May 6, 2010

  • Lukewarm Links 5/6/2010

    OK sad note to begin things, I was called the n-word today.  I went to someone's house and that is what they called as they slammed the door in my face.  I don't get it because that is the third time I have been called that in my life.  I am just gobsmacked over that.  Anyway...such is life.  I got a weather radio tonight and I ate at a Christian pizza buffet and a crapload(new measurement in the American measuring system) of Amish people showed up.  They started speaking in German and a little girl came and stood next to my table.  I said, "Wie heißt du?"  "Sarah.  Wie heißen Sie?" "Matt.  Wie alt bist du?" "Fünf. Wie alt sind Sie?" "Ich bin sehr alt."  The rest of my time there they only spoke in English...go figure.  The waitress was hilarious.  It wasn't that she was trying to be funny but that my mind is extremely dirty and this celibacy thing is really being bothersome as of late. 
    Boss:  Did you get your candy bar?
    Waitress: Oh yeah.  I ate it already.  I really needed something in me.
    Minutes pass and as she is clearing plates and about to take my silverware...
    Me: Oh you can leave those, I'm taking a break.
    Waitress: I know what you mean.  I am glad I don't eat here.  I could eat for hours and hours.
    Me (after waitress is out of ear range): I could eat for hours as well but not this pizza buffett...zing

    Link time:

    1.  Do you like John Goodman?  Do you enjoy the Insane Clown Posse?  Did you know that John Good man is actually Violent J.  Here is proof.

    2.  And while I am speaking of ICP, here are some of the best lyrics complete with photos of real live juggalos.

    3.  Your favorite TV show says a lot about you.  Click here to find out what your show says about you.

    4.  So let me get this correct, this dude goes on to a car forum and posts about how much his girlfriend sucks.  Then his girlfriend sees that he didn't sign out and she read what he wrote and responded with a break up letter which explained how her boyfriend was the actual douchebag?  AWESOME!  Make sure you read what the guy writes first.

    5.  Lately when I see girls posting photos online they all make these stupid fucking duck lips and it is so irritating and makes me think that they are constipated and trying to push.  That being said, here is the Anti-Duck Face page.  What does posing like that mean?  Am I supposed to pick up on some sexual undertones?  Are you trying to say that is what your lips will look like when...oops I once lived in Minnesota, don't want to incriminate myself.

    6.  Have you ever received a detention while in high school?  I did.  My detention was pretty mild compared to these AWESOME DETENTION SLIPS!

    7.  First we had LOLCatz, now I am proud to present LOLFavre.  He really is a joke.

    8.  As an American, I fucking love to vote.  I love it so much I vote every time an election comes around.  Yes, I even vote for city aldermen and city dogcatcher.  Well now you have teh opportunity to vote for THE MOST AWESOMEST THING EVER!  Do it, it's AWESOME!

    9.  You know how I said I was celibate?  Well I read this on craigslist and I really don't know what.  I heard on the radio today that the biggest turn on for women in men is humor.  Then why am I single?

    10.  I wish I was a seller on eBay.  I would die for comments like these.

    11.  Is Kanye West a douchebag?  The answer is shocking.

    12.  Have you heard?

    I was such a weird kid.
    Oh and one last link.  This is codeorgan.  You type in a url and it whips out a tune based on the algorithm for the website.


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