Month: May 2010

  • Deadwood- Pilot (Episode 1)

    In the fall of 2009, I spent 18 weeks reviewing every episode of the TV show Freaks and Geeks.  I loved that series and was so sad to see it end after one season.  If you have never seen Freaks and Geeks, please go here(the last episode) and watch episodes at your leisure. 

    I have decided it was time to watch another one of my favorite TV series, another series that ended abruptly.  Deadwood...I don't think any words of my words to describe the series in its entirety could do it any justice.  Like the real life Deadwood, South Dakota, the series Deadwood was one hell of a wild ride.  No other show has had such an influence in my life.  I drove to Deadwood the weekend after I watched the entire first season just so I could say I was there.  I also tried to grow facial hair like one of the main characters but because of my stupidity that was impossible. When I was about 3, my dad was a heavy smoker.  He left a lit cigarette in his ashtray and I tried to be like daddy.  I put the cigarette between my lips.  The lit end went in first.  There is a spot on my lip now where I don't grow hair.  So when I tried to grow a moustache it looked ridiculous.  Anyway, Deadwood...awesome.

    http://www.deadwoodchronicles.com/protect/images/DeadwoodS1/Ep-1/Seth2.jpghttp://www.thejukeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Seth_Bullock.gif
    Timothy Olyphant stars as Seth Bullock
    http://www.deadwoodchronicles.com/protect/images/DeadwoodS1/Ep-1/Al2.jpghttp://www.legendsofamerica.com/photos-southdakota/GemTheaterBar.jpg
    Ian McShane stars as Al Swearengen proprietor of the Gem Saloon (real Al third from the right)
    http://www.deadwoodchronicles.com/protect/images/DeadwoodS1/Ep-1/Bill1.jpghttp://jeffreyalanmiller.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/wild_bill.jpg
    Keith Carradine as Wild Bill Hickok
    http://www.deadwoodchronicles.com/protect/images/DeadwoodS1/Ep-1/Jane2.jpghttp://eskie.net/superior/west/images/jane_1a.jpg
    Robin Weigert as Calamity Jane Cannary

    There are more members of the cast but I just wanted to focus on these four.

    Episode Summary: After executing a last act of justice as a Montana marshal, Seth Bullock relocates to a gold-mining camp known as Deadwood, where he and partner Sol Star look to start a hardware business. Bullock soon crosses paths with another new arrival - legendary gunfighter Wild Bill Hickok - and clashes with the formidable boss of the Gem Saloon, Al Swearengen. For his part, Swearengen must handle the deadly result of a run-in between one of his whores and a trick, while brokering the sale of a gold claim to wealthy New York socialite Brom Garret. When reports come of the massacre of a frontier family by Indians, a suspicious Bullock and Hickok ride out in search of survivors; for Swearengen, the results are bad for business.

    My Thoughts: This is the start of something beautifully ugly.  I think I am going to sit back and let you share your thoughts on the episodes.

    Trivia:  Death Toll: 4
    This episode shows Wild Bill Hickok arrive in Deadwood after Bullock and Starr. In reality, Wild Bill first arrived in Deadwood in mid-July. Bullock and Starr arrived in Deadwood on August 1st, 1876, the day prior to Hickok's death.

    Jeffery Jones's newspaperman character refers to himself as an "ink-stained wretch." This term for reporters wasn't coined until the early 20th century, either by Alexander Woollcott or by early sportswriter Trent Frayne.

    When Calamity Jane draws her revolver and orders Doc Cochran to wait for her, it is a Colt Peacemaker. As she puts the gun back in her holster, it is a Richards Mason conversion of a Colt cap and ball revolver.

    As Dan Dority and Brom Garrett prepare to leave to check out Brom's claim, they give each other the "thumbs up." It is believed that this gesture was first used in America by pilots in World War II (1939-45). The show is set in 1876-77.

    Seth Bullock states several times that he was born in Etobicoke, Ontario, when in fact he was born July 23, 1849 in Amherstburg, Upper Canada. Ontario is one of the four original provinces of Canada when the federal nation was created July 1, 1867, when the British North America Act, 1867 (or 'BNA Act') came into force

    Most of the male leads have a historical counterpart.  The Metz family, Calamity Jane, Sol Star, E.B. Farnum, Al Swearengen, Seth Bullock, Wild Bill, Charlie Utter, Reverend Smith, and Jack McCall are all real life people although the TV series takes artistic license with the characters.

