October 5, 2011
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Motivation
I’d like to give a shout-out to all my Amish friends reading this.
So Amanda Knox was set free from Italian prison. It looks like Casey Anthony will have a roommate.
A study found that men overestimate their intelligence and women underestimate their intelligence. The study said this was evident whenever couple got married.
A recent study found that 65% of Americans couldn’t name one Supreme Court justice. That same 65% was able to name multiple TV show judges. That’s not even a joke.
Rolling Stone has an article about why R.E.M. split up. Apparently it’s because it is no longer 1995.
In California, Governor Jerry Brown signed legislation prohibiting cities from banning circumcision. Brown was quoted as saying, “This bill is just the tip of things to come.”
Comfort food may relieve my personal stress but it doesn’t relieve the stress on my buttons and belt.
The world’s oldest running car was sold at auction this week. It was built in 1884. The world’s oldest Chrysler was sold this week. It was built in 2006.
The bigger a girl’s sunglasses, the crazier she will be.
A study found that 45% of people can’t sing and they are known as “rappers”.
In a recent poll 50% of responders said that sex was a “deep and meaningful act shared between partners” and the other 50% were men.
Hank Williams Jr. was on FOX News and he compared John Boehner golfing with President Obama to Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu golfing with Hitler. ESPN promptly dropped Hank’s song from Monday Night Football. When I turned on the game I didn’t know if I was truly ready for some football. Maybe Chili’s could hire him to do their babyback ribs song. They should replace Hank’s song with Prince’s “Purple Rain”. He’d just change the words “purple rain” to “Monday night” and it would make a lot of sense and get me excited for football. I also have to say that was pretty stupid on Hank’s part. As if people needed another reason to hate country music.
We are going to have a short winter. The University of Minnesota Golden Gophers were afraid to exit the locker room on Saturday.
My favorite sex position is the one where I’m having sex.
How many times do you get to do it before you are no longer considered bi-curious?
And now for your extra strength dose of motivation:
This Christmas I plan on giving Facebook gift cards to my family because nothing says “I love you” like giving people fake money so they can buy fake things for their fake farms. Thus proving my love is fake.
If people say they have a secret ingredient for food they’ve made, that secret ingredient usually means they don’t wash their hands before cooking.
My blood type is the legal limit. I watched the new Ken Burns documentary about Prohibition while enjoying a bottle of bourbon just like the Found Fathers intended.
The reason Governor Christie hasn’t announced his candidacy for president is because he’s negotiating with Herman Cain to be his vice president. Christie is holding out for 8 slices of pepperoni a day but Cain is only willing to give him 6 slices of plain cheese.
I’ve always had the dream that some day I’d like to snort coke off a hooker’s ass but then I’d have to be a Republican and run under the family values banner.
I think I’m in love. The true way to tell you are in love is if you can picture having sex with your partner when you are both in your 70s and you aren’t repulsed.
Why do girls ask guys if they want to have sex? Is it some sort of trick question?
I’m listening to Digital Underground and I’m trying to think of people who would get busy in a Burger King bathroom. I can only think of janitors and people who just ate at Burger King and have explosive diarrhea. But it sure was fun smoking weed with that group. They had the tallest bong I've ever seen.Ladies, when a guy says you have nice eyes it means that you have nice boobs.
The best music to use when having sex? The Statler Brothers.
A good way to tell if the woman you are with is the one for you is if she knows which wine goes best with all the items on the Taco Bell menu.Nothing is sexier than seeing a woman wearing a Packers jersey and cheering on my team…wait, nothing is sexier than seeing a woman completely naked and cheering for the Packers.
I’m holding my breath because the Pulitzer committee is going to announce winners. I’m expecting to win one because of my earth-shattering posts.
If you are a conjoined twin and you masturbate is that considered incest? I’ll ask the twins.
What is the male equivalent of faking orgasms? Saying you don’t look fat in that outfit.
Moneyball spoiler: The A’s never win the World Series unless they have a line-up filled with guys on steroids.
I’ve found that the key to a woman’s heart is shaped like a large penis and has the VISA symbol on it.
Some people use Xanga for therapy and to make people laugh. And then there are some people who use Xanga to be complete douches and harass everyone around them because their own lives are so shitty. Guess which type there is more of on this site.
Say “I’m leaving Xanga” is like saying “I’ll have just one more drink”. Quit fooling yourself.
Comments (27)
What is the answer to the question of whether we want to have sex when a girl asks?
Yes Yes Yes
@WondersCafe - I think I would answer more like "Hell yeah"
Fuck. my sunglasses are huge.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@godfatherofgreenbay - meh. it's part of my charm.
Danki... unt guder mariye !!!!!
Flowers on the Wall! Great song!
