January 10, 2013
-
Power Rankings 1/9
And we're back to the rankings and points system that mean absolutely nothing unless you want them to mean something.
25. The Baseball Hall of Fame 75pts
The sports writers didn't elect anyone to the hall of fame today. I somewhat agree with that stance because of all the clouds surround the players that were up for induction. I think Pete Rose will make the Hall before Barry Bonds. I just hope they finally elect Jack Morris.24. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 80pts
It's currently on my TV. I love this show. Rock Flag Eagle! Did you know they are launching a beer?
23. Working Body Parts 100pts
I always took fully functioning knees for granted. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to be better to my limbs.22. Starship and Foghat 103pts
they are playing at the nearby casino the weekend of my birthday. I'm totally going to go mosh with people in their 50s but only if my knees allow me the pleasure21. Gifs 112pts
Without them how would Tumblr exist?20. Porno Parodies 169pts
Pulp Friction...Lord of the G-Strings...Bi-Tanic...Breast Side Story...Buffy the Vampire Layer...Clockwork Orgy...Edward Penishands...Jurassic Pork...The Poonies...The Penetrator...these are all real titles. I should really do another porno parodies post for your enjoyment.
19. Masturbating 222pts
It's really confusing.
18. Dan Patrick 225pts
I really love listening to his show. It's just so awesome and so much better than anything ESPN offers.17. Django Unchained/Quentin Tarantino 237pts
I haven't seen this movie but with all I've seen of it on Tumblr I'm fairly certain I've seen everything. I might go see it this weekend. I'm fairly anxious to view it just because Tarantino is a master of dialogue. I'm in the theater watching Death Proof and my jaw is hanging open because here's a movie about a guy that kills women with his car and it has some of the best dialogue in any movie I had seen that year. Now I'm imagining that dialogue coupled with Leonardo DiCaprio...yeah I hope it's good.16. Phish 250pts
You don't have to be a stoner to enjoy their music...but it helps.
15. Posture 275pts
I remember how my teachers always warned us to sit straight up in our desks otherwise we'd be slumped over as adults. I ran into one of my classmates whom the teachers always nagged about sitting up straight. She's all slumped over these days. My gawd...my teachers were telling the truth.14. Teachers' Lies 276pts
I attended a Lutheran grade school and part of the curriculum was Bible history. I don't know how many times from kindergarten through 8th grade I heard the story of Phillip preaching to the Ethiopian eunuch. Every single time someone asked, "what is a eunuch" and every single time a teacher said, "a high ranking government official". If having your junk cut off is what it takes to make it in government then I'll be happy being a nobody. This may explain things in D.C. though.13. Magnets 295pts
How the fuck do they work?12. Money 750pts
I like money too. We should totally hang out. The first person to give the answer to this reference will make next week's power rankings.11. American Horror Story: Asylum 969pts
Amirite? That show is amazing. I won't give away any spoilers here because I know some of you may watch it but haven't seen recent episodes. But the last episode, the creator Ryan Murphy, sent a Tweet about there being a clue as to what the next season would be. My guess is a circus, a funeral home, or a darker version of Glee. Pepper Pepper bo-bepper, Banana-nana-fo-fepper, Fee-fi-mo-mepper, PEPPER!
10. The Number 9 999pts
Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 9 Number 99. Assault Rifles 1250pts
I was thinking of buying one but the price tags are a little out of my range. I mean I don't think I want to shell out $1400 for a gun. It's amazing how people are buying into the paranoia of banning the weapons. I was told that recently a large sporting good store featured some sort of sale and there were people lined up for a mile just for the chance to order a gun.8. Milk Duds 1300pts
Two of the best things in candy...chocolate and caramel...in one candy, a candy that when eaten outside in a Wisconsin winter will shatter your teeth.7. The lead singer of Smashmouth, Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse, and Guy Fieri 1500pts
Have you ever seen them together in one place? No. It's because they are the same person.