    The music in the closing credits is "Hog of the Forsaken" by Michael Hurley.

    Total number of times the word "fuck" is said: 55
    Fucks per Minute: 0.917

    Enjoy the show!

  • Motivation

    Wellity wellity wellity...it seems that Peridot21 figured out one of my profile pics...congratulations! (And no that isn't the prize)

    I figured I would do this earlier tonight because I really have to start reading again.  I was averaging a book a day but since I started getting back into Xanga my reading has come to a halt.  Also these damn basketball playoffs are keeping me glued to the TV so naturally I am reading Bill Simmon's "The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to the Sports Guy".  From what I have read so far, it's excellent but he keeps telling me to find stuff on youtube.  I'll look for the clip, like the time Rick Barry, the biggest dick in NBA history, said Bill Russell had a watermelon grin.  Yeah check that one out for Russell's reaction and how Barry tries to redeem himself.  Then I'll start looking for other stuff and then I find myself playing mafia wars. 

    Autoerotic asphyxiation is ok, just not INXS.

    I think I am going to adopt the Justin Bieber hairstyle.  It's sort of hard not to when you are rocking the comb-over.

    Did anyone read my audio entries?  I thought not.

    Boobs are the oldest drug in the world.

    According to CNN, a red ship collided with a brown ship and the survivors are presumed to be marooned.

    There was one time when I thought I was mistaken but I was wrong.






    If some is good, then more is better.
    I've seen a great deal of hypocrisy today on Xanga so I am just going to leave you with some songs.

  • Monday Mash-Up Madness

    I hope everyone wished their mothers a happy mothers day.  My weekend was strange to say the least.  It all started Saturday night when I was driving around trying to collect my thoughts.  My mom calls and asks if I can stop at the hospital and pick up something for my dad.  I pulled up at the hospital and walk in through the only unlocked entrance, the emergency room.  These nurses come running because apparently an ambulance is on the way with some serious situation.  I said I wasn't there with ambulance but needed to pick something up for my dad.  They were indignant and went to a supply closet and pulled out a box.  The nurse walks up to me and shoves the box in my gut and says "Here!"  I drive to drop off the box but curiosity got the best of me.    I opened a flap and I was dumbfounded.  It was a case of enemas.  I had to pull over and gather myself.  Where my parents planning some weird shit for the night?  I don't know why but seeing a case of enemas made me flashback to my earliest childhood memories.  I woke up in the night and heard my parents talking.  I couldn't reach for a glass to get some water so I went to their room.  Big mistake.  There was my dad behind my mom who said, "Not in that hole."  I turned and went to my bedroom sans drink but all these years later it makes me drink.  The other memory was when I found one of my dad's Penthouses.  I took it to show my mom.  "Mommy, look her boobies."  And you wonder why I have issues.  Well on Sunday my mom lets me know that they don't want to go out because my dad is sick.  She said that what I brought him took effect and he can't get it to stop.  She brought up the term "shit spill".  She also said how she was exhausted because she was up all night cleaning the bathroom.  I cringed and suggested that she should just take my dad in the backyard and hose him down.  So I hope all you mothers had a better Mother's Day than what my mom experienced.

    Music...the mash-ups for this week have two themes.  One will be pretty obvious but the other not so much.

    This one combines "Monkey Wrench" by The Foo Fighters with "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys.  Any mash-up that has "Sabotage" in it can't be bad.

    Take "Mic Check" by the Beastie Boys and mix it with "The Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin and you have this nice little mash-up.  I have wondered if either side in Arizona bought rights to "The Immigrant Song" because I bet that would get people to side with them no matter which side they are on.

