May 17, 2013

• I am looking for sechzehn

  Sorry I haven't been around and won't be around tomorrow.  Yesterday was a rollercoaster of a day.  I thought I was feeling pretty good and was set to take the world by the horns or whatever the hell the slang is but I had some health setbacks that will be getting examined tomorrow at a hospital.  It's of a serious nature and gross nature so I won't gross you out but I'll just say it involves blood coming out of multiple places where blood shouldn't come out.  I spent most of my day in bed watching netflix.  I am watching Dinosaurs.  I remember watching it when I was a kid and how I just repeated catch-phrases and whatever the hell the baby said.  Now I watch it and see that there were some good lessons in the show. 

  Well here's the meat and potatoes of this post.  I was tagged by @wyckdstorm to share 16 facts about myself.  I bet a few of you know this stuff about me.  If you do just play along.

  1.  When I was in high school I could slamdunk.  I think it had something to do with the muscles I developed from all my weightlifting.  I could squat 700lbs and leg curl 300lbs.  I think that helps with the legs but by the time I was in college I could no longer dunk.

  2.  I went to Lutheran school from preschool through college.  I went to two high schools.  One was a boarding school but it closed after my freshman year because my church body couldn't afford it as well as multiple other boarding high schools and two colleges.  The state of Wisconsin bought the campus and it's now a prison.  That school was once a Catholic school where young men trained to be priests.  The guy who played Norm on Cheers went there for one year.  Also one night in the dorm we blocked the doors when the floor supervisor left and we turned the floor into a giant slip and slide.  The dorm supervisors and dean of students called the cops who came and busted down the barricades to get us out and in bed because this was about 11:30 and our bed time was 10:30.  At my second high school I lived my sophomore year right behind the school(we're talking less than ten yards commute).  The guy who lived in the house was the school principal and he housed students who had a long distance to travel.  Anyway he died in a car accident about a week before school was supposed to begin.  Well they let his wife stay in the house for the rest of the school year.  I lived with 2 other guys and the principal's wife.  One night we found the principal's keys for the school so we borrowed them and went streaking through the school.  My English teacher saw me.  She asked me the next morning in class if I was having fun.

  3.  Some of my nicknames throughout the course of my career have been Tiny (because I'm big and tall in some departments and tiny in others), Tank (During football I loved being able to run right through the line sort of like a tank goes through a wall), and Wurm (I think this came to me from the movie Friday and a guy just started calling me that and it caught on)

  4.  During school I played football, baseball and wrestled.  I think the most memorable experience was my senior year playing in the state championship football game.  We played a team whose mascot was "the ledgers".  I thought they were a bunch of battling Catholic accountants but it turned out their school was on the ledge of a bluff.  The game sucked because I tore up my knee and we lost 55-14.

  5.  Throughout my life I've coached volleyball, football, weightlifting, track, softball, baseball, and cross-country.

  6.  I once had coffee and donuts with Brett Favre.  He bought a farmette from a doctor in my area and was using as a place to relax and hunt.  One morning during the summer I had to go work an 18 hour shift in the Dells.  I stopped at the convenience store by my house before I hit the road.  Favre was in there eating donuts and drinking coffee and signing stuff and telling everyone that we'd (Packers...I can say "we" because I am a team owner) win the Super Bowl.  I casually walked over and grabbed a coffee and some donuts and asked how the line was looking.  He laughed.  He said that my stuff was on him.  I thanked him and more people flooded in and they all began talking about hunting and I had to get to work.

  7.  I've owned 3 cars in my life, a Pontiac Bonneville, a Chrysler Concorde, and a Chevy Blazer.  I have had 5 car accidents in my driving career.  4 of those accidents involved deer.  I hit a deer doing about 55 with my Pontiac and that broke a couple ribs.  The deer was mangled but it still ran away.  I got to the police station because I didn't have a cellphone and there was nothing around.  I told a cop I hit a deer and he came out and said, "I'd say you didn't hit it as much as you fucked it up."  I then realized that there was a leg on my roof and a bunch of intestines in my grill and bumper.  I hit one that came running out of a school parking lot with my Chrysler just two weeks after I bought the car.  Then the next time I hit one with the Chrysler was when I was coming home from student teaching and a deer ran in front of me.  I didn't know I was on ice and slammed on my brakes and soon I'm facing the direction I'm coming from because my car turned counterclockwise.  I ran out of road to slide and flipped off a 30 foot cliff.  I woke up a half hour later hanging upside down.  I don't know how many times I rolled but when they got my car out the only place in the roof where it wasn't flattened was where I was sitting.  I actually still have a bump on my head from that.  Then one time I was coming home and I was on ice and a deer jumped out and I hit it's ass with my side mirror and ended up slamming into a ditch filled with snow.  I couldn't get out with my 4WD.  I think this is some karmic thing because I hunt.  When I shot my first deer, I ate its heart in the field so its spirit became a part of me.

