Day: September 24, 2012

  • Homework Assignment 9/17

    OK, class, I graded and answered your last assignment.  Now some of you were a bit rusty but I'm going to chalk that up to summer brain entropy.  Make sure you answer the all the questions fully and concisely.

    Here's your next assignment:

    A.
       

    B.
       

    C. 
     
    Is this a good song to play at a funeral?  Why or why not?

    Make sure you do two of the questions and make sure for question C you answer the questions underneath the photo.

    Now get to work.

    My answers:
    A.  I'd probably end up in Germany so I could live in one of the Reformation castles or churches.  I also think Germany would be just like home.  I guess that is why so many Germans settled in this state because it reminded them of home.

    B.  I'd go with the Full House cast.  I was right around the same age as DJ and Stephanie.  I think DJ was supposed to be a couple years older and Stephanie was a couple years younger so I would've loved that dynamic plus you had the awesome rocker Uncle Jesse and the comedian Uncle Joey.  Then Danny would clean everything for you even when you drove the car through the kitchen.  Plus I'd get to hear "cut it out" quite often.  I might also like to live with The Foremans on That 70s Show, Lenny and Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley, and The Cunninghams from Happy Days.

    C.  Nothingman by Pearl Jam...I don't know how that would work for a funeral song but I think it would be good for me since it may be my favorite song.

  • A Science Experiment I'm Cooking Up

    A while back I talked dropped some knowledge on all of you and I think it went unnoticed by everyone except one and it blew her mind.  I proposed that a woman's natural lip color is the same color as her nipples.  I won't tell you the specifics of my study because I'm sure most of you are taken back by this bold theory.  So what I'm looking to do is collect photos of women's breasts and lips.  You can send me your photos at my email iwannaseeyourboobies2012@yahoo.com  This is for science, ladies!  Oh and I also got thinking that since women are sending photos of breasts around for breast cancer why aren't men being hit up to send photos of their junk since prostate cancer kills more men than breast cancer kills women?  Or maybe men would submit photos of the old brown eye.  Who knows?  I just feel that the ladies of Xanga should be jumping on that and jumping on me.  Speaking of jumping on me, is it normal to have nothing but Xanga sex dreams.  Gosh.  I bet all women are saying, "Please don't be me, please don't be me, please don't be me!"  Well I'll have you know it was you and you had the greatest 15 seconds of your life.  Seriously, ladies, if a guy is done in under a minute, you should take it as a compliment because that means you are a sex goddess.  I wonder how many people are going to try sending email to that address.

    Another night of Xanga sex dreams and postulating ridiculous scientific theories about nipples.

    OK, I'll stop believing after I call my insurance agent because of this car accident because I thought it was a "Don't Stop" sign.

    Best.  Prank.  EVER!

    You're American!  Eat the regular kind, sissy.  We didn't dump sissy drink in Boston Harbor and kick them limey bastards out of our country so you could eat reduced sodium microwavable crap.

    The perfect conservative candidate

    He needs a third tablet that says, "Acquire guns".

    Robert Johnson is the man

    Gandhi was such a badass

    50 Shades of Neigh or maybe NAY

    The Fonz would approve

    I am currently working on a petition for the Wisconsin legislature to make this our new state song.

    Yeah, most definitely have to be careful about what you wear on picture day.

    "You got syphilis on my herpes!"  "No, you got herpes on my syphilis!"
    Coming soon to KMart: The Sandra Lee Collection.

    Before the Hamburger Helper hand was helpful, he was a bored, unhelpful, lazy teenager.

    This is not the kiwi that Gotham deserves but the one it needs right now.

    I bet that kid is a racist

    I was going to but this on a leather cut and sell it at some comicon but I forgot that people who'd wear that would only want it on capes.

    Don Gorske is the man

    I'm an award winning human