From time to time I like to sit back and let others blog for me.  Over the past I have had guest bloggers cover the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, The Nobel Prize, Xanga Suicide, and The Times Square Bomb Scare.

I have decided that I don't have the proper words for the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico so I thought I would bring back one of the previous guest bloggers.  I do not endorse the words of my guest.

Legendary basketball coach, Bobby Knight

Alright, pussy, thanks for having me back.  It's a real honor to be on a shitty two bit blog like Xanga.  Do you even get paid for this shit?

Well as for this damn oil spill in the damn Gulf of Mexico...I am sick and goddamn tired of that bullshit.  You have Mary Jane Hairy Pits dancing around some damn tree crying about how it's going to destroy the environment.  Well it is.  This is some serious shit.  I tried throwing chairs at the stupid fucking oil spill but that shit didn't work.  I think we need to switch to a 2-3 zone.  All I know is that someone is about to get choked if I don't have any goddamn shrimp on my plate come Friday night at the Applebee's on Route 405.

Now I'm not going to sit around and do jack shit about this oil spill.  That's goddamn bullshit.  These farmers are out there busting their asses trying to put food on your table and the ruthless blood sucking pricks on Wall Street are jacking up the oil prices when the farmers have to go full court press on their fields and plant that food so you can stuff your fucking face.

And then if you don't get off your ass and play some defense think of all the jobs that will be lost.  Stupid fucking Digger Phelps and Reese Davis will cry like the little bitches they are if they lose their jobs so just think of all the fishermen on the Gulf Coast .  No more shrimp!  Yeah how would you like that?  You can't stuff your face with those tasty little creatures any more.  I know I love my shrimp and when Nancy and I head out to Applebee's we like to have a few shrimp before we go watch Pat lose.  That damn kid never listened to a single word I ever said but you better goddamn listen to me and get off your ass and do something to save Mother fucking Nature or I will make you run like you have never run before.

This fucking mess will never end.  They drop some concrete and shit on the oil and expect it to work but it doesn't.  I could've seen that one coming you fucking Einsteins.  So as a consolation the gas prices are falling.  Fuck you BP for pandering to me.  I'll fucking throw a chair at you, you sons of bitches.  The ocean is dead thanks to you fucks.  Never in all my years have I been as embarrassed as I am now.  And President Obama is just letting Tony Hayward catch that basketball and dunk his goddamn oil all over the beautiful Gulf of Mexico.  Where is the fucking defense?  No one is fucking challenging him and if no one steps up their game I'm going to make all of you run until you fucking suffer which is much.  My Nancy is suffering without her shrimp and when my Nancy suffers, you better damn well believe you're going to suffer.

Now here's our game plan:

Now does everybody got this?  If I have to see more of that beautiful gulf coast destroyed and if Nancy loses anymore damn shrimp, I won't stand for it and I won't let you put me in that position.  Now get off your asses, get out there, and clean that shit up.  I am sick and goddamn tired of having my earth destroyed by this fucking oil spill.  I'm almost as fed up with this oil spill as I am losing to Purdue.  If you don't do shit with this spill, you will pay like you won't believe.  Come Monday I'll have you running so many laps you are going to be begging me to let you drink from the waters of the oil spill.  I know everyone hears this but few of you are listening.  The last person who didn't listen to me got my fucking wingtip so far up their ass they could taste the shoe polish.

And if you don't like this, tough shit, I ain't going to apologize for anything I say in the land of freedom of speech.  I'm just thankful that this didn't happen in Arizona because only white people would be able to help with the clean up.

Now, I'm tired of this shit.  I'm not here to fuck around.  Let's clean up this mess.

(Ok thank you, Coach.  I am sure this post will get me kicked off Xanga.  I really should get him to apologize.)
Like I said you fat fuck I will never apologize for anything I said in the land of freedom of speech.  People need to hear language like this so the can become mentally tough.  Mental toughness is to physical as four is to one.  So, Godfather, go get me my sweater.

I have come to the conclusion that when I get sunburn I get a head cold.  This evening I decided to go to the bar after being out in the sun all day.  I felt so hot but the Schlitz was ice cold and then the congestion hit me.  I feel horrible and the heat is just radiating from my arms.  I did score a couple t-shirts for my goddaughter so all is well.  But what is not well...some of these photos.  Images may not be safe for work or for life...NSFW...NSFL

Venus Williams debuted a new tennis outfit at the French Open this week and sweet lord I'm so happy I need a book.  I bet those ass cheeks could crush tennis balls.

