November 8, 2011

  • 10 Bits of Godfatherly Advice that will Land You in Prison

    10.  If you have to take a dump, do it anywhere.  The animals can do it in public so why not you.
    9.  Using The Works with aluminum foil in your backyard is a fun way to beat boredom.  It's not like the explosions will be that big...unless you add some other substances and put the materials on a public thoroughfare or in a mailbox.
    8.  Stop signs must have proper identification tags on the back otherwise they aren't binding.  They must have a tag in back saying the sign is commissioned by the county sign department and sheriff's department.
    7.  Speed limits are merely suggestions. 
    6.  Help out a Nigerian prince with his money problems.  They seem legit enough to email you and only you so you should help them out by laundering their money.
    5.  Have sex on a beach in a Muslim country.  They celebrate the nude body that God made so flaunt it and because so many countries over there have nothing but sand you shouldn't have to worry about fulfilling those fantasies about sex on a beach.
    4.  Run through an airport and through security to declare your love before she gets on a plane.  TSA will understand your love and how you want to stop her from ruining your potential.
    3.  Hide in bushes to observe your love.  It's so romantic when the object of your love finds out that you've been following her around everywhere she goes. 
    2.  If she looks old enough then she is old enough.
    1.  Sell yourself, it's the world's oldest profession.

    And now here are some things that I find funny.

    Heard of it?  I can never find it.

    I wonder if they give their employees overtime.

    I think this one goes with #2.

    Now there's something I'd like to occupy...wait, I'm no pie fucker.  Now there's something that I would like to occupy my stomach.

    That bastard!  I bet he's the reason why I'm paying so much for caviar.

    Only in Oklahoma.

    I'd say he was short changed.

    It's coming...winter weather advisory.

    They were testing Cialis and Viagra.

    Nicolas Cage really is everywhere.

    YES!  MAKE IT STOP!

    Maury should market this skirt so the skanks on his show will have an easier time figuring out who's the father of their children.

    I'd rather have this than a chocolate fountain.

    Sadly that fake ID worked for him.

    Sigh...have a good night.

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