December 24, 2011

• Guest Blogger: Christmas

  I've had guest bloggers in the past because sometimes I think that having a guest explain current affairs is better because I tend to have a slant on my views and it's always refreshing for you to hear what others have to say.  In the past I've had guest bloggers cover the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, Swine Flu, The Nobel Peace Prize, The Times Square Bomb Scare, Xanga Suicide Hoax, The BP Oil Spill, The Crisis in Egypt, The FBI Seizing Online Poker Sites, and the Penn State Tragedy.

  I figure it's time that I have a guest blogger talk about Christmas.

  
  Guest Blogger: Santa Claus

  Hello, boys and girls, I'm thankful that the Godfather has allowed me a chance to come to his site and share with you some of the joy that makes this time of the year so special.  I'd like to tell you about the celebrities I want to sit on my lap.

  

  1.  Olivia Munn  She's such a naughty little nerdy girl but that is what makes her so nice.  A lot of people don't consider her to be that attractive but she has a dirty mouth and Santa loves dirty mouths.

  

  2.  Katy Perry  I know, I know, Katy Perry is everywhere and has been on everything.  Well the one place she hasn't been is Santa's lap.  Santa isn't compiling a best singers list so Katy and her two guiding lights are welcome on my lap any time.

  

  3.  Minka Kelly  I love Minka and not just because she's hot or talented but also because she dumped Derek Jeter.  If there's one thing that Santa loathes more than naughty boys and girls it's the New York Yankees.  Thankfully ever since she dumped Jeter, he's been a shell of his former self.  Maybe it's because he has extra baggage because he's been using women like Kleenex.

  

  4.  Milla Jovovich  Santa loves the career path Milla has taken.  She started off starring in low budget stoner movies and now she's one of the greatest scream queens in Hollywood.  She has a special place in my heart since she leaves a wet spot in my pants.

  

  5.  Mila Kunis  Santa has had issues with Mila over the years.  It was hard for me to differentiate her from her character on That 70s Show.  Also she gave me hope that she was into regular dudes because she dated Macaulay Culkin for a period of time.  I know for a fact that I am twice the man Macaulay is...in more ways than one.

  

  6.  Bar Refaeli   Bar is the reason there should be peace in the Middle East.  Anytime a Palestinian makes a point for a free Palestinian state, the Israelis will hold up a photo of Bar.  Then the Israelis will use the Palestinians erections as bargaining chips because no good Palestinian would ever find a lowly Jew girl attractive.

  

  7.  Sarah Silverman  Speaking of Jew girls...Santa would love to give this Jew girl a toy for her to play with.  She could always spin my dreidel any day of the week and I'll always land on gimel.

  

  8.  Sofia Vergara  Sofia sure is an amazing example of overcoming the language barriers.  She was an A-list celebrity in America before she even spoke the language.  I'm sure any Tea Partier who says, "Welcome to America, now speak English" would change their mantra for Sofia.  She has it all...pretty face, luscious curves, exotic accent...what more do you need...besides X-ray vision?

  

  9.  Scarlett Johannson  Scarlett had quite the year and the only low point was when she dated Sean Penn but she dropped that deadweight and released some great cellphone pics proving she was all natural.  She has that flat belly, perfect teardrop shaped breasts, and an apple shaped ass that you just want to bite into.  Oh, Mrs. Claus, I need to get you a stairmaster.  But the best part of Scarlett is that she is a fan of the Green Bay Packers.

  

  10.  Coco  Are there any questions to ask as to why Santa wants this sitting on his lap?

  At this point GodfatherofGreenBay says that his views aren't necessarily shared with the guest blogger but he is drowning in drool at this point so have a Merry Christmas.

  • 2:14 AM
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