January 14, 2013
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NSFW Limericks and Haikus
I'm going to share some of these if you don't mind but be warned, for the most part they are of an adult nature. Also the haikus make no sense for the most part or are copied comments I gave people that happened to be haikus.
I refuse to have turkey or stuffing.
I will boycott this meal; I’m not bluffing.
For my Thanksgiving treat,
There’s just one thing I’ll eat:
I will savor your sweet muffin.Those words mean a lot
Coming from a poetic
genius like youI only just try
Suppose I could do better
What would be the pointBaby offered her beautiful bum,
Yelped with joy when I stuck in my thumb.
My big dick deep inside her,
Ecstasy I’d provide her
So intense she cannot help but come.Don't get minesweeper
Click and click and click some more
Photo makes me laughI should establish
From where I can sit and write
Haikus all day longChristina’s date was a banker named Paul.
When they fuck, he can’t last long at all.
One time he started to pulled out,
And so she started to shout,
Christina penalized him for early withdrawal.Smiley Face Killer
Steals the smiles of young men
All over the stateEvery day it gets
So much harder to write them
Sex is on my mindWish I was with you now - right this minute.
An excuse to leave work: how to spin it?
My objective of this is,
To give your pussy wet kisses.
Then to slide my ecstatic cock in it.Xanga is better
Even with drama, no one
is that moronicSitting down to eat
This is why I need a wife
Cunnilingus...YES!This guy loved hisgirlfriend, named Helen.
He spoke fondly as his dick was swellin’.
But Jenny knelt at his feet…
Found his penis quite sweet.
Turns out Helen’s a ripe watermelon!Brats, beer, and some cheese
Make me so happy and so
Sleepy...nap nap napSupple bouncy breasts
Female jumping jack contest
Godfather sponsoredI took my girlfriend to see Valparaiso.
For the trip she had just one proviso:
Every day we’re in Chile,
She got to play with my willie.
Being with her makes my spirits rise so.Trust me on that one
I walked in on so many
Masturbating guysOatmeal for breakfast
Chili and grilled cheese for lunch
No sense is made hereEvery time that my zipper unzips,
I can’t help but think of your luscious and lustful lips
Then I can’t zip it closed
My dick is hard and exposed
Which causes multiple rude men’s room quipsHitler and Stalin
Could've been quite the tag team
SchizophreniaThank you very much
Comment earns you a haiku
It's now your haikuYou sat on my face by the fire
Licking you is my favorite desire
As my tongue probes inside
First you gasped and then you cried
Your joy sounds like an angel choirThanks very much, sir
I don't make much sense at all
Rustle my jimmiesI rock your world, eh?
Shouldn't we get married first?
The Sixth Commandment
It kicked ass.
Best restaurant ever!
Wow, that is one big girl to be using the Eiffel Tower as her love aid.
After he was fired by Santa, Biltzen did a lot of interesting things to make money.
Oh Bill, you so crazy!
Most brides throw out the bouquet when they get married. Guess what Kim Kardashian made Kris Humphries throw out when they got married.
I wonder why no one proofreads any more.
You know it's time to shave when the bush sits up, smiles, and waves at the camera.
I'm trying to figure out which is a girl's best friend.
I have no comment.
I am so tired lately. I'm totally dragging ass.
Comments (45)
Who actually likes Spam?
life isn't toilet paper!
lol this was funny
especially the diamond ring...haha!!!
There once was a boy named G.
Who wanted to know the word C.
I told him it’s best
to not fail the test
and leave the cunning linguist to me.
i was temporarily blinded by that tacky diamond.
nothing like some smutty haiku and limericks to start a work week appropriately. thank you.
If those haikus and limericks don't take the panties off of ladies then I don't know what would.
These were awesome.
Eat more spinach and
Red meat right this minute Bro
Anemia's bad.
I still like to think that muffins are reserved for salty ingredients while cupcakes are for sweet.
Pretty good at haikus, that's for sure!
There was a young man
from Nantucket who shagged goats,
that's the whole haiku.
These were pretty funny. That couple is creepy. Bo Buffet!
I was thinking somewhat recently that you hadn't written haikus lately. This post has solved that problem.
What Thatslifekid said, and I hope you slept.
Hot neighbor and I were a-screwin
His was as big as a Bruin
He shoved it all in
His cock hit my chin
And left my poor pussy in ruin.
Egad, that cough syrup. I wonder what the "other ingredients" are? Dare I even ask?
Amazing
@Rob_of_the_Sky -
Republicans do
Spam is extremely nasty
It even sounds gross
@starmanjones -
life's toilet paper
It keeps us from shitty things
And sticky butt cheeks
@under_the_carpet -
Diamond rings are good
But are they really the best
Can't have sex with rings
@Kellsbella -
Eating candy was a past time of Peter’s,
Didn’t matter his sweetie was sweeter.
So she’d bide her time,
Making up funny rhymes,
‘Till he got to the taffy beneath her
@crankycaregiver -
It's devastating
Won't get up in the morning
and won't get it up
@promisesunshine -
I'm glad you enjoy
Tacky diamonds bring the love
more like "bring the sex"
@Marica0701 -
Poetry is fine
Need more than a way with words
Money shooting dick
@Thatslifekid -
eat eat eat and eat
Nothing seems to work for me
May be a lost cause
@nov_way -
I had a muffin
Twas pineapple and mango
It was very good
@we_deny_everything -
Nantucket's swinging
It's a happening place
They all have big balls
@TiRocKiinPiinK -
glad you enjoyed
Funny is what I aim for
Mission accomplished
@leaflesstree -
If there's a problem
Yo! I just solved said problem
Quote Vanilla Ice
@sleekpunk -
Yesterday I slept
No work meant I could get some
I slept until noon
@SasGal -
Lately I’ve been a miserable grouch.
Feeling low: when I’m standing I slouch.
What I need is a dose
Of the girl I love most.
Please, can we neck on the couch?
@carolinavenger -
Nicotine, Valium,
Vicodin, Marijuana
Ecstasy and booze
Only the best haiku ever! Thank you for the smile.
@boyhnc -
Thank you very much
Haikus are very easy
All you do is add
@nov_way -
Wasn't as good as
the red velvet muffin with
huge chocolate chips
I can believe that. Now I want to go to a bakeryshop.
I can give you one of their facebooks if you want to ask about the one night syrup 'cos I couldn't tell you.
there once was a woman named jo
whose skirt was tied with a bow
until a sailor one day
unfurled his mast on the bay
and left her skirt on the sail to blow
@SasGal - Very clever.
Hehe...thanks for the laugh mate. Cheers
@godfatherofgreenbay - you could try and wear it as a penis ring
@nov_way -
I bought these muffins
At a nearby gas station
they sell more than gas
@Erika_Steele -
I don't want to know
I would just get addicted
I'm easy like that
@Cares2theWind@datingish -
My new friend has a talented throat.
Want a blowjob? This girl gets my vote.
She takes me so much deeper
I think I’ll have to keep her.
In my castle, kept safe by a moat.
@Teh_Redfoe -
I'm glad you enjoyed
Thank you much for subscribing
Hope you like it here
@under_the_carpet -
I need a cock ring
Weird way to start a haiku
Hope they match my shoes
Or an Arab strap
They appear to be scary
Rubber band instead
Comments are closed.