January 3, 2013

• My Resolutions and Predictions for 2013

  I started doing this a few years back.  I never made New Year's resolutions before because I realized that I would eventually break them and that I should just save my breath and energy.  Lately as I have matured I think they are nice to make.  I also like to make predictions because I figure that I can do just as well as some of the major psychics.  Years back, I remember visiting my parents for the holidays and they were infatuated with this medium named Sylvia Brown.  The only thing that I found remarkable about her was her voice which had turned awful manly after years of smoking.  She also made appearances at the local casino to "talk with the dead".  Well on a year-end Montel Williams show special she made her predictions.  She said the Pope John Paul would die and would be succeed by a black man from Africa.  The funny thing was I think the pope lived another 5 years after her prediction failed to come true.  She also predicted that there would be a cure for diabetes and that John Travolta would die in a plane crash.  Man, I wish those would have come true.  Yes, I don't like John Travolta and had his plane crashed we would not have been subjected to Wild Hogs and Battlefield Earth.  Later on I found a website that said of all her predictions, that her best year she was accurate 10% of the time.  Well my gambling instinct took over and I figured that I could make predictions and be just as accurate.

  Let's begin by reviewing what I said about 2012.  My current thoughts are in parentheses.
  My Resolutions for 2012
  1.  1280 X 960 (Yeah, that was awesome)
  2.  I will be a better person (I didn't always think this one worked but two of the last three months I thought it was so much better)
  3.  Tell people how I feel (I struggled with this one)
  4.  Jump on the “let’s kill all dictators and terrorists” bandwagon. I plan on killing at least one dictator even if it’s just a mid-level oppressive despot.  (I was saddened that this one was one I didn't do)
  5.  I think I’ll lose some weight…by sawing off my conjoined twin (I lost a lot of water weight by being incredibly dehydrated and anemic)
  6.  I’m going to take up a new hobby.  Last year I did more fishing so this year I may take up fly fishing, ice fishing, knitting, or sexual mind-control. (I didn't get in a lot of fishing this summer but I did some ice fishing and I took up the hobby of wine making)
  7.  Fight off a gang of three attackers but they don’t necessarily have to attack all at once.  Like I could attack them all throughout the entire year at different times. (This may have happened but I can't say for sure because the authorities may be reading)
  8.  Tell everyone about a food item or movie that is really awesome but I secretly hate and then laugh at their angry emails and texts. (I sang the praises of Cloverfield)
  9.  Set something big on fire. (Bonfire count?)
  10.  Donate to the needy guy invading my home.  (No one invaded my house other than workers to fix my furnace)
  11.  Not judge a woman by how big her breasts are but just how she reacts when she catches me sniffing her hair. (Half of that was true)
  12.  I am going to be a better person in my mind.  (I think I said it before but I think I accomplished this but it may have been to my detriment)
  13.  I am going to do volunteer work (I do so much for my church)
  14.  I am going to brew my own beer, wine, or cider (I made a lot of grape wine and am currently in the process of bottling my own hard lemonade)
  15.  I am going to enjoy life (This one was off and on)