6. Cats 1685pts
I don't know where mine are right now and that is scaring me because I'm afraid that once I leave this room they are going to attack me.5. Alex Jones 1776pts
The dude is insane. Sometimes I don't think he could tell rat shit from Rice Krispies. He believes that the government is flying planes over us and spraying us with chemicals to keep us in line. He feeds on paranoia. Oh and is it any surprise that he and Charlie Sheen are good friends?4. The Green Bay Packers 6000pts
They are America's team. They are the best team to ever take the football field. You can't argue these facts and if you try well I won't respond because you're obviously a lummox.
3. Xanga 6502pts
Thanks for getting rid of chat. Thank you so much. Now if you could just bring back the ability to leave blank comments and still get eprops.2. Cunnilingus 6969pts
Come on, it's the closet thing to heaven on earth...worshiping at the altar of Venus...spreading the Gospel of St. Likalotapus. Yeah, I'm a freakshow.1. Xanga Erotica Contest 1,000,000pts
Do you have a hankering to write some naughty stuff? You have one month to submit so get to writing. Oh and here are the contest details. Check out that awesome judge.
These aren't my glasses
I'd watch a musical if it involved chips.
I don't know which is funnier, the bear or the box. Either way, I know what some lucky lady is getting for Valentine's Day.
I doubt there is a photo that is more iconic than this. The King of Rock and Roll and the most corrupt president in American history...both had their birthdays this week.
Once TLC is done with her, MTV 2 plans on airing episodes of Honey Boo Boo Pimp My Ride
Zero Dark Smurfy
Without gifs and Tumblr how else would I have discovered this gem and then spend the next 10 minutes laughing my head off?
Crazy Uncle Joe...your hand is getting a little high there. Is it me or does that cop look like W.C. Fields? Am I expecting too much that Xanga might know W.C. Fields?
Have a great time period. I'm watching to make sure you leave eprops.
Comments (41)
Love love love #4.
"Idoicracy" for the win!
Um... http://youtu.be/SiMHTK15Pik...?
I've heard of of WC Fields if it makes you feel any better about having one old codger fan of yours.
Fritoooooooo Peeeendeejooooooo!!!1 (collects 750 points and all the moneh!)
I think I gotta get a shit bitch bear box! Tried sayin shit bitch bear box out loud, and it is thee worst tongue twister ever. I'm gonna work on that today.
"Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you glad to see me?"
Lays Miserables.... HAHAHAHAHAHA
#7 omg thanks for finally clearing that up for me... i have been so confused about that! at the very least, they're triplets!
#11 wowwww, was that a bizarre episode last night or what? you seriously have to pay close attention to keep up with it all... but that's ok!
#25 saw something about that on the news yesterday... they're calling it "the steroid era"? making it sound like it's ok or something... idk, it's just a shame...
Those chips!
Usually, the only thing that comes out of gun control talk is increased gun sales.
Checking Amazon.com....must have the bear! Watched 1st season of AHS...been too busy on Xanga to watch this season. Am planning on a marathon where I can spook myself silly once season is over!
I still haven't seen American Horror Story. I didn't know it was out. But I'll be scared to watch.
lays miserables hahaha I'm sending that one to my brother
This was an unusual read for me. I actually saw a gentleman looking under a ladies dress. Did she get angry?
I cannot write erotica. I am not allowed to talk and write dirty.
Very interesting list!!!
Hope you are having a good week,
frank
Idk about WC Fields but that cop in the background kinda looks like Steve Carell
Joe Biden always freaks me out.
And I would make sweet sweet love to the man who gets me that awesome teddy bear.
#14 was too funny. We always snickered too whenever we heard a story about eunuchs.
AHHHHH I really want to see Django Unchained too, for the three male leads. But mostly for Leonardo DiCaprio. Mmmmmmmmm, but too bad that I'm not a supermodel
I'm not sure how I would react if I got that bear. On the one hand, it's odd, but on the other hand yay valentines present cause I dunno that I ever got one before.
