November 5, 2012

  • Crappy Limericks probably NSFW

    I was supposed to post these yesterday but I was battling an allergic reaction to something and I felt ill so I didn't post.

    Every time I go to the john,
    As I unzip and pull out my wand,
    You always enter my mind
    And too quickly I find,
    I’m too hard to get anything done

    This morning I found with delight
    My cock had grown a foot overnight
    It hangs below my knees
    All the girls will be so pleased
    Though at first it may give them a fright

    There once was a library maven
    whose reading style bordered on craven--
    She'd read 50 Shades,
    disrobe page by page--
    And got kicked out for nude misbehavin'

    There once was a rightie called Akin
    Whose science was greatly mistaken.
    "If the rape is legitimate,
    her body'll get rid of it"
    Could ya get me the drugs that HE's takin'?

    Mitt Romney said 47 Percent.
    The liberals became quite content.
    While Romney back peddles--
    The President settles...
    And finds victory in Mitt's descent

    There’s a Korean pop song called Gangnam,
    Whose singer hoped that ladies would bang’im
    It’s annoying and long,
    A repetitive song,
    I wish they’d find the writer and hang ‘im.

    In Hollywood,there came a notion
    To make fan boys cause a commotion
    "Ninja Turtles?" They'd say,
    "Just get Michael Bay
    For two hours worth of explosions."

    Americans who don't pay tax
    say "Romney, just get off our backs"
    Your life's one big goof,
    like that dog on your roof,
    our disdain for you just hit the max.

    There once was a fellow named Mitt,
    AKA the whiter candidate
    Whose speech back in May
    Caused 47% of the Nation to say
    "If the Mitt doesn't fit he should quit!"

    There once was a heated election,
    And a grim Libyan insurrection,
    But they were ignored
    When the pedal was floored
    After Lohan's pedestrian deflection

    Democrat Barack Obama
    Says "Forward! I killed Osama!"
    "So what?" says Mitt Romney,
    "You wrecked the econ'my!"
    There's no escape from their drama.

    Honey Boo Boo, a redneck in tights
    is scoring huge ratings each night
    it's an omen portending
    that our culture is ending
    will the last to leave turn out the lights?

    The limericks are all anti-Romney,
    but Obama is just as funny.
    His golf game improved,
    while big business moved
    and job loss tanked the economy.

    I have slept on the sidewalk,trying to thrive.
    I need certain things just to survive.
    Part of Occupy,
    or homless guy?
    No, just buying the iPhone 5

    Mayor Bloomberg just caused a big stink
    'Bout the sugary super sized drink.
    If they can't have their Cokes
    They'll be happier blokes!
    Guess the populace needs him to think.

    His words and his poster said"Hope"
    (and I was at the end of my rope)
    So I gave him my vote
    Now I'm barely afloat
    But Id rather have him, than that dope

    Libertarians make me so sad
    Their philosophy borders on mad
    They think they're John Galt
    But they're much more like Walt
    The main character in Breaking Bad

    These Muslims have got me perplexed
    A bad movie gets them so vexed?
    It doesn't take much
    (cartoons and such)
    Could this limerick be next?

    All I want to do is write about celebrities
    Lucky for you I charge no fees
    I’m really not a bad egg
    So please don’t make me beg
    But on this post…COMMENT…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!


    Courtney Love was not impressed with her likeness at Madame Tussaud's
    These Swedish gymnasts demonstrate the move called The Clüstërfük
    I think this is a scene from the new Laverne and Shirley porno parody in which we see Laverne DiVaggio and Shirley Peeney put a different type of glove on the assembly line.
    ZOINKS!  That reminds me, I should do another porn parody post.
    TLC introduced a new show this weekend called "Say Neigh to the Hay"
    Oh that's awful, not even I would do that.
    50 Shades of Grey...the costume...I love it.
    I didn't get a lot of candy this year.  I don't think people liked my costume.
    That's exactly what Luther was writing about
    Amen
    The Amish would've been out building barns in Hurricane Sandy.
    That show is so awesome.

    Depending on everything, I may be back tonight with a homework assignment.

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