December 1, 2011

• How You Know You Might be from Wisconsin

  Cripes...I can't believe I'm channeling Jeff Foxworthy

  If you have heard the word "cripes" and it's preceded by "crimeny"

  If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by

  If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation

  If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy"

  If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March

  If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year

  If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there

  If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead

  If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk

  If you have actually eaten Lutefisk even though you think it smells like death

  If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time

  If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett", "Mike", "Reggie", or "Aaron"

  If your town has an equal number of bars and churches

  If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number

  If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie, Manitowoc, Wauwatosa, Wauzeka, Mukwonago, Mequon, Ashwaubenon, Kaukauna, Weyauwega, Shawano, Potosi, Rio, Waunakee, Milwaukee, Ixonia, Ahnapee, Nasewaupee, Poy Sippi, and Wonewoc

  If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy

  If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters

  If you think the seasons of the year are Swat and Shovel,

  Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

  "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 23 for the weekend.

  You measure distance in hours or 6 packs of Beer.

  You know several people who have hit deer more than once.You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

  Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.

  You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

  You see people wearing Buck Country Camouflage at social events(including weddings).

  You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

  You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, beef, pork, and venison.

  You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

  There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.

  You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

  Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

  You refer to the Packers as "we."

  You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and rod construction.

  You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

  You consider Minneapolis exotic.

  Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to you blue spruce.

  You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

  Down South to you means Iowa .

  A brat is something you eat, and you only eat  a certain brand of brats because they are the best in the state

  Fights erupt at family reunions because someone brought the wrong brand of beer

  Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

  You go out to a fish fry every Friday

  Your 4th of July Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

  You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

  You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

  You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

  You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

  You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.

  You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!

  You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.

  You know the difference between Fleet Farm and Farm & Fleet.

  You spent more on beer and liquor than you did on food at your wedding.

  You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter.

  You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at the county fair.

  You know that "combine" is a noun.

  You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

  You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

  You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick".

  Football schedules, hunting season, fishing opener and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.

  A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

  You have eaten deep fried cheese curds and enjoyed them but you don't add that sissy marinara or ranch to them

  There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.

  You know what a bubbler is

  You have driven your car on the lake.

  You can make sense of "upnort," "bat-tree" and "warrssh."

  Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.

  Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

  The local gas station sells live bait.

  At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.

  You think that the start of deer season or (the Packers going to the Super Bowl) is a national holiday!

  You vote for the Academy Award and every year you vote for Escanaba in the Moonlight, BASEketball, The Godfather of Green Bay(a movie about my life), Lars and the Real Girl, Mr. 3000, or Public Enemies.
  
  You still hate Brett Favre

  When you are out of state and people ask where you live, you hold up your hand and point to it
  
  You know your state has 4000 more lakes than the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes

  A mixed marriage is when you marry a Bears or Vikings fan and it's as tragic as Romeo and Juliet

  You have been to a polka mass

  People from Chicago come to your town for vacation
  
  You own at least one item of clothing that is cheese

  Even though it is 100F with 80% humidity and the water parks are packed with Bears and Vikings fans with screaming kids, you still come to my hometown

  You'll only eat Rippon Good cookies

  You know that Sarah Palin stole "you betcha"

  You know the troll capital of the world is Mount Horeb

  You use your snow blower and lawn mower in the same week

  You have at least one set of deer antlers in your home

  You tell fans of That 70s Show who aren't from Wisconsin that you've been to Point Place

  You know that the Packers have won more league championships than any other team in the NFL

  You know the original Willy Wonka, Gene Wilder, was born and raised in Milwaukee and you know someone who lives in his boyhood home.

  Ladies don't shave their legs in winter because they want an extra layer for warmth

  You know someone that has Packers' tickets or stock in their will

  You believe that margarine should still be outlawed

  You know that cows can walk up stairs but not down stairs

  You can drive by a field and tell what is planted in the field and know the difference between feed corn and sweet corn

  You are attracted to members of the opposite sex who are sporting Brewers, Badgers, or Packers apparel

  You actually understand these jokes, and you recommend this post  so all your Wisconsin friends and family can read it
  

  

  • 2:23 PM
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