to but wait online for them all day?::
    I don’t understand this question, I do like talking to people online

    78. What is your definition of “love?”::
    I can’t remember because it’s been so long since I’ve been loved.

    79. Do you find your life fascinating?::
    I have to admit I’ve lead a fantastic life

    80. Name one person::
    Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo

    81. Why did they come to your mind?::
    He needed some advice

    82. What kind of cake do you like?::
    Tasty cake

    83. Do you sing in the car?::
    Yes, I’m up for a Grammy

    84. Has anyone ever caught you picking you nose?::
    you did

    85. What toppings do you put on your ice cream?::
    chocolate sauce, wasabi covered peas, nuts, snozzberries.

    86. What word is shorter when you add 2 letters to it?::
    Short or penis

    87. How many situps can you do in a minute?::
    42

    88. Type whatever lyrics come to your head.::
    The law don’t mean shit if you’ve got the right friends
    That’s how the country’s run
    Twinkies are the best friend I’ve ever had
    I fought the law and I won

    89. Have you ever fallen down the stairs?::
    My rottweiler once dragged me down the stairs

    90. What 2 colors are best together?::
    Green and gold or cardinal and white


    I was going to write about this too but I’m working with the cyber police to backtrace the IP addresses so I can find out who is behind this and then ask them out for a steak dinner.

    @carolinavenger this is where I saw that quote.

    Yep, that’s pretty much what I think of Scott Walker too, Blondie.

    I seriously hope you had a good 4th of July, tough guy.

    If you didn’t, then I’ll sic her on you.

    Let us now pray that ALL the U.S. wars would come to an end.

Comments (38)

  • I laughed out loud to your 22 and my son asks, “Why are you laughing, mommy?” … haha yea… all I said was “nothing” … 

    and your  71… cracked me up twice… I couldn’t get over you answer… lmao

  • tasty cake hahaha

    i never knock masturbation.  i used to before i learned how to do it properly

  • You should’ve copied the Wikipedia article for foot.  That would’ve been a wordier answer.

  • That was a long survey.  And amusing…  I’ll probably try it later on if I remember and can stay in a sitting position for that long.  

  • Wow, you are allergic to time?!? Now that is some serious allergies!

  • You, writing slump? That’s impossible! :)

  • what the…?  you do surveys?

  • i love surveys too they’re a great way to take up boredum! :)

  • 6, 25 made me laugh you’ve grown up to a wider understanding of life and if imprudant with beer consumption are an easier target for the gods ;) :D

  • Yes, we all do it….and some of us more often than others! 

    SO many of these cracked me right up! But, #9 and 71 made me laugh loudest!

    Hope you had a good l-o-n-g weekend! I did!
    HUGS!

  • OMG 71 hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Matt, I love you. You’re awesome.

  • Flursday…lol..I almost didn’t realize.

  • Masturbation..masturbation..oh, and more masturbating. Love it.

    I think you should make up a survey for us to take. I assume it would be excellent. Just a thought.

  • Hooray for Ike! :D

  • thanks for the heads up.  I’ll beware of the classical station if we’re ever in the car together.

    hilarious stuff.

  • Bear Grylls: “5:54? Time to drink my own piss.”

  • I do hope that you get out of your writing slump. It sucks a lot of the time. ;/

  • what the sam hell is Blooms Taxonomy?

  • I suppose that wasn’t really mayonnaise either, huh?

  • Oh My!  You are in a slump.

  • @pinktiger335 - sweet…I love when I get people laughing so that those around them need to ask what is so funny.  I RULE!  I have to say 71 was a joke.  I have such weird feelings about someone else doing my laundry.  I don’t know what it is.  I fear that they would talk to their friends about my undergarments or something.

    @bonmots - I had a friend who was similar.  She always complained about needing to fall asleep faster and I suggested it and she was like “Ew that’s gross!”  Then one day I get an email that said what I suggested worked.

    @Rob_of_the_Sky - yeah, I probably should have…hindsight is always 20/20

    @NightlyDreams - well it was good to see that you were able to do one of these

    @ExposedWrists - tell me about it, that’s why I’m either always bored or just killing time.  I have to kill it before it kills me and it will kill me if I don’t get an injection from my adrenaline pen in time…uh-oh…TIME…get my pen!

    @kachino - I haven’t done any advice columns in a long time, I haven’t done any comic book or tattoo posts…Maybe I should learn how to read

    @maniacsicko - well that is the truth…hard to believe, isn’t it?

