February 6, 2012

• Even More Haikus

  

  Yes, the book of Tim
  Guidelines for the young pastor
  It's a good book
  

  Hangovers are bad
  The first movie was decent
  Haven't seen the next

  
  Why can't you be here
  Your haikus are inspiring
  And my dick is hard

  
  I will be your bra
  Luscious breasts in trembling hands
  Motorboating time!

  What is oral sex?
  Is it talking about sex?
  I am so clueless

  Tried to write haiku
  About chicken salad and
  The shit's difference

  
  Eat chicken salad
  Everybody Loves Raymond
  Salad has lettuce

  
  Now tear out your heart
  Put it into your pocket
  Live life wild and free

  Uncomplicated
  Soggy days from falling rain
  But it never rains   

  On the face of it
  The miles between here and there
  Stretch the weary heart

  
  I always wonder,
  Do I even exist when
  I am not around?

  
  Is it possible
  For males to survive without
  Female surveillance?

  Smoke on the water
  And a fire in the sky
  That’s not how it goes

  Awake and naked
  Lying alone in the heat -
  Adrift without you.

  
  I have a fever.
  My throat is sore. My head hurts.
  I will go die now. 

  
  I’m thinking, thinking
  Standardized education
  Think and think some more

  Lying in your bed
  Wrapped up in your taste and touch
  Oh man, my balls itch

  Sometimes it is hard
  Being the only one who’s
  Not a bag of shit

  
  My hair has a mind
  Of it’s own, I hate you, hair
  I will shave you off

  
  

  There was a time when
  

  I knew everybody’s name
  

  Too old for this shit

  I want you for me
  But if that’s not possible
  Being close is fine

  Fuck the zodiac
  

  I’m a Pisces, hear me roar
  

  But fish do not roar

  
  I’m still a Pisces
  Whatever does Pisces mean?
  Let us get it on

  
  

  With a wink and smile
  I will take you to my bed
  Time to play Twister

  Winter is endless
  It has never been longer
  That is what she said
  

  But I am evil
  I am partly Germanic
  Just partly evil

  
  Best friends are like jeans
  They sometimes fade and have rips
  Always hold your junk

  
  

  I should get that shirt
  Probably not in my size
  The fat haiku-ist

  Thank you, raspberry
  Judge my haikus in your group
  They'll openly weep

  I am not real
  That was a rumor here once
  Feel like a robot

  
  Maybe it's gay porn
  Surgical enhancements
  All things possible

  
  

  Johnny Galieki
  He's on The Big Bang Theory
  He knows magnetics
  

  Someone needs to start
  Haiku Aficionado
  group here on Xanga
  

  Believe in me now
  I am the haiku master
  Bee-bop-a-ree-bop

  
  Thanks, very kind sir
  Those were made for assignments
  Haikus for science

  
  I thank you so much
  Your comments mean much to me
  You poet genius

  Oops, it is Brat Stop
  Can't believe I was so wrong
  I still make the best

  Did you notice yours
  I defiantly wrote it
  Just for little you

  
  

  I'm part scandalous
  And part psychotic breakdown
  Can you hear me now?

  
  

  My house was the place
  where married men came to drink
  More liquor than bars

   I wrote all these damn things
  Why the fuck did I do this
  I don’t have a life

  I think they see me
  I really hope they do see
  I should slap them both

  
  

  Holy fuck I’m bored
  I can’t stop these damn haikus

  Don’t fucking judge me

  
  Thank you very much
  Booze makes everything better
  That is life, kiddo

  I hate braunschweiger
  It smells like dead animals
  Crawled inside your mouth

  You're oh so welcome
  Appreciate your kindness
  Xanga needs much more

  
  Oh the accolades
  I am not good with praises
  My skin turns bright red
  

  Sex sex sex sex sex
  In and out, big and meaty
  How hot was this one?

  You are welcome, sir
  I did your homework for you
  Passing guaranteed

  I love Nintendo
  Blowing the cartridge before
  I could even play

  
  Here is your haiku
  I hope you enjoy it because
  It's very hard work
  

  
  Oh and here's one more
  This haiku is about you
  Even though it's not

  My dreams are all sex
  sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
  Always on my mind
  

  Maybe it's because
  I'm lonely and have Tumblr
  Just buy a hooker

  
  you make me face fears
  I'll die alone with my brats
  Sausage's not a good mate

  
  Shucks, here's a haiku
  You get haiku just because
  A nifty gifty

  Venison liver
  That is where it's at, kind sir
  Shot with my own gun

  Don’t let looks fool you
  I have petals for lips but
  A mouth full of thorns.

  Within the storm’s eye,
  

  Pause before the next tempest:
  

  Mute tears fall as ink

  
  

  Milk bags are useful
  And are easy to handle
  Bagged milk is awesome
  

  I want a girlfriend
  I really want a girlfriend
  I want a girlfriend
  

  Like footprints in snow,
  I know where I am heading.
  No doubt in the world

  
  

  Who died to make me
  The king of all the haikus?
  Twas Joe Paterno

  
  

  Thank you very much
  Took about three weeks to write
  I need to write more

  I have a pencil
  If I stick it in my ear
  It will hurt, a lot

  And you should see the
  

  Ambition in my eyes, the
  

  Hustle in my step
  

  
  

  Boobies yum yum yum
  

  Boobies on a girl who's dumb
  

  Boobies yum yum yum
  

  
  

  This has been awesome
  I am going to bed now
  I need to pee ok

  
  
  And Rick Santorum demonstrates my main source of inspiration for writing haikus.
  
  Who doesn't?
  
  We need to start a wristband campaign for lobsters who think they are supporting cancer awareness but are duped into being murdered awareness.
  
  Tom Cruise has begun work on a remake of Guess Whose Coming to Dinner.  This was actually what caused Herman Cain to drop out of the GOP primary race.  Can't a gentleman offer a lady a place to sit?
  
  And this was the day when Dora the Explorer found everything and gave up.
  
  Have a good night.  I ate so much cheese today.  I feel like I need to be rolled to bed.

  • 9:49 PM
  • 58 Comments