January 30, 2012

  • Homework Assignment 1/23

    I enjoyed reading your answers to the last homework assignment.  I also included my movies.  I included more than what the assignment called for because a few of you opted for extra credit.  Overall I was pleased so your grade is A+.

    Now your next assignment:

    A. 

    B.    

    You can do one or the other or for extra credit you can do both.  Make sure you explain your answer.

    Now...get to work.

    OK...here are my answers:
    A.  First, off I'd probably squeal with delight because now I could feel up a woman and not get slapped for it.  Then I'd probably go do my hair and find out why my last girlfriend loved her showerhead.  Then I'd head for the shipyards to welcome all the sailors to port.
    I have a feeling most girls would go around doing jumping jacks and the helicockter and then impregnate things and most guys would use a vagina as a convenient storage space.

    B.  1.  They'd have to be able to tolerate me.  2.  They'd have to be quirky to match my sense of humor and I'd like them to have that same humor but not upstaging.  3.  They have to be rich so I can be a gold digger.  And I bet you thought I was going to say boobs.  I'm more refined than what you think.

Comments (44)

  • hah i don't know how this works. i am new to this assignment thing. sounds like a fun question to answer. i think i answered this once in a video, asked by roadlesstaken. but only one thing i would do

  • A.  I'd be blogging about it on xanga

    B.
          1. (have no flaw) Perfect
          2. (not insignificant) Significant
          3. (not myself) Other

  • My only criteria for a perfect significant other is that you have to be Tyler Hansbrough. Mmmm hmmm. Of course, perfection in most aspects of life is unattainable. So three criteria for a significant other as close to perfect as is reasonable: 1) can live with my profanity-laden tirades during Dook games 2) is attentive to details and 3) is cool with the whole atheism thing.

  • I'm new in class. I guess I answer right here? If I woke up as a chick I'd do that thing where I get to have everything just the way I like it.

  • A. If anyone answer this question with anything besides "fondle myself" then they're lying.

    B. 1. Love the gas2. Will put up with my total hatred of the dog from Duck Hunt3. Will let me fondle her

  • A. Pray.

    B. Quiet, rich, and incorporeal...

  • depending on the time of discovery and mode.. if I hit the mirror and wha? duh check please. okay??? if in bed and whas? check please??"? duh the first thing is is check please.

    next - three requirements. I'm hoping to connect significantly..be nice if its positive..nextthe rest of the criteria are negotiable ;) who's on top/bottom left right of the bed who friggin cares as most times I'll be getting my way or being wise and losing one thing for the greater good, who knows what we can give or take to make a happy life together. Ihave a second requirement that they be human.  eat sleep piss poo want and get sexual gratification care laugh and yet be in the same boat as I alive and marginally compatible.  my third requirement is as best we can- to bu of value to the other....again this can be negative but I'd rather it not be.

  • oh man, is that first question easy.
    I wouldnt leave the house that day....  maybe the next one either. 

  • A.  yep.  that's what i'd do.
    B. no such thing.  but... 1)has to have a pretty darn good sense of humor, doesn't even matter if it's bad.  life needs laughter.  2)has to be pretty relaxed, patient, gowiththeflow.  because, honestly, i'm a pain in the heiney  3)willing to show affection.

  • A - Freak the hell out.
    B - Perfect, significant and other. :P

  • B. Tall, dark and handsome.

  • A:  I would totally play with myself...penis' are pretty neat, if you ask me.

    B:  There is no perfect significant other....you just have to figure out whether or not you can live with someone else's imperfections.  I don't want perfect...perfect is boring.

  • a) find the 'zoltare' machine and never put money in it again...
    b) 1. they have to have opposite functioning anatomical things...  like if i go out (you know which that the general direction i trend), they like things that go in...(ok several places perhaps, oh man is this a slippery slope) 2.  just because - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kJKluCBsMU&feature 3. gotta be able to laugh, at themselves, and at least as much as my attempts at humor...

  • I'll scream and scream and scream.  Oh God, I don't want to be a man!  No way!

  • 1. If I woke up as a guy, the first thing I would do is definitely pee standing up, because I can! hahaha

    2. Three criteria for the perfect significant other would be trust (they have trust in me and I can trust them), love (they love me and let me know), and commitment! :)

  • I'd try to pee my name in the snow.

  • I'd try to pee my name in the snow.

  • A. Get a BJ. I know how amazing it feels to GIVE them...I'd like to know how it feels to get one.
    B. Compassionate, great sense of humor, and really love me as I am.

    HUGS!

  • @Rob_of_the_Sky - I agree, probably followed by shooting myself.  I dunno really depends on how the fondling thing went.

  • @Lakakalo - also a very good answer

  • @Rob_of_the_Sky - Not necessarily.  Like I said, the first thing I'd do is freak the hell out.

  • A:
    Pee. First thing I do every morning is pee.

    B:
    1) Must be mostly Slavic (Don't care if he's Czech, Slovak, Serbian, Croatian, etc)
    2) Religious somehow, but not a fundie
    3) Fun
    ... obviously I want someone honest, respectful, caring, trustworthy, loving, but for other criteria those three are it.

  • I choose A.
    The first thing I'd do waking up as a man would be to check out the new materials.  lol  After I got threw messing around I'd probably go find some place to act like an idiot.  I mean I have the parts why not turn off the brain and do something stupid.  Like go ATV riding or some weird stunt just because.  I'm really not sure what I'd do lol  but I'm pretty sure I'd have fun doing it.