Guess which other song I listened to???
Your yesterday's post was pretty motivating to ME, Matty....
But, this post is motivating, too! Love your Xanga one-liners! 
And, ha, the Taco Bell/wine joke made me snort-laugh! Hey, a Taco Bell burrito and roll in the hay is my idea of a fun date! (Hope none of my Xanga-kids read this!)
HUGS!
@roscoes_farm - Dude! Every site I go to comment on, you're on top of me!
@AdamsWomanFell - well, I'd rather be behind ya....
I AM LEAVING XANGA!
"The bigger a girl’s sunglasses, the crazier she will be."
I have found this to be true as well. Turns out I'm semi-crazy.
Being that I'm a lady of quality, I can easily tell you what wine goes with all the items on not only the Taco Bell menu, but every menu of fast food that you may decide to sample. This is a vintage neither red nor white. Behold: Hot Dog Wine.
The color does tend to defy conventional descriptions. I simply call it Smegma Chablis or Smegma Chardonnay. It's my understanding that the nose and body are rather...earthy.
What level of insanity does the size of regular glasses convey? Because I wear those.
We have a pot luck at work almost every friday hosted by some of the same people that come out of the bathroom and don't wash their hands. Scarey day for sure lol
I think those gift cards would go over well with my co-workers too. They are always inviting me to play those stupid games.
Regardless what, no matter what, I'm still leaving Xanga.
That is so true about people who say they are leaving Xanga! It's like a magnet, no-one ever leaves, well not permanently anyway.
Well, I disagree with the Dawkins poster. He doesn't expect what he wrote to be followed blindly, as the bible does. He argues his case, and you're encouraged to think it through for yourself.
Other than that, pure gold as usual.
What! 65% of the people forgot about Clarence Thomas already? People have the attention span of gnats! LOL
I have large sunglasses. But I ain't that crazy! I swear!
I'M LEAVING XANGA. After I have one last drink, of course... *downs whiskey*
@roscoes_farm - guten morgen herr Roscoe
@AdamsWomanFell - You listened to the Star Spangled Boner thinking it was something else
I think Taco Bell before roll in the hay is sort of like playing Ambien Roullette...where you take the sleeping pill and try to get off before you fall asleep...yeah never a dull moment in my house.
@RestlessButterfly - You'll be back
@AmanduhPie - I'm paranoid because I wear glasses that are bullet-proof
@ZombieMom_Speaks - Oh god...Pruno, I have actually smelled some of that. A friend took me to his dad's house and he was preparing for a trip to jail by making a batch.
Well I'm just paranoid because I bought a pair of sunglasses that are bulletproof.
@LadyofWaters - I am turning into a germaphobe the more I see how unclean people are.
The last time I was in a Walmart I saw a section in the electronics that was filled with giftcards for all those facebook games. My jaw dropped in disbelief.
@beauty_is_truths_smile - I wonder if someone read that because I noticed someone that I enjoyed reading left.
@In_Reason_I_Trust - I know that's what his goal is but I have heard people say, "Richard Dawkins says..." and of course it was met with someone who said "Oh yeah well God says..." I just wish people would think for themselves on both sides. I remember when I was in the ministry dealing with a mother whose beliefs changed with every book she read. The Da Vinci Code saw her wanting the church to start preaching that Jesus had kids. Then she read Dawkins' book and well she was an atheist until she picked up a copy of "The Purpose Driven Life". Yeah, that's one reason I'm no longer in the ministry.
@spinner_mom - Well the only thing I remember about Clarence Thomas in the past few years is how his wife says on taxes that she has no income but accepts $700,000 from special interest groups on behalf of her husband but of course I was just a kid when all the things went down with that lady and what I thought was at the time "public hair" which I thought was hair on the top of his head so I had no idea why it was a big deal.
@randaness - what's your brand of the devil's dew?
@godfatherofgreenbay - that's for the other type of paranoid people the ones that don't want to give their info out to the internet.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I haven't tried enough to know for sure.
I love the one where Only in America do we engrave "In God We Trust" next to a non-believer.
I was two for two until I remembered that Sandra Day O'Connor wasn't on the team anymore. In my defense, my mom loves Judge Judy and practically makes me watch it with her.
Let me guess the wine that goes with the Taco Bell menu is white zinfandel, right? See, I got class and it's all low. You really got us thinking with this post.
@randaness - I have a bottle of Old Whiskey River which is made by Willie Nelson...good stuff.
@curiousdwk - although some people will say he was the greatest Christian ever.
@judyrutrider - Defense...overruled.
I was thinking it was Thunderbird that went with everything on the Taco Bell menu.
Yes, but only the many (perhaps majority) who will bend facts to conform and confirm their own beliefs.
Comments are closed.