Seriously...Jonathon Taylor Thomas took my order.  Oh how the mighty have fallen!  Remember how he left Home Improvement because he said he was too big for that show?  Yeah, his movie career turned out as good as David Caruso's.

Strange desire, I want to go sledding.

I was thinking about music from the 80s.  Do you think Mike and the Mechanics were ASE certified?  I can explain that one for you but I can't understand it for you.

Did you know the greatest cure for dandruff is baldness?

The true meaning of love is never winning at tennis.  Once again I can explain that one for you but I can't understand it for you.

Remember to relish today but ketchup tomorrow.

Someone asked me this week what my favorite love song is.  I replied that it is "Bitches Ain't Shit but Hoes and Tricks" by Dr. Dre.  They informed me that Ben Folds does a cover.  I said, "Listen, only the Dr. can operate.  Would you like a "cover" brain surgeon operating on you?" 

That last one was lame so here is this week's batch of motivation:

 

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.  Have a great...eh, I'll finish it later.

I did one of these a long time ago and I was somewhat curious if during my absence people forgot about me.  Here is a little quiz.

1.  How many high schools did I attend?
         a.  1
         b.  4
         c.  2 (Why?  Because the first school I attended closed and became a prison)
         d.  None...because I am that damn smart with my Mensa rated IQ

2.  Which sports did I play in high school?
         a.  Cross-country, boy's volleyball, golf
         b.  Soccer, basketball, long distance runner for track
         c.  Football, wrestling, baseball  (I do not have a runner's body and I ain't athletic so I do these)
         d.  Sports have no place in our modern society

3.  Which of these was NOT one of my nicknames?
       a.  Tiny  (Because I was tall and big and tiny in other departments)
       b.  Tank (During football I loved being able to run right through the line sort of like a tank goes through a wall)
       c.  Mom 
       d.  Wurm (I think this came to me from the movie Friday and a guy just started calling me that)

4.  Which of these is my favorite high school memory?
      a.  A professor for the better half of a semester called me Lucas, the name of an African American student
      b.   During my supervised piano practice, the checker lady hit me with her cane because I wasn't practicing despite having a cast on my hand.
      c.  The night when we locked the dorm supervisor off our floor and turned the hallway into a giant slip and slide
      d.  Winning the Dairyland Conference title in football
      e.  Playing in a state championship football game despite losing 55-14
      f.  Living away from my parents during all four years of high school
      g.  "Borrowing" the former principal's keys and streaking through the school late at night much to the chagrin of some female teachers doing late night preparation
      h.  All of the above  (All of those happened and I loved every moment)
      i.  None of the above

5.  I have done extensive coaching in my life, which sport(s) have I NOT at one point coached:
     a.  Football
     b.  Weight lifting
     c.  Track
     d.  Softball
     e.  Baseball
     f.  Cross-country
     g.  Volleyball
     h.  Soccer  (Even though I don't have a runner's body I coached all of those.  I refused to have a soccer program until they removed a tree from the middle of the field.  They didn't so I never coached soccer.)
     i.  Basketball

6.  Where was I born?
    a.  Under a bad sign  (This is a freebie)
    b.  Down to the crossroads
    c.  at a hospital
    d.  The stork brought me

7.    Which of the following cars have I NOT owned?
     a.  Pontiac Bonneville
     b.  Chrysler Concorde
     c.  Chevy Blazer
     d.  Ford Reichswagen (I am very surprised Ford never rolled out the Reichswagen)

8.  True/False  I am related to a man who was arrested for being a Nazi.  (He was arrested in Denmark and tried in Germany but it was in 1995.  His name is Gary Lauk and his name in the Nazi movement is The Farmbelt Fueher.  He's a cousin and I am not taking pride.)

9.  True/False  During college I spent 7 semesters in a choir.  (You should have got this one if you ever went through my music blog)

10.  True/False   I fear birds.  (Ever since I was divebombed and shat on by a seagull at Sault St. Marie, I have feared birds)

11.  The hardest class I ever taught is:
       a.  5th grade math
       b.  3rd grade P.E.
       c.  9th grade English
       d.  10th grade religion  (There was a chapter on sex ed. from a Christian perspective.  "Mr. W., does a hand-job count as sex?  Mr. W., is S&M sinful?  Mr. W., are blow-jobs outside of marriage wrong?  Mr. W., did Jesus get boners?"

12.  My favorite U.S. president is:
       a.  George W. Bush
       b.  Barack Obama
       c.  Teddy Roosevelt
       d.  James K. Polk  (Napoleon of the Stump didn't take shit from anyone and when he accomplished all of his goals in four years therefore he didn't seek re-election plus They Might Be Giants do a wicked awesome song about him complete with saw solo.)

13.  True/False   I understand women.  (You could go either way on this one because there are aspects I do understand like the fact that I will never understand women)

14.  True/False  Leonard Part 6 is, in my opinion, Bill Cosby's greatest work. (If you disagreed and said Ghost Dad was his best work, well then I am going to jump through your screen and yell at you.)

15.  True/False   I have never had a car accident or speeding ticket.  (While I have never had a speeding ticket, I have had 5 car accidents, 4 of which involved deer.)

OK that should be interesting to see how people do.  Maybe if I have someone who passes I will post a photo of myself but that would mean I have to take one of myself.  I wonder if my clerical collar still fits.