    This mash-up mixes "Rapture" by Blondie with "Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys.  Here's another song by the Beasties that wherever it is featured it can't go wrong.  Freshman year of college that album dropped, as the kids say, and I remember everyone was zombified by that song.  One night these guys put it on there stereo for open dorms and had a "Dance" in their room.  I swear that song must have played for 2 straight hours.  Now a little history on the song "Rapture".  That song is quite monumental to the hip-hop world.  It was the first song to hit number one on a chart that contained rapping and it gave the world the term rapping.  See the DJs would play songs like Rapture and would say, "Oh here is a song that is like "Rapture" because it contains that portion of Rapturing.  Hmmm can I shorten that up?  Yeah, rapping."  Blondie gave birth to the term rapping and Debbie Harry also does the best portrayal of a lesbian biker in all of cinema in the movie Spun.

    Did you get the themes?  The first theme was that all the mash-ups contained songs by the Beastie Boys.  That was the obvious one.  The not so obvious one is that all of these mash-ups were created on a video game.  Yes, they all came from DJ Hero.  I really need that game.  Any sugar mommas out there want to help a guy out? 

    I have a few people I could hand that out to this coming Valentine's Day.

    Well it's time to go have a scotch and have a toast for bread because without bread there would be no toast.  Sometime tomorrow I'll have another guest blogger.  I have to pick him up from the airport.

  • Guest Blogger: Xanga Suicide

    I am having some form of writer's block.  I have plenty of things to write about but whenever I see them on the screen, I get disgusted and delete the entry so I am bringing in a guest blogger much like I have in the past.  I have had guest talk about these topics in the past: the the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, The Swine Flu, and The Nobel Prize, and The Times Square Car-Bomb Scare.

    I have had mixed feelings about the whole Xanga suicide hoax from last week but my words aren't strong enough so that is why I hired a guest to write for me.


    Guest Blogger
    Stevie Wonder

    THANK godasgater of green abyba
    Usd ashkln to wertar  tboig foepa tpi I arealylA aihoate w34 that ioda aal;sa -234 Whatasisa sirthjtsdiuty projkb ioseut HE quieop[- kdtu die kjbyvf fdretbu hvrd67vb hf<qzazsxc cdxs<x vy86r4w1q

    kjc nj i n89r8cjiunijdniu<azdrjcn gtv nbhun hf56fb dcninmdk cifc hh z<zxdsdg jg78re46wqaesDFGDFHJCGFDrexcvn jvh iu 4987ytfuinc asiojc905uvt98nv  hgvh hvuyfiou986t67rdcvha2q43we56fygv hvuyf hgyh hftyugoioiy78rdc <<zsdxcg <<zhb

    ijefiv zzxc frikv toignv jncdijn sjdncio idkm cidf uifcn93r9cv kja<xnirugv9o5t jfnviu 8uerfj iuwhedi jidcniucfief nbhj uijiocd k ijdn i'¡o vf9j<zc die

    vjnic dkmod ofc kjnv io 890ek sxlkdpf vkm jfnv domspome0p lm cdp ij jib65r< z41234sd56v bn ikllkhuv jj bfc<sz vijn idcnicf dcoc jifvitguvn edjnriofv fc fj fv nieo dwk osm0ef fj fv nieo dwk osm0ef

    Disclaimer: the guest blogger's opinions do not reflect those of the godfatherofgreenbay.

  • Guest Blog: Times Square Car Bomb Scare

    From time to time I like to sit back and let others blog for me.  Over the past I have had guest bloggers cover the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, The Swine Flu, and The Nobel Prize.

    I do not have the words to fully express the situation in New York City when it comes to these bomb scares which is why I have brought in a guest blogger.  Just a reminder, I do not endorse the words of my guest blogger.

    http://victordrazen.o3ms.com/nationalfootballpost.com/media_center/images/rendered/blog/wysiwyg/pw8.jpg
    Peter "Paulie Walnuts" Gualtieri

    Piacere, Don Mateo!

    Oh, madonn', this jamook in the city has me mezza morta.  He bought some fuckin' fireworks and potting soil and he's going to kill us Americans?  Oh madonn'!

    All I'm saying, cugine, is you drop me in Wherever-the-fuck-it-is-istan, and I'll give that finook a Moe Green special.  I dare them to come over here to Jersey and pull that shit.  They wind up in old man Satriale's grinder.

    These mortadella terrorists are cutting into this thing of ours and making it harder for us to make a decent and honest living.  You say the word and I clip every single one of those fuckers.  Ah va fa Napole!  Oh!