Tila Tequila is signed to be on the next edition of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.  There are varying reports about her addiction.  One says it is Ecstasy and another says it is Ambien.  She should get help with her Twitter addiction and her addiction to being an attention whore.  Right now the producers of Celebrity Rehab are having trouble find other patients.  That is a good thing.  Someone could tell her that filming is at the volcanoes in Iceland and the camera crew will be waiting for her inside the bottom of the volcano.

Stevie Nicks turned 62 this week.  After all the weird shit she did in her heyday, I'm convinced she has conjured up some magic potion that has enabled her to live forever.

Why is this photo so exciting for me?  It's just Snooki eating a pickle.  So is that her gimmick?  Pickle eating?  Either way I bet the Vlask stork is fapping to this picture right about now.

I couldn't figure out if Sarah Jessica Parker was at the Sex in the City 2 premier or if she was getting ready to run the Belmont Stakes.  Why is it that every time I see SJP, I hear this song?  Maybe it's because I spend too much time at this site.

This week Rihanna said that she fears childbirth and is more interested in adopting children instead of having them the natural way.  I guess if I was a woman and I had the prominent forehead that Rihanna has I'd be afraid of childbirth as well.  You know that when she was born the doctor and a nurse played tic-tac-toe on her forehead until her eyes were visible.

Paris Hilton is at fleet week.  Like a moth to the flame, Paris will be hosting events and much to the surprise of no one, servicing the entire U.S. Navy.

Whenever we have a battle featuring wind versus a dress the clear winner is...ME!  Here we see Mischa Barton battling wind.  What is the strangest thing about this photo?  If you said that Mischa is carrying a purse, you would be correct.  She doesn't have money.

People are very worried about Miley Cyrus.  She seems to be rebelling against her wholesome Disney image.  Just a couple of weeks ago the video of her lap-dancing on a guy in a club was released.  Then this week we hear that she spent $3000 on lingerie.  Why would she need lingerie?  Remember she moved out of her house into her own and her boyfriend has moved in with her.  What could possibly go wrong?  Miley is such a stupid hillbilly.  She doesn't need lingerie to turn on men.  All she needs is a driver's license that says she's 18.

Seriously...I'm going to hell.  Sorry, Jesus.  Wait...a loophole!  These photos were taken in Mexico where the legal age of consent is 16 and Miley is 17...I'm just saying.

The claws are out!  M.I.A. says that she hates Lady Gaga because Gaga is neither original nor unique.  Well, I could have told you that.  I think Lady Gaga is basically ripping off my girl Peaches.  M.I.A. said that she is also very upset because most babies' first sounds are "ga-ga" and of course that makes Lady Gaga think she is better than she actually is.  I know how they can settle this...two words...SAUERKRAUT WRESTLING!  Believe me, it's hot.

Mariah Carey was supposed to star in an upcoming Tyler Perry movie based on a play titled "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide when the Rainbow is Enuf".  She is possibly dropping out the movie and people are speculating that this is because she is pregnant.  Tyler Perry is ecstatic because it gives him another chance to dress up as a woman.  I also hear he is going to fire all the other women in the movie because he wants to play all the roles and do a lot of cross-dressing.

Sadly this photo of MacGruber is funnier than the movie.

Lindsay Lohan is crying for good reason.  She's in hell.  She can't drink.  She has to wear a SCRAM device that constantly monitors her blood-alcohol level.  She has to submit to random drug tests.  Lindsay also can't leave L.A. and must attend alcohol education classes.  I am starting to feel good about my dead pool.

Lindsay is obviously committed to recovery since the day after her court appearance she was seen with newly dyed hair and out at a bar in L.A.  Could we just frame her for a crime so that she would go away forever?  Maybe we could give her the O.J. Simpson treatment.  Too bad the Zodiac killings took place before she was born.

These are the posters for Lindsay's upcoming movie about Linda Lovelace.  Make sure you memorize what these posters look like because the bargain bin at Walmart is pretty full.

Only Karl Lagerfeld can save Lindsay now.  Maybe to help her and her love of fashion, he can do a fashion show in her back yard ala "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead".  I can't believe I actually went to the theaters to see that movie.

Kristen Stewart recently said that having the paparazzi following her and taking her photos is like being raped.  Now, I'm not a fancy big city lawyer but I think there is a slight difference between being raped and having your photo taken and by this I mean SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU VAMPIRE LOVING POTHEAD!  Hell, you should be thankful that the paparazzi want to take your picture because somewhere along the line you must have sold your soul to the devil because you'd be lucky to get your photo taken at the K-Mart Photo Studio.

People close to Kirstie Alley said that she recently went clothes shopping at Target and was extremely excited to find dresses that fit.  The exciting part was that the dress size was a medium.  Kirstie supposedly bought 10 of the dresses.  I guess I understand the excitement especially if she fit into a medium.  What Kirstie didn't know is that the line, Liz Lange, is a line of maternity dresses.  I wish guys had something similar but not in a dress but a jock strap.  Like a 10XL would actually be something like an actual small.

