February 20, 2012
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Sleepwalking Like a Champ
I have always had issues with sleep. So many times when I was a child I'd go to bed in my bed and wake up in various places throughout the house. Then I think once I hit high school that stuff stopped although my roommates said I talked in my sleep and they had conversations with me about various topics. One roommate said I was better at algebra while sleeping than when I was awake. I didn't notice it much when I first started teaching although at that time I was battling insomnia. There were a few times that scared me and it usually involved my front door and garage door being left wide open and my car being moved. Lately I'm getting fearful of what I'm doing when I am supposed to be asleep. Most mornings I'm waking up dressed in clothing I didn't have on when I went to bed. Like I'll go to bed wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. I'll wake up wearing jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie. There was one time I woke up wearing dress pants, button down shirt, and tie. I've also noticed that my Blazer gets moved. There'll be times when it's parked on the street or in my backyard. There have been a few times when I've went to leave in the morning and I've found the back end loaded with folding chairs from various churches in town. Well last night was the latest chapter of this bizarre behavior. I had bought some Febreze yesterday afternoon while grocery shopping. I can't remember what time I eventually went to bed last night but it late. I think I was out before my head hit the pillows. Anyway the next thing I know my mouth is burning. I wake up and I'm sitting in my living room in front of my coffee table and in my hand is the bottle of Febreze. I had gulped down about half of the bottle and my mouth was on fire. I washed out my mouth as good as I could but it seemed that the more water I drank the more my mouth burned. I drank some milk and that seemed to help a little. I tried to go back to sleep but it was difficult to sleep thinking about how I just harmed myself. I'm actually fearful of what may come next. I did finally get to sleep and when I woke up my breath smelled like linen straight out of a dryer. I also received a phone call from my mom asking why I called at 7AM to tell her that Lord Palmerston was the greatest prime minister of England. I haven't even seen that episode of The Simpsons lately. Maybe I got some Paranormal Activity shit going on with me. I now swallow my saliva and I still have a hint of Febreze. Even though that was so poorly written I assure you I'm fully awake.
I wonder if he eats there for free.
I think that would solve a lot of things.
Yes, solve a lot of things. No wonder people hate science.
And because everyone seems to be talking about abortion...again
Worst. Game. Ever!
Yeah, this seems like an exciting game. I bet the the final achievement is called "Raging Boner".
And then my wife curled up into a fetal position when she realized that the Swedes at IKEA were punishing her with their easy to assemble furniture.
Not so easy now is it Adele?
I bet that guy is popular with the ladies. I wonder how often he has to change his car battery.
I watched the Celebrity Apprentice this evening. Is it weird that I knew most of the guys without having to see a name but I had no clue who a majority of the women were?
I should invest in a tombstone with all my sleep drinking shenanigans. I don't think Febreze is good for you. I won't tell you the side effects I've been having other than the fresh breath. Why does the tombstone say that? I have two cats.
Whitney Houston will be greatly missed.
Comments (21)
Wow. That's crazy. I had this friend who would sleep walk, and his mom told me that one night he went into their bedroom with a knife and was standing over them. Nothing happened, obviously, but still! I hope your sleepwalking stops. It can be dangerous!
i think maybe you ought to get to a sleep clinic.
That sounds very serious. I've never known a sleepwalker. When I was a kid I used to move a lot while sleeping, I'd wake up lying on the bed with my feet where my head should be. I had a roommate in college who would talk in her sleep, which was somewhat amusing.
Maybe you could handcuff yourself to the bed or something?
If you're serious about the sleepwalking and sleep eating (drinking) then see a doctor/sleep disorder specialist. I am concerned. If you don't have the health care coverage, maybe lock your bedroom door or set up an alarm that's triggered to go off and wake you if you open the door? or put safety latches on the poisonous stuff and whatever else might be dangerous to a sleep walker.
Holy cats! You're not taking some freaky deaky sleep aid like Ambien are you? You need to get some help ASAP.
They have those alarm things you hang on doors so if you open them and the magnets disconnect it makes a realllllly reallllllly loud siren sound. Get one for your front door, one for the back door, and one for your cleaning supply cabinet.
And rig a security camera up in your house and hit record before you go to bed! Then you'll know what you do all night when you're walking around. 
Now I have to go see who's on celebrity apprentice this time around. It's like dancing with the stars, I never watch it but I have to know who's on it. I probably won't recognize anyone though because I don't watch much tv anymore.
yikes!
Febreze?? that is not good. you should probably go to the doctor. srsly.
did you call poison control?! that's dangerous!!
you should also go to a doctor about your sleepwalking episodes, is there something you can take for that?
I wonder if they give you the right change at the stores when you buy things while you're sleeping?
I knew you were a werewolf, I have a sense about these things! I love the Family Planning sign!