    One strunz is goin' ruin the whole fuckin' Times Square experience?  Now everyone is getting scared and turning puttana.  Oh a bag of water and books...I'm shakin' in my boots.  Oobatz!  Then you get this cafone who lets his car idle in the square.  What the fuck?  He has everyone hiking up their skirts and running for the hills.  But then shit happens, what are you gonna do?

    We send them money and we supply them weapons to fight off the Russians but in the end they try to fuckin' kill us.  You do them an act of kindess and you get bombed for your efforts.  You think you have an ally but in the end they fuck you too.

    I tell you, just let me at this pucchiacha and I'll put one between his eyes and blow his brains out.  Seeing as the guy tried to use fireworks for his bomb there probably won't be many brains to clean up.  Then all this talk of whackin' the terrorists, I figure I'm gonna do a few thousand years in purgatory because you add up all your mortal sins and multiply that by 50 and then add up all your venial sins and then you multiply that by 25.  You add the two numbers together and that's your sentence in purgatory.  A few thousand years is just like a few years in jail here.

    Just say the word Don Mateo and I will separate Juan Valdez from his donkey.

    I just have one last thing to say about the terrorists:

    http://www.jockish.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/paulie.jpg
    Fuck 'em!

    Disclaimer: the guest blogger's opinions do not reflect those of the godfatherofgreenbay.

  • Celebrity Round Up 5/7/2010

    Wisconsin weather...I don't know about it.  Last week there were days I was outside and walking around working up a sweat and then this week I am bundled up.  Today I was out ordering flowers for Mother's Day (is 5 dozen enough?) and the rain felt like snow and actually as I look out my window over my bar the raindrops look like they are becoming solid.  I am hoping I won't have to shovel.  On to the round-up.

    Spencer Pratt announced that he is planning to make a Jersey Shore inspired energy drink.  He plans on calling it Guido Juice.  I think this energy drink should contain ingredients that every guido should familiarize himself with namely rat poison.  Spencer should be the first person to test the drink.  I wonder if he understands that when he shaves his peach fuzz it will come back and will be darker and eventually he'll be just like a big boy.

    Speaking of Jersey Shore, Snooki and JWoww offended yet another race.  Ladies, wouldn't it be easier to pass each other the lime with your hands?  Oh wait, your mouths are probably cleaner...and that is saying a lot.

    I heart Rihanna.  She was in a Paris sex shop this week eying sex toys.  Just so you know the bottom toy, next to Rihanna's shoulder, is called The Godfather.

    Miley Cyrus still works for Disney, right?  This is a still shot from her new masturbation scene music video.  The song is entitled "Can't be Tamed".  I bet Miley could be tamed.  All it would take is a ticket to an R-rated movie and a bottle of Boone's Farm.  Even though I think the photo is wrong, it's Pedo Bear approved.

    A shocking story about Mel Gibson surfaced this week.  The reason why his girlfriend/mistress/baby momma Oksana Grigorieva broke up with him is because...wait for it...he cheated on her.  Yes, upstanding Catholic of the year 2004, cheated on his mistress with a Polish porn producer named Violet Kowal, who claimed that the sex with Mel was the greatest she has ever had.  So maybe that cigar isn't a cigar and Mel is going through women because he is hiding something...paging Dr. Freud.  I wonder how Mel will get out of this one.  I think Danny Glover is too old for that shit.  I was going to go with a Catholic joke but I plan on pulling out the big guns later.

    Only two words in the English language can fully encapsulate Matthew Broderick and those two words are BADASS MOTHERFUCKER...hey I don't feel bad about those words since they appear on wallets, but wait, is that four words or two...anyway...Why does Matthew have two helmets?  Well the dude is so badass he has to have a back-up helmet in case the first helmet breaks when he is escaping from spiders.  You can never be too safe these days.

    In sad news, this week Lynn Redgrave passed away at the age of 67.  She had been battling breast cancer.  Lynn will be greatly missed.

    Lindsay Lohan got off the schneid and found some work this week.  She will be playing Linda Lovelace in a movie about the making of the porno classic, Deep Throat.  It's the part Lindsay was born to play.  I hear she plans on doing her own stunts for the movie.  When she found out that the role involved the character putting dicks in her mouth, I bet Lindsay paid for that role.