    @fromprivatetopublic - yes they are and I try to inject humor into them

    @Of_All_The_Gall - but I thought Ben Franklin said that beer is proof that God is a loving God, so how is that Xanga break going for you?

    @AdamsWomanFell - my weekend was long and hot, no air conditioning and I didn’t want to fight the crowds at the water parks so I sat in front of a fan watching tv…USA USA USA USA USA

    @opticalnoise - 71 is evidence as to why I am not married

    @StrawberrySunrises - Well according to America’s finest newspaper, The Onion, NBC invented Flursday so they could have an extra edition of Dateline.  Remember when NBC had Dateline on almost every night?  I do.

    @Nipsyyy - you know, after my next post I think I will

    @carolinavenger - yep, I love that speech from everyone’s favorite Republican

    @distractedbyzombies - thank you…you would hate to see me when I listen to Wagner

    @Blackspidertat - I love those memes

    @Hinase - yeah, I don’t know if it’s really a slump since I think my next post is rather epic but it’s more that I’m having problems with Xanga.  People are focusing on one person instead of the community and it gets sickening.

    @ElevenStones - Bloom’s Taxonomy is basically a classification of learning objectives.  It is most often applied through questioning.  Basically it’s asking different type of questions to ascertain what students have learned.

    @adventofreason - I can only wish.  I grew up in an anti-mayo house.  It was Miracle Whip or nothing.  When I moved out for high school I rebelled and put mayo on everything.

  • @hesacontradiction - I have a feeling this next post will get me out of it but what do I know.  I think the heat has sapped me as has Xanga itself

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - I think the slump has hit many of us.  Hey, I thought you would appreciate this.  My bother in law works in West Des Moines and apparently one of his friends was eating lunch when guess who walked in.  Yep, you got it!  The lady in red herself, Miss Sarah Palin.  Apparently she wanted to eat authentic Iowan food, so her political advisor took her to Panera Bread.  I just shook my head when I heard that.

  • @hesacontradiction - Oh that is priceless.  I think Panera Bread is a good old Midwestern eatery…well at least it’s based in Missouri.

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - but she was in Pella!  I lived in pella.  There must be a hundred Mom and Pop resturants in between there and here.  She had to pick the commercial chain??? :P

  • @hesacontradiction - OH DANG!  I hadn’t thought about that.  She should have been eating with the “REAL AMERICANS” and not those corporate folks but then who would finance her campaign.

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - I want to know what all these governors that won last Nov are going to do?  She backed all of them and now they are running.  I would say that in her choice of places to eat….I hope they don’t promise her a place in government.  Can you imagine her as Secretary of State?  As soon as that time of the month comes…some poor country will probably be bombed.

  • Where do perverted Frenchmen shave?

    DO NOT say in the bathroom! :)

  • @jamekablue - salle de bain 

  • @hesacontradiction - what about Michelle Bachmann?  I have nightmares that she’s the current front-runner

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - (shivers)  I was reading a blog in Egypt.  The Vanity Fair had highlighted these people who have brought change and reveloution to Egypt by internet.  The sad part was this person hated Obama so much and the Americans…I don’t think he has a chance with foreign policy.  It made me rethink supporting overseas countries.  However, these people have no idea what McCain would have done.

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - good story. sleep better, masturbate. good slogan

  • Mayo is such a lovely condiment.  Closely followed by mustard and wasabe. Ketchup if I must.  Really, though, very funny stuff.  A patented Cindy snort was heard in this corner of Oklahoma.

  • @bonmots - also it’s much cheaper than going out and buying an expensive mattress that they claim will give you better sleep

  • @adventofreason - When I was in high school at a private school, they’d have salsa and Tabasco sauce along with salt and pepper on every table.  It was strange seeing people cover their food in those condiments.  Then the next high school I attended I lived with a couple of other students with a lady who took in students who lived too far away from the school for a daily commute.  One of the guys put ketchup on everything.  He claimed he did it because the lady’s cooking was so bland. 

    I used to put ketchup on hotdogs and someone told me that only mental patients and Texans put ketchup on hotdogs so now I just use mustard.

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - you’re just bad. ha ha ha very funny

  • Mustard on hotdogs is one of God’s sweeter gifts.  Throw on some onions and it sends me over the top. 

  • meh

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