Day: February 6, 2012

  • Homework Assignment 1/30

    I enjoyed reading the answers to your last homework assignment.  I included what I'd do on that last assignment so if you want to know how I'd react to waking up a woman go check it out.  I was glad so many of you are deciding to participate in class.  You all get an A.  I hope the assignments aren't that difficult.  I was considering making you write haikus for me but these will be better.

    Here's your next assignment.

    A. 

    B. 

    You can do one or the other or for extra credit you can do both.  Make sure you explain your answer if you choose to do B.

    Now...get to work.

    My answers:
    A.  "He sends lightning with rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses."  Yep, that's about right.

    B.  I'd probably want to know if I ever fall in love and if it's mutual.

  • Even More Haikus

    Yes, the book of Tim
    Guidelines for the young pastor
    It's a good book

    Hangovers are bad
    The first movie was decent
    Haven't seen the next

    Why can't you be here
    Your haikus are inspiring
    And my dick is hard

    I will be your bra
    Luscious breasts in trembling hands
    Motorboating time!

    What is oral sex?
    Is it talking about sex?
    I am so clueless

    Tried to write haiku
    About chicken salad and
    The shit's difference

    Eat chicken salad
    Everybody Loves Raymond
    Salad has lettuce

    Now tear out your heart
    Put it into your pocket
    Live life wild and free

    Uncomplicated
    Soggy days from falling rain
    But it never rains   

    On the face of it
    The miles between here and there
    Stretch the weary heart

    I always wonder,
    Do I even exist when
    I am not around?

    Is it possible
    For males to survive without
    Female surveillance?

    Smoke on the water
    And a fire in the sky
    That’s not how it goes

    Awake and naked
    Lying alone in the heat -
    Adrift without you.

    I have a fever.
    My throat is sore. My head hurts.
    I will go die now. 

    I’m thinking, thinking
    Standardized education
    Think and think some more

    Lying in your bed
    Wrapped up in your taste and touch
    Oh man, my balls itch

    Sometimes it is hard
    Being the only one who’s
    Not a bag of shit

    My hair has a mind
    Of it’s own, I hate you, hair
    I will shave you off

    There was a time when
    I knew everybody’s name
    Too old for this shit

    I want you for me
    But if that’s not possible
    Being close is fine

    Fuck the zodiac
    I’m a Pisces, hear me roar
    But fish do not roar

    I’m still a Pisces
    Whatever does Pisces mean?
    Let us get it on

    With a wink and smile
    I will take you to my bed
    Time to play Twister

    Winter is endless
    It has never been longer
    That is what she said

    But I am evil
    I am partly Germanic
    Just partly evil


    Best friends are like jeans
    They sometimes fade and have rips
    Always hold your junk

    I should get that shirt
    Probably not in my size
    The fat haiku-ist

    Thank you, raspberry
    Judge my haikus in your group
    They'll openly weep

    I am not real
    That was a rumor here once
    Feel like a robot

    Maybe it's gay porn
    Surgical enhancements
    All things possible

    Johnny Galieki
    He's on The Big Bang Theory
    He knows magnetics

    Someone needs to start
    Haiku Aficionado
    group here on Xanga

    Believe in me now
    I am the haiku master
    Bee-bop-a-ree-bop

    Thanks, very kind sir
    Those were made for assignments
    Haikus for science

    I thank you so much
    Your comments mean much to me
    You poet genius

    Oops, it is Brat Stop
    Can't believe I was so wrong
    I still make the best

    Did you notice yours
    I defiantly wrote it
    Just for little you
    I'm part scandalous
    And part psychotic breakdown
    Can you hear me now?

    My house was the place
    where married men came to drink
    More liquor than bars

     I wrote all these damn things
    Why the fuck did I do this
    I don’t have a life

    I think they see me
    I really hope they do see
    I should slap them both

    Holy fuck I’m bored
    I can’t stop these damn haikus
    Don’t fucking judge me

    Thank you very much
    Booze makes everything better
    That is life, kiddo

    I hate braunschweiger
    It smells like dead animals
    Crawled inside your mouth

    You're oh so welcome
    Appreciate your kindness
    Xanga needs much more

    Oh the accolades
    I am not good with praises
    My skin turns bright red
    Sex sex sex sex sex
    In and out, big and meaty
    How hot was this one?

    You are welcome, sir
    I did your homework for you
    Passing guaranteed

    I love Nintendo
    Blowing the cartridge before
    I could even play

    Here is your haiku
    I hope you enjoy it because
    It's very hard work

    Oh and here's one more
    This haiku is about you
    Even though it's not

    My dreams are all sex
    sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
    Always on my mind

    Maybe it's because
    I'm lonely and have Tumblr
    Just buy a hooker

    you make me face fears
    I'll die alone with my brats
    Sausage's not a good mate

    Shucks, here's a haiku
    You get haiku just because
    A nifty gifty

    Venison liver
    That is where it's at, kind sir
    Shot with my own gun

    Don’t let looks fool you
    I have petals for lips but
    A mouth full of thorns.

    Within the storm’s eye,
    Pause before the next tempest:
    Mute tears fall as ink

    Milk bags are useful
    And are easy to handle
    Bagged milk is awesome

    I want a girlfriend
    I really want a girlfriend
    I want a girlfriend

    Like footprints in snow,
    I know where I am heading.
    No doubt in the world

    Who died to make me
    The king of all the haikus?
    Twas Joe Paterno

    Thank you very much
    Took about three weeks to write
    I need to write more

    I have a pencil
    If I stick it in my ear
    It will hurt, a lot

    And you should see the
    Ambition in my eyes, the
    Hustle in my step

    Boobies yum yum yum

    Boobies on a girl who's dumb

    Boobies yum yum yum

    This has been awesome
    I am going to bed now
    I need to pee ok
    And Rick Santorum demonstrates my main source of inspiration for writing haikus.
    Who doesn't?
    We need to start a wristband campaign for lobsters who think they are supporting cancer awareness but are duped into being murdered awareness.
    Tom Cruise has begun work on a remake of Guess Whose Coming to Dinner.  This was actually what caused Herman Cain to drop out of the GOP primary race.  Can't a gentleman offer a lady a place to sit?
    And this was the day when Dora the Explorer found everything and gave up.

    Have a good night.  I ate so much cheese today.  I feel like I need to be rolled to bed.