    Kristen Stewart has been cast in a movie and this one has me PISSED!  Kristen will be playing Mary Lou in a movie adaptation of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road".  I guess she is perfect for that role since Mary Lou did a lot of drugs and Kristen always looks stoned.  On the other hand, the part isn't for her because if I recall correctly, Mary Lou showed emotion in the book.  I bet Jack Kerouac is rolling in his grave because of this movie or it's still all the benzedrine.

    And while we are on the topic of upcoming movies, Vivid Entertainment claims they are going to release a movie starring Kendra Wilkinson.  If you aren't familiar with Vivid's library of work just know that they have released most every celebrity sextape on the market.  Early in the week, Kendra claimed she didn't know anything about the tape.  Vivid countered by saying that after Kendra made the pages of Playboy she tried to sell the tape to them.  Yes, Kendra is a dullard.  She has to know since she recorded the DVD commentary.  "See that desk that my boyfriend is banging me on?  Funny story...we were on vacation in Mexico and found the cutest little shop...(insert Kendra laughing moronically)."

    Horrible...I can't even bring myself to write about this twat and no way could I write the joke about him that involved the Vatican. 

    After seeing Katy Perry in this dress I think I need some Ecstasy or some acid.  So...ummm...did Katy go commando?  Hey, I just noticed, she's starting to act weird again.  That must mean an album is going to be released shortly.

    Johnny Depp proved this week that he is better than me.  He saw a guy harassing another guy on the street and walked up and intervened.  The mugger backed down and ran away.  If it was me I would have helped the mugger and split the cash 50/50 or else I would have mugged the mugger.  You know what, I don't care if Johnny Depp is better than me, I have more adoring fans on Xanga than he does.

    Johnny Weir proved that the Kentucky Derby is nothing more than an excuse to get drunk while wearing fancy hats although that is one hat I wouldn't wear.  Who am I kidding?  It matches my purse.

    Remember when Joaquin Phoenix was running all over the place acting all bat-shit crazy and not knowing rat shit from rice-krispies and thinking he was going to be the next white hype in the rap game?  Well it was all a fake.  It was all a mockumentary directed by Casey Affleck.  They are trying to keep the wraps on it because they are still shopping the project around Hollywood and upcoming film fests.  They don't want anything leaked for shock value.  Hell, the only thing that could come out of Hollywood that would shock me is if Paris Hilton were to become a nun or Lindsay Lohan reveals that the last few years have been a social experiment/documentary.

    Guess the ass-crack!  If you turn your head to right it appears as if the celebrity has a smile albeit vertical which is shocking for this star since she never smiles with her face.  It's Jessica Alba.

    Jenna Jameson still looks like she is a mess but actually her son Journey had problems.  He was projectile vomiting and Jenna panicked and called 911 for an ambulance.  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I drove my big wheel down 4 or 5 flights of stairs and my parents put a band-aid on my head to keep the goop inside. At the hospital they gave Journey fluids and sent him home.  So why was Journey projectile vomiting?  He found out his name was Journey.

    Holy shit...Madonna sure has let herself go.  Actually it's Iggy Pop.  He looks like he's melting but rest assured, he still rocks.

    Gary Busey paraded his youngling out for the cameras.  At least the baby has his mother's smile and teeth.  NO GARY, BAD GARY!  Babies aren't for eating.  What do you expect from the guy who once told me that Friday and Monday are twins, but Friday is the twin that likes to party and is always down to bone.

    Courtney Love made some coherent words form a few sentences this week.  She said, "Pretty girls just lie there. Us girls who grew up a little more homely have to try a lot harder. That's why pretty girls never threaten me -- it's like, yeah, you want to take me on? Take me on. Go for it."  I'll pass "taking you on" but you know, she may be on to something and I can't believe I am saying that.  I think the same is true about fat, ugly guys.  We will never cheat on you because we are so loyal and thankful...please?

