May 2, 2013
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Racehorse Names
The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday. I really haven't paid attention or looked at which horse is currently the favorite this year but I'm thinking of possibly going to the OTB at the local casino. I might not enjoy the race but I'll enjoy the ladies dressed up in the ridiculous hats and I'll also love all the mint juleps. I lived on a horse farm for two years during high school and thought there was nothing special about those creatures. They just chewed grass and straw all day long but over the years I've come to appreciate horse racing. There is just something special about watching the ponies run. Hell, I can enjoy myself watching horse races without the mint juleps or gambling and for a while I had to at Canterbury.
One thing that has always amazed me about horse racing are the names of the horses. The owners like to get very creative with the names. There is quite a lengthy list of rules that The Jockey's Club has established. For instance horse names cannot be more than 18 characters long and they can't be named after living people unless permission is granted. Another rule is that the names can't be vulgar or obscene. I guess some owners didn't get that memo. Here is a list of some of my favorite horse names:
Bodacious Ta Ta's (that philly had a peculiar strut)
Date More Minors (Can horses be pedophiles?)
OHBEEGEEWHYEN (Must have had a practice when she wasn't racing)
Wrecked Em (Has a proctology practice in the same building as OHBEEGEEWHYEN)
Anita Cocktail (not to be confused with Anita Dick)
Hardawn (I don't think that is possible when watching races)
Golden Showers (From the 1940s so I am sure they didn't have such deviant acts back then)
Girls On Top (the best way to ride)
Ménage Á Trois (The horse, the jockey, and the whip...kinky)
Rhythm Method (Sadly this horse didn't always perform the way it was intended to)
Black Servant (A horse from the simpler yet incredibly racist times of the 20s.)
The Cock (He placed 6th at the 1916 Derby probably because he had that something extra weighing him down)
The Winner (Too bad he finished in last place)
Our Dad (Apparently bestiality is alive and well in the horse racing community)
Spineless Jellyfish (didn't make it out of the gates because it was scared)
No Stinking Badges (We don't need No Stinking Badges to show)
Acid Reflux (I hear they get her to run extra fast after they feed her Mexican food)
Sexy Librarian (Who hasn't had that fantasy...WITH A HUMAN...WITH A HUMAN!)
No Fat Chicks (But of course, it would slow her down)
Sheikh'nnotstirred (Who knew James Bond was into horse racing)
Sotally Tober (Why occiffer of course there's blood in my alcohol stream)
Cunning Stunt (Whoever chose this name was a cunning linguist like myself...I hope you get that one, ladies
)
Senior Discount (The sad thing about this horse is that it never finished a race because it always had to be at Denny's before 5PM to get the early bird special)
Hoof Hearted (I'll let the video explain it and if you don't get it, say the name really fast)
Cum Rocket (No comment is necessary)
Well I looked it up, Orb is the favorite this year at 7:2.
Comments (24)
GoldenCents
Da Cali Horse.
Take it to da bank.
Ha! What great names!
I'd bet on The Cock every time!
See, I think you were SO lucky to live on a horse farm! I love horses! I think they are THE most beautiful of all the animals! Those eyes just melt my heart! Even after having a job working at some stables...watering and feeding the horses and cleaning up their piles of poop...I still love horses!
HUGS!!!
"The Winner (Too bad he finished in last place)"
So I shouldn't ever bet on a horse named "She's the Fastest"?
tomorrow's present? nine months to go, shotgun wedding,.... stroker ace. crymea river. this is fun stuff
I choose Rhythm Method.
hoof hearted. i love that. horse names are hilarious.
What if we started naming our kids the way we name horses? Now THAT would be interesting! lol
I like watching horse races just to hear them saying the horse's names.
I like OHBEEGEEWHYEN
horse name: your mom
"and your mom wins!" though they probably wouldn't accept it.
I know nothing about them really, but I love going to the races. its a nice relaxing day out
I just pick randomly, whatever names I like. I could imagine the commentary for a race with all the horses you named above... it would read like the script to a bad porno lol
I love race horse names. AS soon as you hear the name you know it is a race horse. My insurance agency insured a race track and I had to inspect it few time as to claim potential. It sure was an interesting place.
