August 31, 2010
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Motivation
Even though I am celibate...not by choice...I have thought about giving some sex advice here. Guys, don't get a girl too drunk that she can't remember the best night of her life but just drunk enough to do the real kinky stuff. Guys, after your sex sessions you should always leave a girl looking like a newborn dear, shaking and covered in fluids. Ladies, Disney had it right. You don't need friends. Just talk to inanimate household objects. Oh and if you have kids and they want to know about sex, just tell them to watch the dog dance with the pillow. And if you want more bang for your buck, wear sweatpants to a strip club. And, ladies, if you really want to get a guy to listen to you, lose the shirt. Maybe I'll stick to whatever it is that I do.
You know I just realized Hurrican Katrina hit 5 years ago and the only person to hate Kanye West was George Bush. Kanye also says he's an artist. So if he's half rapper and half artist, does that make him a rapist? And I was totally shocked that Katrina and the Waves didn't play any benefit concerts.
Woman in a white t-shirt=instant wet t-shirt contest.
Banana peels are the seeds for face plants.
When someone posts something sad on their Facebook status, I usually press the like button. It's a good feeling that someone other than me is sad. I've been sad long enough.
Oh and politics...did you realize that the number of people at the Glenn Beck rally outnumbered the total amount of teeth 3 to 1? I saw a guy with a Glenn Beck sticker flip off an old lady that was jaywalking, so much for restoring honor. When are conservatives extremely liberal? When they're estimating attendance at the Glenn Beck rally. And dear humorless conservatives...I make jokes.
Michael Jackson turned pale, had a hand that sparkled, and died? No, he just moved to Forks, Washington.
And your weekly dose of motivation:
I've been doing my daily exercises weekly and weakly.
If your phone isn't ringing, it's me calling.
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
The law of averages says I'm above it.
Did you realize that men spend the first 9 months of their life trying to get out of a vagina and then the rest of their lives trying to get back into one.
Well I think I did a good job masking the pain. Thursday is Beverly Hills 90210 day because it is 9-02-10. Think I'll hang out at the Peach Pit.
Comments (33)
Once again sir, a total win.
Your tops in my book.
It took a while but I finally farted right through the silk.
@quodmenutriut -
Thank you so much!
@dirtbubble -
See it was a matter of time
@godfatherofgreenbay -
you're welcome
LOL. i love this post. it's so funny.
Funny post
I'm just trying to find the motivation to start blogging again, eh think maybe I'll just find a nice shady spot.
At least you get a rejection card. I always tend to write down the wrong number
Don't be sad. I've been celibate for a long time too, and it can be depressing, but it's not all that bad when you're depressing the "like" button. I like your motivation posts.
I love the spider one . . . so true, so true! Have a great day!
I need to book my appointment with the local analrapist.
Tobias Funke! all i could think about in that show is how Portia de Rossi is with Ellen Degeneres lol
"Michael Jackson turned pale, had a hand that sparkled, and died? No, he just moved to Forks, Washington."
totally the best thing ever.
i wonder how the analrapist's patients talks about going to visit him..."going to see a doctor...." maybe?
Haha, I just asked my friend why people will like a status filled with sadness or bad stuff. This was definitely a funny post, thanks for the laughs.
They are totally correct on the football joke.
Banana peels are the seeds for face plants.
YOU ARE HILARIOUS! A RIOT!!
@xchinkylaydee -
Thank you
@Shining_Garnet -
Thank you
@ElevenStones -
Shade is always a great place to start
@ccRowp -
I have had a couple that don't give me a complete number and they say that I have to work for their numbers. Girls are so strange
@POETIC_ISIS -
I'm not so depressed that I am celibate...what, the first two years are the hardest, right, so I'm inthe clear?...it's how I got to this point. But anyway...thanks for liking this post.
@jacksoncroons -
Yeah...I got a kick out of that one.
@SodomyClown -
I'm taking appointments.
@BranmacFeabhail -
I love that show and I hope they do make it a movie so it can finalize everything.
Glad you enjoyed.
@NiDH0GG -
They would definitely have to say something other than analrapist.
@TiRocKiinPiinK -
Glad you enjoyed. I had a conversation with a friend about people who fill status updates with mundane stuff like "I'm taking my kids to school" or "We went to the grocery store and Johnny wanted fishsticks". I don't get that.
@NightlyDreams -
I once watched a woman's football game...no comment.
@smile_dolphin_gal -
Thank you...glad you enjoyed
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Yeah! I never understood that "you gotta work for it" line...How does one work for a phonenumber? You do their dishes and their laundry or something? Life should be simpler!
I celebrate with you what might be the only 90210 Day in history. We won't be around for 2110 and no one will remember the show; 'cept maybe a core group of fans. Here's to all the lovely ladies of the show. Donna and Dave got married. That alone gives me hope for the future. But I think Kelly and Brandon made a good couple.
Johnny Cash cut that song in German? Seriously? Heck, I'll even believe that Elvis lives.
@wrybreadspread -
Yeah, Johnny Cash was stationed in the air force or army in Germany before he became a singer. He spoke German. I think he released about 4 or 5 songs auf Deutsch.
I wonder how the internet will preserve that show.
@godfatherofgreenbay - http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=ie7&q=jonnycash+singing+in+german&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7SNNT_en#hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7SNNT_en&q=johnny%20cash%20singing%20in%20german&wrapid=tlif12835252496062&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbo=u&tbs=vid:1&source=og&sa=N&tab=wv&fp=fbb82a6afec8c3ff
So far it appears to be scattered
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