  • damn...running out of laptop power...might have to get up. :/

    A: duh

    B: Intelligent, good sense of humor, and easy-going. I'm not sure I'm actually attracted to easy-going but I feel like it is a very undersold quality.

  • A - First thing? Probably go into hysterics because odds are I don't know what the hell is going on.

    B - Ability to tolerate me and my nerdy ways; A sense of humor that involves laughing WITH me, not just AT me; Boobs.

  • A: Play with my shiny new penis, of course.

    B: caring. funny. intellectual. I guess. If I had to narrow it down to three. 

  • A. I'd have to see if there's any truth to the theory about yoga

    B. There's no such thing as a perfect S.O. and if there is I wouldn't like him

  • A.  Pee standing up.  Everyone has to pee in the morning, so I may as well give it a whirl vertically.
    B.  Trustworthy, good sense of humor, compassionate

  • probably take a piss. first thing most people do in the morning, no?

  • A. I would have sex with someone. Of the opposite sex (of what I was currently). Because it must be a totally different feeling to have sex as a man than it is to have sex as a woman, and I want to know what it feels like.

  • Haha, my answer to A was going to be "pee standing up" but I see that many others have the same answer!  soooo....  A. Post it as a Facebook Status (but I wouldn't take a phone picture)  B.  There is no such thing as perfect, probably not even nearly so, but I'd like 1. Someone with a great sense of humor  2.  Someone who's not intimidated by smart, geeky, nerdy, klutzy girls.  3.  Someone who shares my values and religious beliefs.

  • If I woke up as a man, I would masturbate.  I won't lie.  I would yank that crank and make a mess everywhere.  I would do this as often as possible.  It's not like I would get laid.  You didn't say you would wake up as an ATTRACTIVE person of the opposite sex.
    1. Gotta be smarter than me.  2.  Gotta have a penis.  3. Gotta be willing to kill the fuckin' bug.

  • @AdamsWomanFell - yup.  i knew that.  

  • @bonmots - all you do is answer the questions in the comment box unless you want to do your own post about them

    @maniacsicko - very nice :)

    @carolinavenger - for a while there I thought Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough were the same person because when Hansbrough went pro he had all the same doubters.  I think it's just plain old racism.

    @dirtbubble - oh yeah and it would take forever because that's what chicks do

    @Rob_of_the_Sky - that's true and that frickin' dog, he must be brought down.

    @tribong_upos - yeah I'd probably be invoking God's name as well

    @starmanjones - I had a friend who broke up with his girlfriend because she refused to move from the side he liked to sleep on in bed.

    @roscoes_farm - so true, I'd probably invest in a camera to capture myself doing jumping jacks

    @promisesunshine - jumping jacks?

    @Lakakalo - hahahaha...you too

    @Peridot21 - hmmm I seem to have heard those somewhere before

    @cja1976 - thanks for being honest... :)
    I suppose you are right about being perfect and how it would get boring

    @xplorrn - oh man I didn't expect a Big reference
    good criteria, basically what I'm looking for

    @RestlessButterfly - yeah I think I'd probably scream too

    @raspberryjade - OK this may be tmi but there was a time when I was down at UW and I found a unisex bathroom and they had a toilet and two urinals.  I had no clue what the second one was for.  It turns out that it was a female urinal.  This is what it looked like.

    @nattata - While that may sound fun you also have to be careful with frostbite and...shrinkage

    @AdamsWomanFell - I think that would be something a lot of people in that position would do.

    @Cestovatelka - wow, that first of the criteria must be tough to find

    @LadyofWaters - you know how much that sounds like the average day of many men

    @distractedbyzombies - I assume your laptop has more power...if not we'll have to contact tim Allen

    @Garistotle - yeah I like to think I'd have fun but there'd be a lot of screaming

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - thus he had the proof
    of traitor to his cause JUST.
    bitch be-gone! dump-spray?

  • @Wait_by_Moonlight - hahaha...shiny and new...you make it seem like a car

    @oledphatnuglee - hahahaha...I was wondering if anyone would think of that or rib removal.
    You know that's a good thought.

    @JordanLevitts - my only advice is to make sure you are awake because sometimes they have a mind of their own first thing in the morning.

    @BranmacFeabhail - I should say to all the people who say "pee standing up" that there are female urinals, I saw some at UW once.

    @musicmom60 - yeah Facebook tends to not like photo like that...not that I know, I totally had a friend that had their facebook closed because he started using to post nude photos.

    @adventofreason - Yeah I think a lot of people would try out the new equipment

  • i would shave and get dressed and try to get a job

  • heh. Home Improvement jokes FTW. 

  • I mean, wouldn't it be odd to become a woman, but only physically? Of course, I'd be a lesbian automatically. I'd go and seduce chicks and have sex with them.

    Yeah, I'm classy like that.

  • @bonmots - I guess that's what a lot of guys are doing these days

  • @distractedbyzombies - I never thought it would come to Home Improvement jokes

  • @Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - oh man I forgot about lesbianism...well I suppose I could be bi then

  • I knew you were refined, Matty!

    Ha! You answer to A made me laugh uber loudly!

    HUGS!

  • @godfatherofgreenbay - Err... me too what? 0_O

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