    I am only including this story because of an incident on Xanga this week.  The autopsy report and toxicology report were released this week on May 4th.  It said that Corey died of natural causes.  He died on March 10th and the results weren't finalized until May 4th.  So the next time someone on Xanga claims that an autopsy and toxicology report were finalized within 12 hours of a death...call B.S. on that shit immediately.

    Christina Hendricks turned 35 this week.  OMG OMG South Dakota OMG OMG Rojo Caliente OMG OMG...I am so happy I need a book.  She is opulence personified and that opulence runneth over.  My only nitpick is the blue dress on the right shoulder.  Is that one of Rip Taylor's wigs?  Weather be damned, I'm in the mood for some motorboating.

    It's official.  Chastity Bono is now Chaz and can pee standing up.  Chaz went to court with paperwork saying he is a dude.  He proved to the court that he was in fact a dude.  I think it was just the doctor's paperwork describing all of the procedures.  See this is wasted tax payer money.  Chaz could have went to court, whipped out his dong and bada bing bada boom, he's declared a dude.  There is just so much red tape.

    If Sarah Palin were to select Betty White as her running mate then I would have to...OH HELL NO!  Actually Betty called Palin a crazy bitch but it was after Palin shot Betty's dog and stole her Metamucil...well no, Betty called her a crazy bitch for some gag on the Craig Ferguson show...30 second mark and then enjoy her comments about President Obama.

    You know Betty White is a freak between the sheets and has Werther's Original flavored condoms at the ready.  And I guess this is Morgan Freeman's attempt to disspell those rumors that he is dating his step-granddaughter.  Get a room you two...preferably in a retirement community.  Be sure to watch Betty White host Saturday Night Live this weekend.

    Justin Bieber was on a show in New Zealand and he said he didn't know what "German" was.  Justin got all weepy eyed and didn't want his droves of pre-teen girls to leave him and scream for someone else so he issued this tweet.  So Justin goes from dullard to antisemitic in a single tweet.  Way to go, Justin!  Rumor has it that his next album is going to be about his struggles and will be called Mein Kampf.

    Video Section:
    This rapper Drake, who played Jimmy on Degrassi, was performing this week.  I think we know what his kryptonite is...BOOBS!  Just watch his reaction.

    Elisabeth Hasselbeck really makes me sick.  She insulted Erin Andrews and then makes the apology all about Elisabeth.

    I hope everyone has a great weekend.

  • Lukewarm Links 5/6/2010

    OK sad note to begin things, I was called the n-word today.  I went to someone's house and that is what they called as they slammed the door in my face.  I don't get it because that is the third time I have been called that in my life.  I am just gobsmacked over that.  Anyway...such is life.  I got a weather radio tonight and I ate at a Christian pizza buffet and a crapload(new measurement in the American measuring system) of Amish people showed up.  They started speaking in German and a little girl came and stood next to my table.  I said, "Wie heißt du?"  "Sarah.  Wie heißen Sie?" "Matt.  Wie alt bist du?" "Fünf. Wie alt sind Sie?" "Ich bin sehr alt."  The rest of my time there they only spoke in English...go figure.  The waitress was hilarious.  It wasn't that she was trying to be funny but that my mind is extremely dirty and this celibacy thing is really being bothersome as of late. 
    Boss:  Did you get your candy bar?
    Waitress: Oh yeah.  I ate it already.  I really needed something in me.
    Minutes pass and as she is clearing plates and about to take my silverware...
    Me: Oh you can leave those, I'm taking a break.
    Waitress: I know what you mean.  I am glad I don't eat here.  I could eat for hours and hours.
    Me (after waitress is out of ear range): I could eat for hours as well but not this pizza buffett...zing

    Link time:

    1.  Do you like John Goodman?  Do you enjoy the Insane Clown Posse?  Did you know that John Good man is actually Violent J.  Here is proof.

    2.  And while I am speaking of ICP, here are some of the best lyrics complete with photos of real live juggalos.

    3.  Your favorite TV show says a lot about you.  Click here to find out what your show says about you.

    4.  So let me get this correct, this dude goes on to a car forum and posts about how much his girlfriend sucks.  Then his girlfriend sees that he didn't sign out and she read what he wrote and responded with a break up letter which explained how her boyfriend was the actual douchebag?  AWESOME!  Make sure you read what the guy writes first.

