Anonymous asked: age, name, etc. we know nothing bout u
I am always wary of talking about myself. I just find it difficult to do in a serious fashion. I also am cautious as to what I say because on my previous blog I shared a bunch of personal “stuff” and was met with comments by people saying they didn’t care about that and wanted me to make with the funny.
Basically my name is Matt. I’ve lived mostly on this planet for some 30+ years. I went to Lutheran grade school, high school, and college. I was an ordained minister for a handful of years. I taught religion in a Lutheran high school and part of what I had to teach was sex education. That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever taught. It was strange hearing students ask, “Mr. Awesome, do blowjobs count as sex?” “Mr. Stupendous, is S&M sinful?” “Mr. Coolness, did Jesus get boners?”
After a budget cut my position was terminated and I saw that the true God of the Christian church is the dollar. I live in Wisconsin. I wear a size 17 shoe. I have high blood pressure. I’m fat. I have an unknown illness. The doctors can’t pin down what I have and it’s frustrating. At my tallest I was 6’4”. I was in a car accident while student teaching. I rolled off a 30 foot cliff. I don’t know how many times my car rolled because the first time I went upside down I was knocked out. I woke up about a half hour later hanging upside down. My seatbelt saved me. The only part of the car roof that wasn’t completely crushed was where I was sitting. After the accident I am only 6’2”. I have trust issues in relationships because a girl I thought was my soulmate cheated on me and got pregnant and then tried to pin the baby on me. I also have commitment issues because my last serious girlfriend was killed in a car accident and I feel that if I get close to someone they will either cheat on me or be taken away. I used to be able to slam dunk a basketball on a standard size hoop. The weekend before Christmas 2012 I dislocated my knee and it was extremely painful and I still experience pain. I enjoy alcohol but I rarely drink any more. I can’t remember my last drink. I once had many piercings. The two strangest piercings were my eyebrow and penis. I took to piercings because I am allergic to most tattoo ink. I have a fear of birds that developed when I was 8 or 9. My family went on vacation and while in Sault St. Marie, MI seagulls divebombed me and crapped all over me. My aunt and uncle also raised parrots and they let them fly around their house and those flying rats always swooped at my head. My favorite U.S. president is James K. Polk, not because of his mistreatment of indigenous peoples but because he actually accomplished everything he set out to accomplish in four years so he didn’t pursue another term. I wish more presidents did that but because of the Senate and Congress and money it will never happen. While in college I was in choir for 7 semesters.
Do you need any more?
Comments (25)
Dang. Tumblr people be rude.You've been through quite a bit and you are very funny. I don't have much else productive to mention. My only fears in life are being in a horrible nonfatal car accident and being possessed by demons or witnessing a poultergeist.
I read and commented this post in THAT OTHER PLACE......but, I wanted to rec' it here and say, again, how much I appreciate you, Matty! With all that you've been through, you are always so encouraging and lift us up with your amazing wit and sense of humor! Thank you! HUGS!!! PS...I like that penis thingee you posted here...it's very educational. Oh...how badly did the penis piercing hurt?!
the p/t is going great....they might discharge me on August 20th or Sept. 1st it all depends on the housing situation.
Some people's life seems to revolve around being rude on the Internet! I think that most of the rude people have left Xanga. We'll see who shows up in a couple of weeks.
Mr. Bonerific, did Jesus masturbate?
So you have an irrational fear of birds do you? Hmmmm"CAW! CAW! CAW!"
Eh-he-eh-eh!
Beep-Beep.Fthp-Fthp!ZZZZIP! *poof*
Seriously though. I hope you are feeling better.
yes, beer .
I didn't realize tumbler was a blog. I thought it was a picture place just for photos. I think everyone has scars they take with them. It's hard to heal when such traumatic things happen and you've definitely had your share of those. I realized you were tall but did not realize you were 6'4 my goodness!!
The Man.
@consignedhearts111 - that POULTergeist thing, you did that on purpose didn't you...
Do you have any pain since rolling over in that car and shrinking in height???
I love that I get to know more about you!
I think I knew a bunch of this already, but I don't mind reading it again. I like getting to know people here. Too many of my friends are in pain, and this makes me sad. I hope the doctors can help you more than they have so far. And thanks for sharing.
fine jog gogb...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixf-vwtPsu4i thought this might help you.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you can meet the right girl that you can trust one day.
I didn't know you were on Tumblr. Some of my stuff is there, but I'm going to make Blogster my home. Are you on Blogster, too?
i sometimes read your posts and today i really enjoyed how you let people know about yourself...i cant't help but wonder why people pierce their body, but the tongue or the penis would be the last place to put a ring on, logically...what were you thinkng about..or are you just joking ? this is really self mutilation....
I like this. I like it when you're funny, too. I wish I could write funny things instead of some of the sordid shit I come up with.You're a good man. If I ever make it up to Wisconsin when I'm rich and famous again, I have a beer with your name on it. I'm glad they didn't shut this place down, after all.
Godfather.. good stuff. I appreciate your candor. It's something I wish I had in me ~
@complicatedlight - wdym?
@consignedhearts111 - the standard spelling is poltergeist, which loosely translates as "noisy ghost" ...poultergeist would be "young bird ghost", which, given matt's fear of birds thing, you see.... i thought you were being very clever indeed... you can still claim intention.
@consignedhearts111 - I've often been told I should write my life story down so that my pain can be laughed at for future generations.@adamswomanback - thank you for commenting in both places. the piercing didn't really hurt because I was sort of three sheets to the wind@Tallman - that's good news@whyzat - I'm really curious to see what will happen with the new xanga. It seems strange that the old one is still around. I am also not that shocked that there are so few people here now. I guess that's what happens when you say you're going to possibly shut down the site on three separate dates.@Super_Rob_of_the_Sky - 42@Aloysius_son - aww thank you very much@starmanjones - yes, beer is pretty good@LadyofWaters - yeah I thought that initially about tumblr as well but you can pretty much make it what you want it to be.I sort of wish I could be that tall again but I'll take what I have.@complicatedlight - well, I try@greatredwoman - I have back pain and in the last few months I have been having extreme pain in the spot on my head where I probably hit the roof when I rolled. I probably should have it checked out.@rachelbachel32 - well thank you, I'm glad you learned something. There may be a pop quiz one of these days@leaflesstree - yeah I like getting to know people on here better because it makes people seem real...if that makes sense@xplorrn - thanks so much...this helps me too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyvoP1CwOww@musterion99 - I doubt it will happen but oh well@sleekpunk - I don't know if I'm on that. I signed up for a few free blogging sites when Xanga announced it was going to pay system@locomotiv - I don't see it genital piercing being worse as far as mutilation goes than circumcision. At least with the piercing you can take it out and it will heal over which is the case with me. When I did it I was drunk and wanted a tattoo but because I'm allergic to the ink I couldn't get a tattoo so that is what I settled for and I was promised heightened sexual pleasure but I never experienced that because I only had it about two weeks. It hurt to walk.@CleteusMaximus - I'll have to take you to the bar that is now in my family's former shoe store. They make a great pale ale. Basically my funny switch is on. A lot of time I write stuff and it comes out depressing so I don't post it. It also helps to have had more concussions in life than fingers and toes. I think of something stupid and write it.@Patrick_Henry - thank you, I usually think of the dumb things I did in life and post them. I really should write my autobiography.
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