May 25, 2010

  • Music Albums that I Wished I Owned

    Since no one commented on this post when I originally posted it, I figure I'd post it again.  I don't really feel like posting anything new.  I am still toying with making a post devoted to the cunt, as I shall call her from now on, and her cunt activities.  Anyway, in with the old.


    Two of the worst things known to mankind: Disco and Ethel Merman.  I have heard that the military has been using this album on detainees at Guantanamo Bay.  Yeah, that probably is too torturous but I guess if it keeps me safe and able to drink beer in my backyard on nice sunny days then I don't really mind.


    So this has me thinking, are animals gay?  I had a female Beagle that used to hump legs.  I assumed she was just mad.  I had a female Rottweiller that let male dogs hump her face.  I guess she was a little mad.  Blah blah blah, are you even reading this?


    So which ones are the lesbians?  It is so hard to spot the lesbians because I have been conditioned by Cinemax to believe that all lesbians are voluptuous blonde nymphomaniacs and not the plaid wearing, mullet sporting, man-haters that I actually see on the streets of my little town.  Although the stereotype of the voluptuous lesbian is solidified when the local chapter of Dykes on Bikes rolls into town...they're a great group of gals...Curse you, Cinemax.


    Here is the bad side of the glam rock movement.  This is Gary Glitter's backup band and their feeble attempt at an album.  I see they are clinging to the one thing that they will be remembered for in a positive light; making the music and shouting on the single most recognizable song in sports today.  Who am I kidding?  They will be remembered for backing-up a pedophile who downloaded kiddie porn onto his computer and then took the computer to get it fixed and the store called the cops on him so he served his jail time and then went to Vietnam and got in trouble for having underage females living in his house. Oh glam rock, thankfully my most hated band is trying to bring you back.  Curse you, Panic! at the Disco


    I seriously want to hear this or at least become a country rock sensation and cover this song.  I think country has some of the funniest songs.  "Dropkick Me Jesus", "I'm Out Getting Hammered(while she's out getting nailed)", and "I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling" are some of my favorites.  If you want to hear some of my other favorite country songs look up the artist Larry Pierce.


    I think I have found a new occupation.  Seriously, I once watched a TV show on one of the screaming preacher stations and saw these guys who lifted weights, tore phone books, bent metal rods, etc. all for the glory of Jesus.  To this day, I am still trying to figure out how ripping a phone book into two pieces is supposed to be preaching about Christ.  Maybe someone will see the feat and think, "Hey if that guy believes in Jesus and can rip a phonebook in two then I will be able to as well but only if I believe in Jesus."  Oh and that person must live in a trailer park.


    I think that Michael Jackson owns the rights to this band. 


    Apparently in some states it doesn't matter that Julie is only 16 and the man sitting across from her appears to be in his 30s.  Julie doesn't look to happy.  I think I know why.  See the guy is John.  He is a truck driver and he kidnapped Julie who originally ran away from her parents and decided to go to the nearest truck stop so John picked her so he could do deviant things to her.  Well John slipped a roofie into Julie's drink and now she is starting to pass out.  How do I know this?  John has a look of gleeful trucker delight on his face.  Did I ever mention that I do have a mild fear of truckers?


    Well Freddie, maybe they are just pretending to be dead because did you ever take the time to look at what you wear for footwear?  I think if the album cover was black this may be the greatest selling goth album ever.

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