May 29, 2010

• Guest Blog: The Oil Spill (may contain offensive language)

  From time to time I like to sit back and let others blog for me.  Over the past I have had guest bloggers cover the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, The Nobel Prize, Xanga Suicide, and The Times Square Bomb Scare.

  I have decided that I don't have the proper words for the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico so I thought I would bring back one of the previous guest bloggers.  I do not endorse the words of my guest.

  
  Legendary basketball coach, Bobby Knight

  Alright, pussy, thanks for having me back.  It's a real honor to be on a shitty two bit blog like Xanga.  Do you even get paid for this shit?

  Well as for this damn oil spill in the damn Gulf of Mexico...I am sick and goddamn tired of that bullshit.  You have Mary Jane Hairy Pits dancing around some damn tree crying about how it's going to destroy the environment.  Well it is.  This is some serious shit.  I tried throwing chairs at the stupid fucking oil spill but that shit didn't work.  I think we need to switch to a 2-3 zone.  All I know is that someone is about to get choked if I don't have any goddamn shrimp on my plate come Friday night at the Applebee's on Route 405.

  Now I'm not going to sit around and do jack shit about this oil spill.  That's goddamn bullshit.  These farmers are out there busting their asses trying to put food on your table and the ruthless blood sucking pricks on Wall Street are jacking up the oil prices when the farmers have to go full court press on their fields and plant that food so you can stuff your fucking face.

  And then if you don't get off your ass and play some defense think of all the jobs that will be lost.  Stupid fucking Digger Phelps and Reese Davis will cry like the little bitches they are if they lose their jobs so just think of all the fishermen on the Gulf Coast .  No more shrimp!  Yeah how would you like that?  You can't stuff your face with those tasty little creatures any more.  I know I love my shrimp and when Nancy and I head out to Applebee's we like to have a few shrimp before we go watch Pat lose.  That damn kid never listened to a single word I ever said but you better goddamn listen to me and get off your ass and do something to save Mother fucking Nature or I will make you run like you have never run before.

  This fucking mess will never end.  They drop some concrete and shit on the oil and expect it to work but it doesn't.  I could've seen that one coming you fucking Einsteins.  So as a consolation the gas prices are falling.  Fuck you BP for pandering to me.  I'll fucking throw a chair at you, you sons of bitches.  The ocean is dead thanks to you fucks.  Never in all my years have I been as embarrassed as I am now.  And President Obama is just letting Tony Hayward catch that basketball and dunk his goddamn oil all over the beautiful Gulf of Mexico.  Where is the fucking defense?  No one is fucking challenging him and if no one steps up their game I'm going to make all of you run until you fucking suffer which is much.  My Nancy is suffering without her shrimp and when my Nancy suffers, you better damn well believe you're going to suffer.

  Now here's our game plan:
  

  

  Now does everybody got this?  If I have to see more of that beautiful gulf coast destroyed and if Nancy loses anymore damn shrimp, I won't stand for it and I won't let you put me in that position.  Now get off your asses, get out there, and clean that shit up.  I am sick and goddamn tired of having my earth destroyed by this fucking oil spill.  I'm almost as fed up with this oil spill as I am losing to Purdue.  If you don't do shit with this spill, you will pay like you won't believe.  Come Monday I'll have you running so many laps you are going to be begging me to let you drink from the waters of the oil spill.  I know everyone hears this but few of you are listening.  The last person who didn't listen to me got my fucking wingtip so far up their ass they could taste the shoe polish.

  And if you don't like this, tough shit, I ain't going to apologize for anything I say in the land of freedom of speech.  I'm just thankful that this didn't happen in Arizona because only white people would be able to help with the clean up.

  Now, I'm tired of this shit.  I'm not here to fuck around.  Let's clean up this mess.

  (Ok thank you, Coach.  I am sure this post will get me kicked off Xanga.  I really should get him to apologize.)
  Like I said you fat fuck I will never apologize for anything I said in the land of freedom of speech.  People need to hear language like this so the can become mentally tough.  Mental toughness is to physical as four is to one.  So, Godfather, go get me my sweater.

  • 11:30 PM
  • 21 Comments