I've always been worried about you, but now for different reasons. All of the suggestions others listed above, plus try to change whatever habitual sleep routines you already have. i'm glad you're keeping your sense of humor, though - never lose that, it's a good one
do not eat at kfc you will get food poisoning
Definitely see a doctor! I like the idea of getting a motion detector. Don't lock up the house too much, you still have to be able to get out in an emergency! My sister used to creep me out by calling my name in her sleep!
Take some Ambien. Maybe you'll come up with the answer to all global problems in your sleep. That or drive your car into a convenience store. It'd be interesting either way.
I'm very concerned about you breaking into churches in the middle of the night and taking their folding chairs. What if it's a Lutheran church and they're having a potluck the next day?
Seriously, Febreze? Maybe you should lock up all of your non-consumables.
Waking up in dress clothes and a tie must be weird.
My boys, when they were little boys, used to sleep pee in the middle of the night. They'd get up, sleep walk, and go pee in weird places...in the closet, etc. I'm glad they outgrew that.
pretend you're filming a new version of 'home alone'. jury rig your house so that when the sleeping zombie dude arises he gets clubbed and bashed and soaked and then some cameras can film it all... and for god's sake start wearing a) a condom while you sleep b) a chastity belt c) listen to this before sleep - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx0rwtVDi1I
d) hide your car keys e) stay away from that river...
dude - it's been said above. get thee to a doc. get thee to a sleep clinic. you're well loved here on xangaland - and i'm sure in real life as well...
keep me posted - but doc and sleep clinic... bitte...
??????????? Trombone hero ????????????????
I had a friend who would get up a drive her car in her sleep. She put a motion detector on her outside door so if she stepped outside flood lights would light up and awaken her.
@heythereJOANN - wow that's scary, one of my friends used to scream and pick fights in his sleep. He was over at my house one night and he started yelling about how we had to stay on the path or he was going to kick our asses.
@promisesunshine - yeah I've been thinking of it but I told a doctor once and he said it was probably just stress
@leaflesstree - handcuff myself and succumb to a new fetish? You know that feeling you get when you're sleeping and you think you're falling and right before you hit bottom you wake up? I get that most every night and sometimes I think when I wake up it's me jerking out of a walk and then there are times when I wake up as I hit the floor or ground. One time when I was a kid I fell and landed on my floor and it jerked a mirror out of my dresser and the mirror fell down on me. I was pinned and couldn't move so I screamed for my parents for hours.
@sleekpeek - I asked a doctor about it before and he said it was probably stress and usually when I'm at my "worst" is usually when I'm very stressed out so I have to think of ways to reduce stress.
@adventofreason - No, there have been times when I have thought about getting a sleep aid because some nights it's near impossible for me to fall asleep. It's like certain planets have to be in line for me to fall asleep.
@spinner_mom - I have been thinking of getting door alarms for my doors leading outside but I couldn't put them on a bedroom door because if I shut any door to a room I'm in my cats would cry and cry and then I wouldn't get any sleep.
I found it bad I could recognize all the men but not most of the women.
@Peridot21 - yeah I probably should but last time I brought it up the doctor just said it was stress related but maybe I should consult for a specialist. I also worry they'll make me see a psychiatrist
@raspberryjade - I have asked a doctor about it but he said it's stress related. But I was told to monitor myself and if anything changed I was supposed to come in for tests. I think they didn't want me in right away because I washed my mouth out so quickly.
@BoulderChristina - I have wondered that too because my skin breaks out with most every type of metal on my skin
@dirtbubble - hmmm I'm trying to see how I worry you, thanks for the concern and the tips
@dmcx2010 - that's right, you had a bad reaction to KFC
@whyzat - I'm thinking of installing alarms on my doors to the outside. I've talked to a doctor before and all he said was it was stress.
@carolinavenger - you know, that's something worth trying at this point
@musicmom60 - hahaha I couldn't imagine a church without a potluck
I've been thinking of that too. I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea with my cats managing to open doors.
I remember in college a guy who went on a mini-fridge and when the guy whose room it was asked what the heck the peer was doing, the peer responded, "Well doesn't your roommate do this?"
@xplorrn - hahaha yeah I should really load up the paint cans around the house so when I trip them I get woken up with a concussion.
Yeah I probably will call up about a specialist I can see because that was pretty scary.
@roscoes_farm - yeah it would make for one hell of a game
@curiousdwk - I have motion lights but they must not be bright enough.
@godfatherofgreenbay - well, if it's stress, then you need to figure out a better way to deal with it. did the doc have anything constructive to say about that? critical of doc, not you.
@godfatherofgreenbay - yeesh. I really think you should see somebody. O
@godfatherofgreenbay - I worry about everyone, but you I worry about the way I worry for myself. Take care of yourself.
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