Oh Kendra...I really don't feel sorry for her especially not after I heard that she made $700,000 for her sextape.  Oh and they are planning on releasing sequels because there are 20 different tapes.  Her husband, Hank is devastated because he thought there were only 18 and NOT 20!  If you want to see some still shots, go here, and if want to see a short clip that gives me hope, go here, and here is the official site.  There's just something about that tape that makes Hustler look classy.

After all the publicity stunts and plastic surgeries, Heidi Montag revealed something that I have known for a long time...she has no friends...duh!

Despite having no friends, Heidi may have one brain cell that is still functioning.  She has supposedly broken up with Spencer and moved out of their house.  She said that he is holding back her acting career.  I don't buy it and think this is just a lame attempt to get on the cover of People magazine instead of Gary Coleman.  OK, I am getting this feeling that you are trying to care but don't...next!

This is Hayley Williams, the lead sing of the band Paramore.  I don't really listen to their stuff but after seeing this photo, I think they are definitely worth checking out.

Gary Coleman fell and hit his head at his home in Utah.  He was in a coma and on life-support.  His wife had the plug pulled this afternoon.  Gary has died at the age of 42.  No one knows what made Gary fall.  Doctors think it may have been some kind of different stroke.  What'chu talkin' bout, Willis...indeed.  I wish I could cry into Mrs. Garrett's shoulder right about now.

Evan Lysachek recently said that he is ready to start dating and he really needs to find a girlfriend.  No, that isn't a helicopter, it's Johnny Weir fapping to this picture.  And Johnny is getting all sparkled up hoping Evan will give him a call.

I promised I would never talk about Tiger Woods on my site but I couldn't resist posting this photo of his soon to be ex-wife, Elin Nordegren.  The early reports of what she wants in a settlement are $750million, full custody of the children, and no confidentiality clause.  I really have no sympathy for Tiger.  I would die to be married to that woman...hell, I'd love to be in the same room with her.  He fucked up and now she wants 125% of his wealth.  Yes, that's right.  After sponsors dropped him for his shenanigans, Tiger's wealth is estimated at $600million.  Also Tiger wanted her to sign a lifetime confidentiality agreement.  If she wrote a book about their marriage and her ordeal that would probably one of the best selling books.  She can go live on a private island bought with Tiger's money and enjoy being with Tiger's children without the hassle of having Tiger around them.  But Elin better watch out.  I'm not saying she'll end up at the bottom of a lake but these are things which give us Lifetime movies.

Here we see Coco teaching the future of America the ins and outs of motorboating.  Coco posted this on her Twitter and said that her niece absolutely loves her breasts.  I feel bad for that little girl's future classmates.  When she gets into grade school she's going to hog all the basketballs.

This is an interesting turn of events.  Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol and was so impressed with Bret Michaels that Simon has said that Bret should be the judge that replaces him.  I guess Michaels meets the perfect criteria to be a judge.  He was in a band that still is popular yet hasn't produced original material and relies heavily on material from 20 years ago.  Bret also has some brain damage from a stroke.  So I guess that makes him a perfect candidate to judge pop music.  Yes, I hate pop music but not as much as I hate pop country.

For not being able to sing, he has entertained me with his music for many years.  Bob turned 69 this week.  I think to celebrate his birthday I'm going to drive highway 61 until I can find my girl from the north country.

Ashton Kutcher...I hate that guy and he has given me another reason to hate him.  He is working on a movie that the studio wants to call "Friends with Benefits" but Ashton hates the title and wants to call it by the original title, "Fuck Buddies".  I just wish he would go away.  Can we make up a rumor about him?  OK let's see...oh, he's flipping off the cameraman and the cameraman is black therefore Ashton Kutcher is a racist.  SPREAD IT!

Art Linkletter passed away at the age of 97 this week.  He was the original host of Kids Say the Darnedest Things.  I'd love to see how that show would be today.  I bet kids would tell the host to fuck off.  Art will be greatly missed especially by his wife of 75 years, Lois.  75 years!?!?!?!  I couldn't imagine living that long let alone being married to someone that long.

Believe it or not, this is 50 Cent.  He dropped 60lbs for a role in a movie titled "Things Fall Apart".  The role is that of a high school football star who is diagnosed with cancer.  He went to a liquid only diet and spent most of his day walking on a treadmill.  At first when I saw him and heard he lost this weight, I thought the movie was going to be about Dave Chappelle.  Oh and the first single off the soundtrack goes a little something like, "I'm not into havin' chemo, I ain't in to makin' love".

Video Section:
Enjoy a video of Lindsay Lohan in court.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.