December 22, 2011

• Terrible Tattoo Thursday 12/22 Christmas Edition part 2

  Last week I posted a batch of Christmas and Hanukkah tattoos.  This week I'm back with more Christmas tattoos.
  
  Have I ever told you about the one girl I dated who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week?  I once dated a girl who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week.
  
  So because I dated a girl who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week I loathe these tattoos.
  
  I refuse to watch that movie.
  
  I don't know if this is Zombie Santa or Demon Santa. 
  
  A lot of people tell me Elf is a good movie.  I've seen it once.  It's definitely not tattoo worthy.
  
  I found this tattoo and it said it was supposed to be Darwin but I thought it looked like Santa...interesting how my mind interpreted that.
  
  Here's another tattoo from the best Christmas special, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  I don't know why but I think it's because of Rudolph's expression that makes it look like Santa's trying to get Rudolph to do more than guide his sleigh by night.
  
  This is the only deer to stand up to Santa.
  
  Sweet Jesus!
  
  That tattoo will die hard.  I just hope he never encounters a man named Hans Gruber.
  
  And that, children, is why candy canes are red and white.
  
  Jeden Tag, jeden Jahr!  That says, "Merry Christmas every day" in German for those who don't sprech Deutsch.
  
  Immediately, my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with a blue button eye stared supply up at me.
  
  Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
  
  I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.
  
  It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand...
  
  Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.
  
  Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
  
  With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently.
  
  You used up all the glue on purpose!
  
  Tonight! Tonight! It's coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!
  
  They'll send the deed for cripesake. I didn't expect them to send a whole damn bowling alley.
  
  The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...
  
  Naddafinga!
  
  Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
  
  A Bad Santa bad tattoo?  Actually it's not that bad if you are considering the artwork but why would you get a Bad Santa tattoo?  WHY?  Did you ask Santa for it?  My brain hurts.

  I hope you have a happy holiday season and you avoid getting a regrettable tattoo.

  • 8:45 PM
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