  8.  The hardest thing I ever taught in my teaching career was sex ed to sophomores.  I taught it in a religion class so you can guess how we handled sex.  Anyway two jokers ask me questions that stuck with me:  "Mr. W, I'm a male and I know Jesus was a male and as a male certain things happen...well do you think Jesus ever got boners?"  "Mr. W, is S&M sinful?"  Maybe I should also include all the times I was asked if oral sex "counted".

  9.  I have a fear of birds.  I was divebombed while on vacation as a kid and the bird crapped all over my face.  Also, my aunt and uncle raised parrots and they would attack me.  Birds hate me so I avoid them at all costs.

  10.  I had chicken pox three times as a child.  It has left my skin allergic to numerous things which include nickel, ink, and Ivory soap. 

  11.  I was in choir for 7 semesters in college.  I was in an all male choir.  Some girls say they'd love to spend time in our practice room because there were at least 100 guys in the choir.  Remember they were college students and not all have the best hygiene.  It got ripe in there.

  12.  I wear size 17(the American sizing chart) for my shoes.  It is damn near impossible to buy shoes.  Most shoe stores only carry to a 12 or 13.  I have to go to a store that deals with the Wisconsin Badgers.  I remember my shoe size was always a source of rumors on the bus.  Yes, I rode the bus in high school.  I lived away from home during high school and my parents wouldn't let me have a car because they couldn't keep tabs on the car if I was away.  Anyway a group of girls asked me my height and my shoe size.  I told them and then I heard giggling and then gasps and then muffled, "I really want to see it."  I always tried to figure out their devil's math but they refused to tell me.  And all these years later I think I've finally figured it out.

  13.  I once considered myself to be a professional groomsman.  I can't even remember how many weddings I've been in as either a groomsman or usher.  I'd say maybe close to two dozen.  And I was stupid because I always rented tuxes and never bought one.

  14.  At one point in my life I had 8 piercings.  5 were in my ear and then my eyebrow and I'll let you determine the others.

  15.  One Saturday I coached a football game in central Minnesota.  After the game finished, I hopped in my Blazer and drove 6 hours to Milwaukee to catch a Radiohead show.  After the show, I drove back to Minnesota where I was ordained as a minister.  I made it back to my house to catch a shower and change.

  16.  I quit smoking cold turkey on July 3, 2007.

  Now who to tag?
  @Zissu25 @xDark_horizonx @adamswomanback @distractedbyzombies  @Marica0701  @HUMOR_ME_NOW @americanalien  @lithium98  @sleekpunk  @emily_shannon  @raspberryjade @leaflesstree  @nov_way  @whyzat  @jersey_jenn  @we_deny_everything

  
  That really helps me aim better.
  
  The Dali Lama knows what's up.  When you say "Wisconsin", you've said it all.
  
  Yeah the winters really suck.
  
  SO TRUE!
  
  Every time it's been brought up the past few days I've said this.
  
  I wonder if they take their work home with them.
  
  Yeah that's about right.
  
  I'd double check too, Lil' Kim
  
  Why is it that every night at about midnight I get bacon cravings?
  
  I really do hate when people call me Sin-a-mmon Bubbles.
  
  Yeah she does
  
  I need to stop writing graffiti.
  
  I now have an idea for my Hanukkah cards.
  
  I find that people outside of Barbie.com don't like it as well.
  
  It's almost here.

  Well I have to sign-off for now.  I don't know when I'll return.  Hopefully the hospital will have wifi.  Sigh.  I love you, Xanga.
  
  

  • 2:42 AM
  • 21 Comments