  My Predictions for 2012...my current thoughts in parentheses
  2012 Predictions
  1.  A major earthquake will hit somewhere within the U.S. and it will be so massive that new land from the ocean will be reclaimed and many people will consider this to be Atlantis. (Strike)
  2.  A murder investigation about Kurt Cobain will be opened (Swing and a miss)
  3.  Fidel Castro will die (He probably did but they hid it)
  4.  Kim Jong Un will be assassinated and this will set off a new war and it will lead to a united Korea. (Swing and a miss)
  5.  Due to droughts in the west and south, water will become scarce and there will be fights over water (I'm claiming this one because we had severe droughts)
  6.  A major breakthrough will be made in the Zodiac killings and the case may be solved (Zodiac is still out there)
  7.  There will be a showdown between the U.S. and China much like the Cuban Missile Crisis and we will enter a new Cold War and this will boost the American economy. (I wish the economy boosted)
  8.  O.J. Simpson will admit he killed his wife and Ron Goldman in exchange for release from prison. (O.J. is still in prison)
  9.  Joe Biden will not be Obama’s vice presidential candidate (Obama best be thankful this one didn't come true because if it wasn't for Crazy Uncle Joe winning the VP debate he would've never fired up Obama to do better in the last debates)
  10.  Penn State will have a horrible football season and they will consider disbanding the program and this will cause Joe Paterno to die. (Joe Paterno died and there was a brief discussion of disbanding...2)
  11.  President Obama will be re-elected due to a split in the Republican party.  Mitt Romney will win the nomination however the evangelical Christian portion of the GOP will not tolerate this due to Romney’s Mormon belief so they will run a third party candidate. (I'm claiming this one because Obama won and there was a poor Republican turnout in some states.)
  12.  The 2012 election results will be significantly delayed because it will be too close to call. (Not quite but Florida took forever to declare the results)
  13.  Romney will choose David Petraeus or some other former military man as his running mate. (Nope)
  14.  The Book of Mormon will become a widely read book. (I've actually asked about this and the libraries in my area can't keep it on their shelves)
  15.  Viruses will bring down every Apple device in the world. (Apple still sucks)
  16.  The world will not end in December of 2012 but people will go mad as the predicted day looms because of rising unemployment, lower wages,and lower standards of living. (I claim this one because the world didn't end and a lot of crazy shit took place)
  17.  Microsoft will be company of the year after they buy Nokia and introduce a new smartphone that will make the iPhone look like a Speak and Spell. (Sadly no)
  18.  Iran will continue to do crazy shit. (Of course this one came true)
  19.  Oil prices will drop significantly. (Well they have dropped quite a bit so yes)
  20.  Arab Spring will return and this one will be worse and of course the U.S.will become involved and it will lead to a Palestinian state. (This one is always on the verge of happening but no)
  21.  Iraq will become the U.S. of the Middle East when they intervene in Syria. (Nope)
  22.  Marijuana will be legalized (I didn't say nationwide so this one came true)
  23.  The European Union will fall apart and the U.S. will intervene (No and somewhere I'm sure people are upset that it didn't happen)
  24.  The economy will not improve. (Depends on who you're talking to...I'm claiming it)
  25.  People at FOX News will complain about NPR (Of course)
  26.  Oprah and Gayle will come out of the closet and announce they were married in Iowa (This one didn't come true but it should've because it may save Oprah's tv network)
  27.  Donald Trump will divorce his wife and Rosey O’Donnell will break up with her girlfriend so they can be together. (This didn't happen...thank god)
  28.  Xanga will finally drop chat and introduce games (Even though there are no games this one sort of scared me because I forgot I predicted it)
  29.  Xanga will offer more social sharing and become a clone of Pinterest, Tumblr, and Instagram (I'm glad this one didn't happen)
  30.  Xanga will see high numbers of posts leading up to the election and then the numbers will drop significantly after November (Bingo)
  31.  Because people want to legislate bullying and acceptance, Xanga will become a test ground for a new social emotional learning curriculum (I'm claiming it even though Xanga wasn't used so many places, my county for one, have started online patrolling for bullying and the first offense is like a $5 fine)
  32.  The U.S. Supreme Court will begin hearings on Prop 8. (They started looking at it)
  33.  Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin will become the first openly gay U.S. Senator. (Bingo)
  34.  Greece and Italy will be taken over by fascist leaders and they will implement big changes and the new scapegoats will be the Muslims but they’ll also blame the Jews. (Even though the Jews are the scapegoats for everything this didn't happen)
  35.  Despite spending a record amount of money in free agency,the Florida Miami Marlins won’t make the playoffs. (They were the worst in their league and basically dropped all their acquisitions including manager)
  36.  A celebrity will lose their life in a tragic way. (Whitney Houston?  Jenni Rivera?  Michael Clarke Duncan?  Bob Welch?  Robin Gibb?  Donna Summer?  MCA?  2 from the cast of Welcome Back Kotter?)
  37.  A major sports pro-athlete will come out of the closet and will lead to unrest in the sports world. (One of the stars of the U.S. soccer team came out right before the Olympics)
  38.  There will be numerous natural disasters and in most instances the Mayan calendar will be discussed (Well it somewhat is true because when stuff happened History Channel would bring out all their Mayan programming)
  39.  I will become disinterested in a human interest story. (I can't watch the news without becoming disinterested)
  40.  Contact will be made with another planet. (Does Mars count?  Yes?  OK)

  22 out of 40 so basically 50%...I beat Sylvia Browne.

  My Resolutions for 2013
  1.  I will be a better Xangan
  2.  I am going to make some drastic moves with the stock market
  3.  I am going to get credits in a movie, tv series, or in a book.
  4.  I am going to win the battle of the bulge and by bulge...wink wink nudge nudge
  5.  I am going to be able to tell someone I love them
  6.  I am going to resume regularly playing piano and guitar
  7.  I will use my foreign language knowledge for good.
  8.  I will be part of an inside joke.
  9.  I am going to be a better person in my mind.
  10.  I am going to do volunteer work
  11.  I am going to enjoy life
  12.  I will tell people how I feel and will try being more considerate
  13.  I’m going to take up a new hobby.
  14.  I will lose weight
  15.  I won't die.