    5.  Lately when I see girls posting photos online they all make these stupid fucking duck lips and it is so irritating and makes me think that they are constipated and trying to push.  That being said, here is the Anti-Duck Face page.  What does posing like that mean?  Am I supposed to pick up on some sexual undertones?  Are you trying to say that is what your lips will look like when...oops I once lived in Minnesota, don't want to incriminate myself.

    6.  Have you ever received a detention while in high school?  I did.  My detention was pretty mild compared to these AWESOME DETENTION SLIPS!

    7.  First we had LOLCatz, now I am proud to present LOLFavre.  He really is a joke.

    8.  As an American, I fucking love to vote.  I love it so much I vote every time an election comes around.  Yes, I even vote for city aldermen and city dogcatcher.  Well now you have teh opportunity to vote for THE MOST AWESOMEST THING EVER!  Do it, it's AWESOME!

    9.  You know how I said I was celibate?  Well I read this on craigslist and I really don't know what.  I heard on the radio today that the biggest turn on for women in men is humor.  Then why am I single?

    10.  I wish I was a seller on eBay.  I would die for comments like these.

    11.  Is Kanye West a douchebag?  The answer is shocking.

    12.  Have you heard?

    I was such a weird kid.
    Oh and one last link.  This is codeorgan.  You type in a url and it whips out a tune based on the algorithm for the website.


  • Random Funnies

    Well I had a post but I deleted it.  It was maybe a tad bit offensive.  I'll work on it and maybe have it up sometime tomorrow.  In the mean time, enjoy these:

    Actually...his mistress did.

    I miss love.

    You know it's true.

    You should see him when he gets on top of my van.

    Yes, they do...yes, they do.

    SLEEPER HOLD!

    Look what Paula Abdul has been up to since she left American Idol.

    I hear once you go Barack you never go back.

    Well...neither do I.

    Hahahaha...the magic bus.

    I bet he's going to be very popular in the pokey.

    ummmmmm

    Now that's some women's basketball I would totally get into.

    According to the sign, if you see someone drowning first you LOL and then you call 911.

    My designated driver is waiting to take me out for some Cinco de Mayo shenanigans.

  • Motivation

    Today was Star Wars Day...May 4th...May the 4th be with you...how did you celebrate?  Well I didn't have any encounters with galactic bounty hunters or rescue any gold bikini-clad princesses.  I had to be extra careful that people didn't gut me and sleep inside my body like Luke did to the Tauntaun in Empire Strikes Back.  Justin Bieber celebrated by getting his hair to look like Anakin's from Phantom Menace.  Oh who am I kidding?  Celebrating, Star Wars Day, I am, by phone sex operators, like Yoda, talking.  Then toying with my Death Star.

    Jimmy Clausen needs a new nickname.  "Spoiled Pretty Boy" won't cut it in the NFL.

    Dear guys mid 20's to late 20's, only Freddy Krueger and your grandfather can pull off wearing a fedora.

    I've been worried about the NBA playoffs.  Do you think Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker are worrying about being arrested in Arizona?

    Brett Favre said he is never putting on pads again.  I wonder if that means he is making the switch to tampons.

    May Day, Kentucky Derby, Star Wars Day, and Cinco de Mayo...all great excuses to drink while wearing fancy hats.

    If silence is a weapon then I am defenseless.

    Don't you just hate rhetorical questions?

    What you wanted:

    Me, a skeptic?  I hope you have proof. 

    I'm going to come off as a massive asshole for saying this but a few years back there was a guy on a blog or some website that I used to read that claimed he was going through a lot of hardships.  He ended up getting hurt and had to be prescribed Vicodin.  Well they had a side-effect and caused him to get suicidal.  He left messages on the site saying that his bottles of Jack and Vicodin were empty.  The next day his girlfriend came on the website and said that the toxicology report said he died from a lethal mixture of alcohol and Vicodin.  This was odd since it takes weeks to get even a preliminary toxicology report.  A few days later, after thousands of people expressed their sorrow, the dude announced that it was all a joke.  I stopped reading that site.  I pray that this isn't another hoax but then I am at a weird place because I am praying that this guy Lynn is dead....it's just way messed up here today.