November 5, 2012
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Crappy Limericks probably NSFW
I was supposed to post these yesterday but I was battling an allergic reaction to something and I felt ill so I didn't post.
Every time I go to the john,
As I unzip and pull out my wand,
You always enter my mind
And too quickly I find,
I’m too hard to get anything doneThis morning I found with delight
My cock had grown a foot overnight
It hangs below my knees
All the girls will be so pleased
Though at first it may give them a frightThere once was a library maven
whose reading style bordered on craven--
She'd read 50 Shades,
disrobe page by page--
And got kicked out for nude misbehavin'There once was a rightie called Akin
Whose science was greatly mistaken.
"If the rape is legitimate,
her body'll get rid of it"
Could ya get me the drugs that HE's takin'?Mitt Romney said 47 Percent.
The liberals became quite content.
While Romney back peddles--
The President settles...
And finds victory in Mitt's descentThere’s a Korean pop song called Gangnam,
Whose singer hoped that ladies would bang’im
It’s annoying and long,
A repetitive song,
I wish they’d find the writer and hang ‘im.In Hollywood,there came a notion
To make fan boys cause a commotion
"Ninja Turtles?" They'd say,
"Just get Michael Bay
For two hours worth of explosions."
Americans who don't pay tax
say "Romney, just get off our backs"
Your life's one big goof,
like that dog on your roof,
our disdain for you just hit the max.There once was a fellow named Mitt,
AKA the whiter candidate
Whose speech back in May
Caused 47% of the Nation to say
"If the Mitt doesn't fit he should quit!"There once was a heated election,
And a grim Libyan insurrection,
But they were ignored
When the pedal was floored
After Lohan's pedestrian deflectionDemocrat Barack Obama
Says "Forward! I killed Osama!"
"So what?" says Mitt Romney,
"You wrecked the econ'my!"
There's no escape from their drama.Honey Boo Boo, a redneck in tights
is scoring huge ratings each night
it's an omen portending
that our culture is ending
will the last to leave turn out the lights?
The limericks are all anti-Romney,
but Obama is just as funny.
His golf game improved,
while big business moved
and job loss tanked the economy.I have slept on the sidewalk,trying to thrive.
I need certain things just to survive.
Part of Occupy,
or homless guy?
No, just buying the iPhone 5Mayor Bloomberg just caused a big stink
'Bout the sugary super sized drink.
If they can't have their Cokes
They'll be happier blokes!
Guess the populace needs him to think.His words and his poster said"Hope"
(and I was at the end of my rope)
So I gave him my vote
Now I'm barely afloat
But Id rather have him, than that dopeLibertarians make me so sad
Their philosophy borders on mad
They think they're John Galt
But they're much more like Walt
The main character in Breaking BadThese Muslims have got me perplexed
A bad movie gets them so vexed?
It doesn't take much
(cartoons and such)
Could this limerick be next?All I want to do is write about celebrities
Lucky for you I charge no fees
I’m really not a bad egg
So please don’t make me beg
But on this post…COMMENT…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
Courtney Love was not impressed with her likeness at Madame Tussaud's
These Swedish gymnasts demonstrate the move called The Clüstërfük
I think this is a scene from the new Laverne and Shirley porno parody in which we see Laverne DiVaggio and Shirley Peeney put a different type of glove on the assembly line.
ZOINKS! That reminds me, I should do another porn parody post.
TLC introduced a new show this weekend called "Say Neigh to the Hay"
Oh that's awful, not even I would do that.
50 Shades of Grey...the costume...I love it.
I didn't get a lot of candy this year. I don't think people liked my costume.
That's exactly what Luther was writing about
Amen
The Amish would've been out building barns in Hurricane Sandy.
That show is so awesome.Depending on everything, I may be back tonight with a homework assignment.
Comments (34)
These were good, thanks for the laugh!
I once heard a limerick about a young guy living on a small island off the coast of Connecticut that is known as a beautiful summer vacation spot. Are you familiar with it? This gifted young man was so well endowed he could perform autofellatio. And apparently he liked it! He harbored erotic ideas about his own ear.
Nice work.
Well done, sir.
THANK YOU for posting the "bondage of the will" one from Martin Bluther!
And your limericks are too awesome. I'd write a limerick in a response here, but I'm too lazy to think one up at the moment.
this was funny. dorky, but funny.
and that transformers costume....I don't know what to day about it.
haha good ones. i love the retirement home Halloween decoration.
There was a rich man from Detroit
Who thought himself very adroit
His poll numbers dropped
As he flipped and he flopped
And now he's not so hoity toit
There was a rich man from Utah
Who wanted to overturn law
He gave it a go
But the ladies said no
By Wednesday he'll be feeling blah
Great limericks.
What's the show that the last pic is from?
hilarious. you make good limericks.
now you got me going.
There once was a Gov'ner from Mass.
Whose speeches were awkward and crass
He changed his positions
More than weather conditions
And for that he was labeled an.....
There once were some nuns who were sad
But then they stood up and got mad
They hopped on a bus
To tell all of us
That Romney and Ryan are bad
okay i'll grab my hat
These made me laugh!
cool themed limericks
I'm so jealous of you that I may haiku
Lol.. I am trying to get dirty enough connotations
For some limerick innovations
But my mind is too clean
If you know what I mean
So I'll just use some innocent motivations.
LOL awesome limericks!
@xdeelynnx - thank you very much and I'm glad you enjoyed. Next time they probably won't be so funny but more NSFW
@we_deny_everything - you know I haven't heard anything about that guy, didn't he run for president back in the late 80s?
@theKisSilent - glad you liked
@Peridot21 - thank you so much, miss
@Marica0701 - yeah I'm not posting any limerick responses because I'm lazy and all my responses would be dirty.
@Erika_Steele - thank you so much, I'll have to post more of my less dorky ones and more of my sexy ones
I really wonder what that guy was thinking.
@TheSutraDude - those are so awesome, I'd write limerick replies but my brain isn't working right now and if it were they'd all be dirty.
@In_Reason_I_Trust - American Horror Story: Asylum on FX on Wednesday nights. It's sort of creepy but in a good way. That nun is supposedly demon-possessed and was trying to seduce the asylum doctor/Nazi scientist
@promisesunshine - thank you very much
@heythereJOANN - I'm glad you liked, next time I'm going to post more of the nsfw kid so maybe you'll run for the hills
@starmanjones - I need to do some of that too. I have word doc just filled with them
@Thatslifekid - hahaha...excellent...next time you'll probably need to bleach your brain
@EmilyandAtticus - thank you so much, glad you laughed
@godfatherofgreenbay - :) cool
lets see if I can concoct some up here tonight.. a lil pre-election hope.
brilliant
@bonmots - thank you so much, that means a lot coming from you
i wish i worked in a dildo factory....
@AncoraImparo - now now now, they probably wouldn't let you take home your work unless you worked in R&D
There was a young man from Nantucket
Who, lashed with high winds and significant flooding,
The island effectively cut off from the mainland,
Beach erosion, harbor closed, ferry service cancelled,
Said, fuck it.
Comments are closed.