I don't spend any time on tumblr really but there is a good blog there called fashion it so that talks about the clothes on Star Trek The Next Generation. They once did a review - mostly PG - of a porn parody. I forget the title. It was amusing and some of the porn actors were similar looking to the real actors and some were way different. I didn't watch it so I'm sure I missed the realistic future sex. Oh well.
W.C. Fields was from PA, no?
@rachelbachel32 - an exgirlfriend married a Baptist minister who does a motorcycle ministry saw that on my facebook and she asked if I wanted it made into a leather cut. I have to get back to her on that because I think I'd need a bike first.
@Aloysius_son - alright you will be in next week's rankings
@Lakakalo - hahaha...I love that
@sleekpunk - YES! I don't think you're old but then the way my body feels lately I'm feeling like Methuselah. I love when TCM has Fields movie marathons. I keep forgetting to order a box set of his movies. They are a laugh a minute. I love all the names he uses in the films...who could ever forget the drunk Egbert Sousé.
Also Shemp was in The Bank Dick and one of my favorite lines in movies. Shemp is playing a bartender and W.C. Fields as Egbert Sousé comes in and asks if he spent a $20 bill in the bar the previous night. Shemp said that he did and W.C. Fields replies: "Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind... I thought I'd lost it!"
@spinner_mom - Alright you will be in next week's rankings as well.
That is the gift that keeps on giving.
@dingus6 - Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
@Thatslifekid - I think I'd like a bag
@Peridot21 - isn't insane how close those three resemble each other but I suppose it's the spikey hair
I honestly don't know what is going on with that show any more especially not after the last episode and there are two episodes remaining.
Yeah they like to give all these time periods of baseball nicknames. Like I've heard of the Dead Ball Era which started around 1900 and ended in 1919 when Babe Ruth hit a then league record 29 home runs. Then after that came the Live Ball Era and I think that went from 1920 until they are saying that steroids took over in 1990.
@nov_way - they look quite tasty
@whyzat - yeah I went to a sporting goods store yesterday. They sell assault rifles and all sorts of other guns. I asked the clerk about their stock and he said they usually have about 100 assault rifles in stock but they were down to three.
@crankycaregiver - I think the second season has been much better than the first but then I hated a character on the first season. That girl Violet...oh she was just this whiny spoiled brat.
@angys_coco - this second season is so much better than the first
@isitreal_no - glad you enjoyed that and I hope he does too
@ANVRSADDAY - I hope you had a great week as well. How is the single life going?
@carolinavenger - whoa...he does...that's crazy, I suppose Crazy Uncle Joe needs to surround himself with crazy things so he can maintain the craziness. He's such a great person for The Onion.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Single life is fine---Norma left me plenty of food. lol I am going to Starbucks daily at several locations. Even met the Holocaust victims again with some of their friends.
@Marica0701 - Joe Biden is perfect for The Onion.
Hmmm I must find this teddy bear.
I felt so weird when I found out my teachers lied to me all those times we had that story. I've always felt there is one thing you should never do when teaching the Bible and that's lie.
I still didn't see it because the theater near my house stopped showing it so they could show some animated crap.
@leaflesstree - I can't even remember the last valentine's present I got so a bear would be quite awesome
I found quite a few Star Trek porn parodies. I need to start doing those posts again. I still get hits from posts I did years ago.
@npr32486 - yeah I had to look it up, Derby
@ANVRSADDAY - I think the last time I went to a starbucks was when I was seeing a girl who was a barista and she tried to get me to drink coffee instead of beer. Coffee made me so excited and my heart would race a mile a minute.
Holocaust survivors...I always have such a difficult time talking with survivors because I had family on both sides of the fence in concentration camps in Germany.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Harold won't talk about anything much other than the Holocaust. It is a passion for him. He and his wife have been very nice to me and my wife.
frank
@ANVRSADDAY - that's nice, I went to a presentation given by a Holocaust survivor and the things he discussed just shocked me as to how vile human beings can be.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I was 8 years old when WW2 started and about 13 when it ended. I remember seeing photos of those death camps and naked bodies just piled on top of one another. The cruelty of man is hard to fathom.
frank
Comments are closed.