Haha. Funny names. My top 10 list of horse names:
10. Can't Make Me Drink
9. Take That Carrot And Shove It
8. I'd Rather Be Grazing
7. Dressage Sucks
6. Harness *This*
5. Only Here For The Derby, Didn't Vote For Rand Paul
4. This Jockey's Elevator Doesn't Stop At All The Floors
3. Should Have Taken The Blue Pill
2. First Derby Horse To Come Out
1. Go Giants!
Those racehorses are certainly beautiful. There was a show on PBS last night about the Lippizanner (sp?) stallions which was interesting, they are also stunning and talented animals.
I love to watch the ponies run too...I'm placing my bets on Falling Sky cause his parents are sea creatures 50-1 ( I looked it up also ) and I have an awesome hat to wear but I'm going to drink margarita's cause I don't like mint!
@whyzat - I watched that too - amazing!
@Super_Rob_of_the_Sky and I once won on a horse at Penn National named VandelayIndustries. Then when I went back to the track next month with my parents the same horse was running again- and won again! Should have bet more money the second time. I hope they name the next horse Latex Salesman.
Have you ever listened to the things they name purebred dogs? Conclusion: People with animals are crazy. Present company included.
I always wanted to learn to ride a horse. A friend of mine in high school took horseback riding lessons, but I didn't even bother to ask my mother because I knew she'd say it was too expensive and I was only doing it for peer pressure.
"The ladies dressed up in the ridiculous hats" look extra nice if that is all they wear.
The greatest racehorse in the whole wide world? 'Black Caviar'.
And let's take time to take a bite out of the apple of reality. Take away the betting, and all you are left with is a bunch of midgets flogging horses.
Sexy Librarian (Who hasn't had that fantasy...WITH A HUMAN...WITH A HUMAN!)
LOL!!
I'm liking Finger Prince myself. Blue Waffle runs consistently too.
I am dubious, sir. Dubious!
@tendollar4ways - I think it didn't perform that well because it figured Rick Pitino had won enough this year.
@adamswomanback - I don't think they were majestic when they were trying to bite me or when I had to go out in the dead of winter to feed them and make sure their water trough had not frozen over. There was the one time I was throwing hay over the electric fence and I was standing on ice and slipped and landed with my chest across the electric fence and got quite a shock. It put my heart out of rhythm for a while.
@Super_Rob_of_the_Sky - never, but you can never go wrong with Santa's Little Helper if you are a mall Santa.
@starmanjones - in 9 months I think I'll be out of the country
@Thatslifekid - hopefully it works better for you than for others
@promisesunshine - I remember the first time I saw that on ESPN. The announcers were in tears.
@Celestial_Rose2002 - I think some people have done that especially when sitting in a classroom trying to take attendance and I can't differentiate between surnames and given names.
@Erika_Steele - one of my favorite gameshows is called Bunk (OK so it's not really a gameshow as it is just a bunch of comedians standing around being fun in the premise of a gameshow). There was a segment where the contestants had to name racehorses and a guy from Reno 911 named one and he did an old time horse race announcer calling it. That was so funny.
@angys_coco - that is a good one, I wonder what the owner did for a living
@Royal_Ranger - I'd love to hear how announcers would say that
@jersey_jenn - yeah it is a relaxing day but I don't get how people can make a living out of picking horses. Speaking of bad pornos...made me think of the Teen Mom whose porno was released today.
@HUMOR_ME_NOW - that would've been fun to inspect and spend a day at the park watching horses.
@TheSutraDude - I think the media would love #2
@whyzat - I didn't see that special but they put on shows in these parts quite a bit and they always draw a crowd. The people I lived with on the horse farm went every year.
@mlbncsga - I always bet on the favorite and this year I would've won if I went.
@carolinavenger - my god...I would've bet on those horses.
@leaflesstree - I had a student that did horse riding lessons. I felt bad for her because her mom forced her to do so much. She was in school band, two church choirs, volleyball, cheerleading, a girl scouts like church group, and the horse riding. I don't think she had time to be a kid. I still remember sitting in the OTB when I had to drive my dad to the casino to file a medical leave when he busted his wrist. There were people screaming at the TV screams and they were screaming the dogs' names. It was so creepy.
@bundyinspeedos - wow, I never thought of that about it being just little people beating horses. Sort of sounds like Amish farms.
@ZombieMom_Speaks - I may have to look up this Blue Waffle.
@distractedbyzombies - INCREDULOUS!
@godfatherofgreenbay - Wow! That is scary! I can see why you feel the way you do! HUGS!
@godfatherofgreenbay - Okay, just don't touch it. Or get your face too close to it. Just sayin'.
lol
@godfatherofgreenbay - NOTORIOUS!
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