September 24, 2012

  • A Science Experiment I'm Cooking Up

    A while back I talked dropped some knowledge on all of you and I think it went unnoticed by everyone except one and it blew her mind.  I proposed that a woman's natural lip color is the same color as her nipples.  I won't tell you the specifics of my study because I'm sure most of you are taken back by this bold theory.  So what I'm looking to do is collect photos of women's breasts and lips.  You can send me your photos at my email iwannaseeyourboobies2012@yahoo.com  This is for science, ladies!  Oh and I also got thinking that since women are sending photos of breasts around for breast cancer why aren't men being hit up to send photos of their junk since prostate cancer kills more men than breast cancer kills women?  Or maybe men would submit photos of the old brown eye.  Who knows?  I just feel that the ladies of Xanga should be jumping on that and jumping on me.  Speaking of jumping on me, is it normal to have nothing but Xanga sex dreams.  Gosh.  I bet all women are saying, "Please don't be me, please don't be me, please don't be me!"  Well I'll have you know it was you and you had the greatest 15 seconds of your life.  Seriously, ladies, if a guy is done in under a minute, you should take it as a compliment because that means you are a sex goddess.  I wonder how many people are going to try sending email to that address.

    Another night of Xanga sex dreams and postulating ridiculous scientific theories about nipples.

    OK, I'll stop believing after I call my insurance agent because of this car accident because I thought it was a "Don't Stop" sign.

    Best.  Prank.  EVER!

    You're American!  Eat the regular kind, sissy.  We didn't dump sissy drink in Boston Harbor and kick them limey bastards out of our country so you could eat reduced sodium microwavable crap.

    The perfect conservative candidate

    He needs a third tablet that says, "Acquire guns".

    Robert Johnson is the man

    Gandhi was such a badass

    50 Shades of Neigh or maybe NAY

    The Fonz would approve

    I am currently working on a petition for the Wisconsin legislature to make this our new state song.

    Yeah, most definitely have to be careful about what you wear on picture day.

    "You got syphilis on my herpes!"  "No, you got herpes on my syphilis!"
    Coming soon to KMart: The Sandra Lee Collection.

    Before the Hamburger Helper hand was helpful, he was a bored, unhelpful, lazy teenager.

    This is not the kiwi that Gotham deserves but the one it needs right now.

    I bet that kid is a racist

    I was going to but this on a leather cut and sell it at some comicon but I forgot that people who'd wear that would only want it on capes.

    Don Gorske is the man

    I'm an award winning human

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