  My Predictions for 2013
  1.  I will become apathetic to a major news/human interest story.
  2.  Iran will do crazy shit
  3.  Iran will start a war in April after a solar eclipse occurs
  4.  There will be martial law declared in America.
  5.  A former U.S. president will die.
  6.  There will be a breakthrough in the discovery of a treatment for AIDS.
  7.  A celebrity will lose their life in a tragic way.
  8.  A sports figure in a major sports league will come out of the closet.
  9.  A major and active professional athlete will commit suicide
  10.  Bees will be declared an endangered species.
  11.  Disney will buy the rights to license Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Cupid, and the Tooth Fairy.
  12.  We will be paying more for gas than this year and prices will likely hit $8 to $10
  13.  Puerto Rico...51st State
  14.  The U.S. auto industry will become the strongest it has ever been when GM unveils a muscle car that gets 100 mpg and costs under $10,000.
  15.  The movie Independence Day will come true however instead of battling aliens, America will battle terrorists with President Obama leading the charge.  Instead of fighting from a jet, he'll fight from a tank and will mow down terrorists with a machine gun.
  16.  Old Faithful will cease to be faithful and will erupt causing much of Yellowstone National Park to burn and be rendered void.
  17.  That Progressive Insurance girl, Flo, I am so attracted to her.  I will bang her in a booze-fueled wild rumpus of a weekend.
  18.  Relations with Cuba will be normalized and President Obama will have a photo session with Fidel Castro.
  19.  That Vatican will move back to France after a molestation scandal in Italy forces them to flee in the middle of the night or because of volcanic activity.
  20.  There will be numerous natural disasters.
  21.  A major news station will quit broadcasting to focus primarily on bringing news to mobile devices
  22.  Bill Murray will win an Oscar because he's Bill Fucking Murray
  23.  Google will do something that grossly violates privacy yet no one will care
  24.  A law banning guns will be passed but people immediately rebel and stock up on weapons thus causing the law to be repealed for fear of massive rebellion.  They will try to pass the law over and over because each time it boosts the economy.
  25.  The NRA will continue to be hounded.
  26.  A sliding glass door will kill someone so people will clamor for sliding glass door control
  27.  A NASCAR driver will win a race while drunk causing people to call for a repeal of all DWI laws.
  28.  A celebrity sextape you don't want to see will be released.
  29.  Lindsay Lohan will die.
  30.  Pope Benedict will absolve Lindsay of all her sins and make her the patron saint of lost causes.
  31.  Medical breakthroughs will see a cure for hangnails and ingrown toenails.
  32.  There will be a massive AMTRAK derailment and people will call for AMTRAK to end.
  33.  The Fiscal Cliff will keep coming back every two months because Congress won't do anything and compromise will be considered a dirty word.
  34.  A comet will pass earth and will be very visible and will cause mass hysteria.
  35.  The NHL will fold permanently as labor talks break down.  A new league will spring up in its place.
  36.  The Grand Canyon will collapse.
  37.  Syria's president will try to use chemical weapons on his people but a miraculous being will intervene.
  38.  The Caribbean will be hit hard by hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunami.
  39.  The earth has begun shifting on December 21st and over the course of the year the poles will reverse and we will see rings form around our planet much like Saturn.
  40.  More misdeeds will be revealed about the banking industry and people will be dis-empowered to do anything about it.
  41.  Xanga will continue to kick ass.
  42.  I will get married.

  So those are my predictions.  I know they might be vague but look at Nostradamus.  He was vague as hell and people consider him to be the best.  I saw a guy last night explain how the name Mabus could have been Nostradamus predicting Osama, Sadam, W. Bush, and Obama.   I also predicted in 2009 that Osama Bin Laden would be captured and killed.  SO IN YOUR FACE!

  
  Scumbags, the lot of them
  
  I like Fiscal Norm better
  
  I remember making guns with pens in grade school.
  
  How will this work with #42?  Stay tuned.
  
  Best use of call sign letters ever
  
  SWEET!  All my shoes are Nikes.
  
  This needs to be real.
  
  You know you live in a bad neighborhood when Santa is stripped of everything including his beard.
  
  This is what happens when you mix delusion, despair, and Etsy.
  
  Vikings fans at Lambeau...be prepared.
  
  The Jerk Store called, they want their dress back.  @Peridot21 isn't that a perfect dress?
  
  Don't you hate it when that happens?
  
  Such a devout fan to go and handicap themselves just to get those plates.
  
  Revenge is a dish best served cold and covered in parsley.
  
  Have a great year

  • 1:41 PM
  • 23 Comments